A Joke to Start the Week - "Late to Work Excuse"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this variation on a classic Myron Cohen joke. Here's the setup: Sam Shapiro, the best cutter in a dress manufacturing shop in Brooklyn, was also the most punctual. He was there every morning at 8 am.. And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "Sharing a Meal"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. This week we're posting another joke from Dr. Jay Orlikoff, a retired dentist from Centereach, New York, a community on Long Island in Suffolk County.

After a distinguished and meritorious dental career, he shifted his focus to telling and posting jokes on YouTube. We were fortunate to find some of his jokes and we're sharing one of the family-friendly ones with you today. 

It's an oldie but goodie that you've probably heard before, but like many of these, we find it interesting to see the same joke told in a slightly different way by a different joke teller.

Here's the setup: One evening an elderly couple go out to a McDonald's. The restaurant is packed. It's full of young couples and families. They look for a table and find a table. And then...

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "Late to Work Excuse"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. It's a variation on a classic Myron Cohen joke. Here's the setup: Sam Shapiro, the best cutter in a dress manufacturing shop in Brooklyn, was known for his punctuality. He showed up every day at 8 am. But one day...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "The Cardiologist and the Mechanic"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: A mechanic was working on a car when he saw a friend of his, a cardiologist in the shop, evidently waiting for his car. And then...

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "Flower Show"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. This week we're posting another joke from Dr. Jay Orlikoff, a retired dentist from Centereach, New York, a community on Long Island in Suffolk County.

After a distinguished and meritorious dental career, he is shifting his focus to telling and posting jokes on YouTube. We were fortunate to find some of his jokes and we're sharing one of the family-friendly ones with you today. 

Here's the setup: Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench across from the town hall where a big flower show is going on. One of the old ladies says to the other "Boy, life is so boring. For five dollars I'd tear my clothes off and run through that flower show and streak them all" And then...

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "Honda"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're sharing an oldie but goodie that we recently rediscovered in a rich treasure trove from Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Old Jews Telling Jokes started out as a website created in 2009 by Sam Hoffman and Eric Spiegelman. The website and subsequent book, CD, and DVD were the result of their renting a storefront in Highland Park, New Jersey, and videotaping the old jokes told by their parents and friends.

The jokes, told by Jews 65 and older, have been widely reprinted and reposted on the Internet. At Jewish Humor Central, we have used some of the video clips in our Joke to Start the Week on Mondays. Now that we've found a new collection of these jokes, we will be posting them in the coming weeks as our Monday offering.

Here's one joke told by gynecological surgeon Michael Goldberg.

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "Generosity"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're sharing an oldie but goodie that we recently rediscovered in a rich treasure trove from Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Old Jews Telling Jokes started out as a website created in 2009 by Sam Hoffman and Eric Spiegelman. The website and subsequent book, CD, and DVD were the result of their renting a storefront in Highland Park, New Jersey, and videotaping the old jokes told by their parents and friends.

The jokes, told by Jews 65 and older, have been widely reprinted and reposted on the Internet. At Jewish Humor Central, we have used some of the video clips in our Joke to Start the Week on Mondays. Now that we've found a new collection of these jokes, we will be posting them in the coming weeks as our Monday offering.

Here's one joke told by NYU professor Larry Zicklin.

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "Gittel the Nag"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: Gittel would nag her husband Moshe all the time. The only relief he would get was when he would go away with the mule and be a buyer and seller of scrap metal. From this he made a living. And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "IRS Asks About the Donation"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: Rabbi Mendel Kaplan is at home and the phone rings. He picks up the phone and says "Hello." And at the other end the man says "This is the Internal Revenue Service." And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - ""A Night With Twins"

It's another Monday, and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're sharing a joke by Rabbi Bob Alper.

Rabbi Bob Alper is the world's only practicing clergyman doing stand-up comedy... intentionally. His fresh, contemporary, and totally "unorthodox" style has been delighting audiences internationally, from the top NY comedy clubs to The World Bank and The National Comedy Center. And his unique brand of intelligent, 100% clean humor appeals to people of all faiths. 

Bob's a special favorite on the clean comedy channels of Sirius/XM Satellite radio, and he's appeared on Showtime, CNN, and Good Morning America.  

Here's the setup: A guy said to his friend "You know, I had one of the most exciting nights of my life last night. I went out on the town with my girlfriend and her twin."  And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - Jewish Articles For Sale

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: Abe and Sadie had a little store on Delancey Street on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. They sold Jewish religious articles. But business had been declining. And then...

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "A Jew in a Bar"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: A guy walks into a bar, looks around, sees about 10 people, and then he notices there's a guy with a yarmulke. And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "Ordering Non-Kosher on El Al and Kosher on Lufthansa"

It's another Monday, and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're sharing a joke by Rabbi Bob Alper.

Rabbi Bob Alper is the world's only practicing clergyman doing stand-up comedy... intentionally. His fresh, contemporary, and totally "unorthodox" style has been delighting audiences internationally, from the top NY comedy clubs to The World Bank and The National Comedy Center. And his unique brand of intelligent, 100% clean humor appeals to people of all faiths. 

Bob's a special favorite on the clean comedy channels of Sirius/XM Satellite radio, and he's appeared on Showtime, CNN, and Good Morning America.  

Here's the setup: A fantasy of mine is ordering non-kosher on El Al Israel Airlines. Can you imagine "Will the passenger who ordered treif..."  And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "Processing in Heaven"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: It was the end of a very busy day, and Hashem was in heaven greeting all the people who had passed away that day. And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "The Broken Tablets"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're sharing a joke by Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak (YY) Jacobson, one of America's premier Jewish scholars in Torah and Jewish mysticism.

Rabbi Jacobson, an American Chabad rabbi from Monsey, New York, is one of the most sought after speakers in the Jewish world today, lecturing to Jewish and non-Jewish audiences on six continents and in forty states, and serving as teacher and mentor to thousands across the globe. 

He is considered to be one of the most successful, passionate and mesmerizing communicators of Judaism today, culling his ideas from the entire spectrum of Jewish thought and making them relevant to contemporary audiences. 

He served as editor-in-chief of the Algemeiner Journal, and as a choizer (transcriber) for Lubavitcher Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson.

He also loves to tell jokes, and here's the setup: A grandpa sponsors his grandson David's Hebrew school experience. He wants to see how his grandson is doing. So one Sunday morning he visits David's Hebrew school located near a temple. And then...

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "The First Jewish President"

Brad Zimmerman is a funny guy. He has performed all over the country doing his own stand-up comedy and has been the opening act for more famous performers including Joan Rivers, George Carlin, Billy Crystal, and Gary Shandling.

Brad combines years of acting training and standup, which is evident in Brad’s true pride and joy; his one man show, My Son the Waiter, a Jewish Tragedy, and he has been working on it since 2005. 

In this week's Joke to Start the Week, we're sharing Brad's version of a Jewish mother's reaction to her son being sworn in as President of the United States.

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "The Migraine Headache"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're sharing a joke by Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak (YY) Jacobson, one of America's premier Jewish scholars in Torah and Jewish mysticism.

Rabbi Jacobson, an American Chabad rabbi from Monsey, New York, is one of the most sought after speakers in the Jewish world today, lecturing to Jewish and non-Jewish audiences on six continents and in forty states, and serving as teacher and mentor to thousands across the globe. 

He is considered to be one of the most successful, passionate and mesmerizing communicators of Judaism today, culling his ideas from the entire spectrum of Jewish thought and making them relevant to contemporary audiences. 

He served as editor-in-chief of the Algemeiner Journal, and as a choizer (transcriber) for Lubavitcher Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson.

He also loves to tell jokes, and here's the setup: This woman comes to see the rabbi. She needs to speak to him. They end up talking for three hours. And then...

Enjoy!

A Joke to Start the Week - "The Lamaze Class"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: The Lamaze instructor had a class of 15 pregnant women and their male partners. The instructor explained that it was very good to do proper breathing exercises.  And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "The Orthopedic Surgeon"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today Mickey Greenblatt is back with another good one.

Marshal (Mickey) Greenblatt received degrees from Columbia (BA and BS in Flight Sciences), a DC from Von Karman Institute (1963) and his PhD from Princeton in Aerospace Sciences. He worked as a researcher for NASA and the Naval Research Laboratory. 

With four other scientists, he founded Fusion Systems Corporation, which invented microwave-powered UV lamps for drying coatings. He founded and served on the boards of technology companies and is active in volunteer work. He served on the executive committee of the Jewish Council for the Aging of Greater Washington for many years.

Mickey also loves Jewish jokes and sent us this one. Here's the setup: Dr. Barry Bloom was the most famous orthopedic surgeon in town. His waiting room was always full of people. One day a woman was sitting there. She was bent over. She walked slowly and could barely get by on her cane. And then...

Enjoy! 

A Joke to Start the Week - "Two Brothers--A Pessimist and an Optimist"

It's another Monday, and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Today's joke teller is Rabbi Avrohom Rapoport, also known as Rabbi Raps.

Dubbed "The Tiktok Rabbi," Rabbi Rapoport is a congregational Rabbi, musician, filmmaker and motivational speaker. His upbeat, humorous, and engaging style brings meaning and inspiration to the many who follow him.

With over 20 million views and more than 220,000 followers on Instagram and Tiktok @RabbiRaps shares daily inspirational messages and lessons.

Here's the setup for today's joke: There were once two brothers. One was the ultimate pessimist, and one was the ultimate optimist. The parents didn't know what to do about these kids. They were so extreme, in one household. So they hired a psychologist to analyze the kids. And then...

Enjoy!