A Joke to Start Your Day: The Tax Audit

The IRS decides to audit Morris, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Morris shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Morris. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Morris says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Morris removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Morris says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Morris isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Morris removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Morris's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Morris asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Morris stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just cancelled a major loss. But Morris's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Morris told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and not only that but you'd be happy about it!"

Happy Tax Day to all of our readers.  Wishing you many happy returns!

(A tip of the kippah to The Jewish Magazine, where we found this one.)

French Chasidic Juggling Twins Perform at Camp Expo

Back in February, we brought you video of the two 20-year-old Lubavitcher twins from France entertaining thousands of chasidim at a wedding.  Now they're appearing at commercial events.

Yesterday they showed their stuff at a Jewish camp expo at the Rose Castle Ballroom in Brooklyn.  Watch them as they dance, ride unicycles, and juggle so fast that all you see is a blur.  Enjoy!

Kosher Comedy Tour Leaves 'em Laughing From Right to Left

Three popular Jewish comedians have been touring Florida the last few months putting on sold-out comedy shows called "Kosher Comedy Tour:  Laughing From Right to Left."

Peter Fogel, Sharon Daniels, and Stu Moss have recreated the feeling of reliving an evening at a Catskills resort hotel.  Their schedule for the rest of the year hasn't been posted yet, but watch for announcements of them appearing in your area.

Fogel has worked on over 18 major television shows, and has given motivational keynote speeches at conferences and corporations across America.

He has shared the stage with Dennis Leary, Ray Romano, Jon Stewart, to name a few. His witty material  as entertained audiences for more than two decades as he serves up rapid-fire jokes along with poignant observations.

He is a regular featured performer in top comedy venues around the country such as Catch a Rising Star, The Improvisation, LA's famed The Comedy Store, and Dangerfield’s.

Daniels was educated at the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland and is the granddaughter of a well-known rabbi.   She has developed a wide range of hilarious impersonations of comedians, actors, vocalists, and well known personalities – both female and male.

She was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show, was a finalist on 30 Seconds To Fame, and had a recent spot on The Tonight Show. She was awarded the “Cloney” for the Best Female Celebrity Impressionist by the International Guild of Celebrity Impersonators and Tribute Artists in 2003 and 2004.

Moss has toured with some of the biggest names in entertainment – Air Supply, The Beach Boys, The Bee Gee’s, George Benson, Michael Bolton, Peabo Bryson, Chicago, Gregory Hines, Kenny G, Patti La Belle, Johnny Mathis, Jeffrey Osborne, Dolly Parton, and for the past twelve years, Engelbert Humperdinck.

You may have seen him performing on the biggest cruise line vessels in the industry, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, and Atlantic City. His television credits include Showtime, Comedy Central, Chicago Hope and NYPD Blue.

Now that you've met them, sit back, relax, and laugh with them in three video clips from the show.  If you watch them consecutively, you'll be seeing 10 minutes from the show.

Boombamela 2010: The Hottest Way to Celebrate Passover

If you're still putting away the Pesach dishes and getting your house back to normal, you might be thinking of spending Passover next year at a warm resort in Florida, Arizona, Puerto Rico, or even in Europe.

But this year, as in the past eight years, those looking for an unorthodox Pesach that generates lots of heat, trekked to a slice of Israel that doesn't usually get much traffic except for the intermediate days of Passover, namely a kibbutz named Nitzanim, between Ashdod and Ashkelon on the Mediterranean Sea.

So what's the attraction?  Boombamela, an annual beach festival that appeals to tens of thousands of Israeli teens and twentysomethings looking for more than reading the Haggadah and feasting on endless matzah creations.

A few years ago, Steve Lipman, writing in The Jewish Week, described the festival this way:

When you think of Passover, you don’t usually think of bungee jumping, yoga sessions and reggae music.Unless you were at Nitzanim beach, near Ashkelon, this week. That’s where the ninth annual New Age festival, Boombamela, took place during three intermediate days of Pesach. Inspired by the Hindu Kumbh Mela festival, Boombamela draws ten of thousands of Israelis, most of them in their 20s, for 18-hour-a-day seminars with imported Indian gurus, performances by rock bands, and nude beaches. And sesame sumo bouts, roller skate courses and karaoke. Kosher food and prayer services are available, too. Boombamela, according to its organizers, is a “place for meeting, experiencing, crossing borders and transcending social limitations through music, creation, and connection with music.”

For anyone who observes a traditional Passover, the festival can be a real jolt.  As one commenter said on YouTube:  תראו מה הלך בחוף ניצנים בחול המועד פסח ובשבת !!! ה' ישמור גילוי עריות פריצות אכילת חמץ אלו דברים המעכבים את הגאולה A rough translation:  See what's going on in Nitzanim on Chol Hamoed Pesach and on Shabbat!  God will watch the nudity and eating of chametz.  These are the things that will delay the  redemption.

But there's hope.  In an audio podcast on Israel National Radio, Ben Bresky reports that Jewish outreach has become an accepted part of the festival, and how secular Israeli youth interact with Beit Chabad and Kfar Tefillah. You can hear from festival organizers about their acceptance of Torah services and from rabbis about their acceptance of teenagers worshippers in shorts and sandals. Plus, the story of how the Boombamela producer had his bar mitzvah in the sand.

Is Bike Riding Kosher or Traif in Williamsburg? It All Depends...Are You a Hipster or a Satmar?

Bicycle riding on the streets of Williamsburg has been a controversial topic ever since New York City proposed putting new bike lanes through the Brooklyn neighborhood which is shared by young, secular residents who use bicycles to get around, and a large Chasidic Satmar community.

The chasidim opposed the lanes, fearing parking problems and the sight of immodestly dressed women who would be pedaling through the streets.

Right in the middle of the action stands the Traif Bike Gesheft, a store run by Baruch Herzfeld, who calls himself the "new rebbe of Williamsburg."  The store is marked by a sign that includes a huge Jewish star constructed from 50 rubber chickens.  

Herzfeld runs the storefront, which refurbishes and sells used bikes, but also provides free loaners to members of the Satmar community in an attempt to increase socialization between the Satmars and the hipsters.  (Editor's note:  Like we've been saying, you just can't make this stuff up.)

The shop is also home to the Time's Up! cycling club, where residents of both communities take free bike repair lessons.

The latest wrinkle in this unbelievable but true story is the large vending machine that Herzfeld has placed in front of his store, which dispenses bike parts and accessories 24 hours a day.

Writing in this week's edition of The Jewish Week, Sharon Usadin reports:

The Time’s Up! organization was actually at the center of a December 2008 clash between clown-cloaked cyclists and angry Satmar residents, who objected to new city bike lanes that began routing scantily clad cyclists through their parking spaces and school bus paths. Even more recently – December 2009 – cyclists decided to repaint 14 blocks worth of bike lanes that the city had removed from Bedford Avenue, in response to Satmar complaints. Yet Herzfeld stresses that his bike shop has only brought residents closer together, and he sees no division between the two populations.

“I see them as one community,” he said. “The rabbis want to keep them separated because they want to preserve their traditions, and they’re worried that if people are exposed to a different tradition then they’re going to lose a tradition of the past.”

While Herzfeld is all for preserving traditions, he finds that many Satmar chasids do so at the expense of socialization and instead become “miserable.” But lately, Herzfeld and his staff members say that the Traif Bike Gesheft has seen increasing numbers of Satmar cyclists attending their biweekly classes in recent weeks. As additional incentive, Herzfeld offers free bike loans to the Satmar community members, and anyone else who might be interested.

"He’s surprisingly brought a lot of Satmars together and to meet with other Jews and non-Jews in a friendly environment. And the bikes are only part of his efforts,” said Yoel Weisshaus, a Satmar chasid who uses Herzfeld’s Traif Bike Gesheft regularly but also empathizes with community parking concerns. Weisshaus, who recommends the shop to friends, thinks that bike usage will increase gradually, as more and more people learn about Herzfeld’s venture.

On March 25, Herzfeld appeared as the first guest on a new Satmar women's talk show sponsored by Vos Iz Neias, The Veiber Shul, where he is interviewed by Malkie on the subject of is he a tzaddik or is he dafkedik (I think I heard that correctly, but I'm not sure.  You be the judge.)   Here's the video of that show:

(Photo by Nathaniel Popper)

Magic Yad Offers Singing Hand to Bar and Bat Mitzvah Students

Alan Warshaw, a Palo Alto, California resident with a background in product management and marketing, has come up with The Magic Yad, a new smart pen that, in addition to writing, chants the Torah and Haftarah portions of the week.  The pen uses a new technology called Livescribe that links audio to handwriting.  Warshaw co-founded the company last year with his friend Alan Greenfield, who lives in Needham, Mass.

Writing in yesterday's edition of jweekly.com, an online news site covering the San Francisco Jewish Bay Area, Dan Pine reports:

The Magic Yad looks like one of those fountain pens kids used to receive as bar mitzvah presents. In fact, it is a five-inch pen, in that you can actually write with it.

But this is the RoboCop of pens. Retailing for $150, the Magic Yad coordinates digital audio stored in the pen with Hebrew writing on special pre-printed paper — thus helping b’nai mitzvah students nail their Torah portions.

Though the Magic Yad looks conventional, it is anything but.An infrared camera in its tip “reads” anywhere from a single phrase to a b’nai mitzvah student’s full Torah portion. Reads? Actually, the yad (the name for a pointer that Torah chanters use to follow the Hebrew text) picks up a dot pattern that is invisible to the naked eye, which triggers a recitation of the passage stored in the pen.

The special Torah portion paper also has icon buttons printed at the bottom; users can tap the Magic Yad on “record” or “play” or “speed up” or “slow down,” as well as other functions. 

The Magic Yad works only with booklets of Torah and Haftarah verses that have been specially printed for use with the device.  Prices range from $60 for a third of a parsha to $120 for a full parsha with seven aliyot.  The Haftarah costs another $120.  The voice emerging from the pen is that of Cantor Gaston Bogomolni of Temple Aliyah in Needham, Massachusetts.  You can customize the reading with the voice of your own cantor or teacher, but that will double the cost of the software in most cases.

To see the Magic Yad in action, just click on the video below.

Gatorade Goes Kosher And The Jewish World Will Never Be The Same

It's official!  The Orthodox Union (OU) announced yesterday that Gatorade, the thirst quenching sports drink beloved by all observant Jewish athletes (all seven of them) and the many athlete-wannabes, is finally certified kosher.

The long-awaited announcement indicated that  G2, the low-calorie version of Gatorade, is now also certified kosher.

The significance of the availability of this new kosher product goes far beyond its thirst-quenching capability for T-Ball and Little League players.  

Not only can it be served at kiddush to restore the energy of congregants who lift the Torah after its reading is completed in the synagogue (hagbah) and those who carry it around the sanctuary, but it also can be an energy booster for all who exert themselves in putting out mounds of food and drink for the kiddush.

But wait, there's more.

According to the website, Joey Green's Wacky Uses for Gatorade, the brightly colored product can also be used to clean toilets, relieve morning sickness, cure a hangover, store bird seed, make a megaphone, and make bowling pins.
 
None of these uses were mentioned in the OU press release, which said:

Gatorade Thirst Quencher is the most thoroughly researched sports beverage in the world and is scientifically formulated and athletically proven to quench thirst, replace fluids and electrolytes, and provide carbohydrate energy to enhance athletic performance. By offering a scientifically proven blend of carbohydrates and key electrolytes, Gatorade Thirst Quencher is designed for use in the moment of activity to help athletes and active people hydrate, refuel and push through. G2 is a low-calorie option that delivers functional hydration to active people, but with less than half the calories of Gatorade Thirst Quencher.

To maintain kosher-certification, Gatorade will continue to undergo regular inspections by OU rabbinic representatives to ensure ingredients, formulas, processes and manufacturing plants comply with the guidelines for manufacturing kosher products. Throughout this process Gatorade has ensured the ingredients, efficacy and taste would not be altered. Gatorade Thirst Quencher and G2 will feature new packaging that includes the Orthodox Union certified kosher symbol, OU,which identifies products that may be consumed by those who maintain a kosher diet.

Here are some other possible uses for the newly approved sports drink (OK, so they are Purim parodies, but as we've said before, at Jewish Humor Central, it's Purim every day!)  Enjoy!

Pickles Are Disappearing From New York's Lower East Side...But There's Still Hope

Agence France-Presse reported this week that the once bustling retail pickle scene on the streets of New York's Lower East Side is rapidly disappearing, with just one store left to sell the many varieties of pickled cucumbers and other delicacies that have always been part of the Jewish culinary experience.

Writing for AFP, Sebastian Smith reports:

Pickles, dills, gherkins and their cousins still pop up in every convenience store and pastrami sandwich, but these are nearly always industrial versions from sealed jars filled with chemicals, as well as brine.

One of the last places selling real pickles -- the crunchy, hand-crafted, Jewish pickles of New York lore -- is the tiny Pickle Guys store in Manhattan's Lower East Side.

"This is pickle Mecca," said Michael Dansky, 52, who came all the way from Boston with a cooler to stock up. "They are the last of the real pickle people."

The store -- a cave-like space crammed with barrels of pickles -- is all that remains of this once Jewish-dominated neighborhood's pickle industry. A century ago, as many as 150 other pickle places would have been doing business within a short walk.

One of the stalwarts, the venerable Guss' Pickles, closed down just last year.  Many of the staff at Pickle Guys used to work at Guss'. They believe their mix of authenticity and willingness to try new products allows them to hang on.

Check out this video of a pickle eating contest sponsored by and conducted at the Pickle Guys establishment at 49 Essex Street in New York City.

Great Parade, Chassidic Music Concert and Fair Planned for Lag BaOmer (May 2) in Brooklyn

(We're taking Monday and Tuesday off from posting to celebrate the concluding days of Passover with our family.  We'll be back posting funny stuff on Wednesday.  Chag Sameach to all of our readers!)

If you're in a Brooklyn state of mind and enjoy the musical renditions of chassidic singing stars, then five dollars will buy you a reserved place and a T-shirt at what's being called The Great Parade.

Scheduled to start at 10:15 am on Lag BaOmer, Sunday, May 2 at Eastern Parkway and Kingston Avenue, the concert will feature Jewish entertainers and singers Mordechai Ben David, Avraham Fried, Lipa Schmeltzer, and Uncle Moishy.
 
The concert will be followed by a parade including all the classic favorites including marching bands.    After the concert, the parade route will include a stop at 770 Eastern Parkway, world headquarters of the Lubavitcher chassidic movement.  For more information email info@lagbomer.org or call the parade office at (661) LAG-5770.

 Here's a video preview of the event.  Enjoy!

The Simpsons Visit Israel - The Full Version

In an episode of The Simpsons that has been eagerly anticipated for months, Homer Simpson and his dysfunctional family fly to Israel with nerdy neighbor Ned Flanders and his Bible study group.  When Homer visits the Western Wall and many of the popular tourist sites in the Holy Land, you can imagine what might happen.  Well, it does, and Bart, Marge, and company all live up to our highest (or lowest) expectations.  

If you're looking for the usual political incorrectness and crude humor that all episodes of The Simpsons are known for, you won't be disappointed.  But for anyone who has experienced Israel as a tourist, many of the scenes are surprisingly accurate and reflective of the country and its characters.  Sacha Baron Cohen adds a special depth in his portrayal of the tour guide.

Since we posted this, the video was removed from YouTube.  So the best we can offer now is a very short clip showing their plane landing in Israel.  Enjoy!

Stephen Colbert Hits Passover Commercialization, Enacts Ten Plagues With Finger Puppets

While we were sitting at the seder table Monday night, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert Report took a swipe at the growing commercialization of Passover by enacting a skit using the Ten Plagues Finger Puppets set now being sold in Judaica stores, supermarkets, and Bed Bath and Beyond.  

In his words, "all the gruesome punishments visited on the Jews' Egyptian oppressors are now at your fingertips."

Making the point that Jews are finally catching up with Christians commercializing Christmas, he enacts a skit featuring the Blood and Boils puppets planning an attack on the Egyptians, but the Dead Firstborn Child puppet has other ideas. 

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...and the Children of Israel Came Through the Sea on Dry Land (2010 Version)

Wishing you and your families a Happy and Kosher Passover from all of us at Jewish Humor Central.  We're taking a two-day break from posting to celebrate the first two days of Pesach.  We'll be back with more Jewish humor on Thursday.  Chag Sameach!

(A tip of the kippah to Teddy Asch for bringing this to our attention)

Passover Greetings From Charlie, the Kosher Cocker Spaniel

The first seder is tomorrow night, and we're all tuckered out from weeks of planning, cleaning, shopping, and cooking.  So we enlisted Charlie, the Kosher Cocker Spaniel to send our best wishes to you for a happy, kosher, and fun-filled Passover. 

(A tip of the kippah to Sheila Zucker for bringing Charlie to our attention.)

How Would Robots Have a Seder? Greetings from Israel Robotics

Just suppose you were a robot and invited some of your robot friends over for a Passover seder.  How different would it be from a seder at your house?

The Research and Development Institute for Intelligent Robotic Studies at Israel's College of Management Academic Studies in Rishon LeZion created this video so you can be an observer of the scene as the robots sit down to light candles, pour the wine and break the matzah.  Chag Sameach!

(A tip of the kippah to the Mosenki for calling this to our attention.)

Jew-Z's Slammin' Seder: A Seder Like You've Never Seen Before

Michael Kelberg is an actor, writer, director, and producer who also assumes the persona of rapper Jew-Z.  Well-versed in Jewish culture and customs, he presents some interesting alternatives to traditional aspects of the seder as he walks you through his bayit (house) on the way to wishing you all a Chag Sameach.  Don't miss Baby Jew-Z joining in the greetings in the last scene of this new video for Passover 2010.

Comedy Showcase - Passover Edition: Meet Bitter Herb, Stand-up Comic

This week our Comedy Showcase star is a cartoon comedian -- Bitter Herb.  A distant cousin of Oscar the Grouch, the talking horseradish root voices his gripes about Pesach in this video clip from Taglit-Birthright Israel.

Bitter Herb was created by William Levin, aka The Jewish Robot.  He wishes everybody a bitter happy Passover.

How to Break a Matzah Exactly in Half

In just six days you'll probably be sitting at a Passover seder where you or your host will attempt to break a matzah in half, putting the smaller piece aside for the afikoman.  At our seder, it's always a tense moment as all watch the matzah being broken exactly (but not quite) in half.

A couple of years ago, the minds at Mantis, an Israeli design company, came up with a foolproof way of using a Japanese tip to break a matzah exactly in half.  If you haven't seen it, it should give you some pre-Pesach laughs and good advice for Yachatz, the breaking of the matzah.  If you have seen it, it's a good refresher course.  But we don't usually put chocolate spread on the broken matzah.  Enjoy!

Yiddish Theater Competition May Lead to More Productions

Can you picture a performance of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance -- in Yiddish?  You may see it -- and many other musicals and plays, if negotiations now underway in the world of Yiddish theater are successful.

The Folksbiene troupe (formerly called the National Yiddish Theater-Folksbiene) has been a presence on the Jewish theater scene for 95 years.  It's the last survivor of the dozen or more theaters that thrived on the Lower East Side in the early 1900's, but two years ago it found that a new theater group, the New Yiddish Repertory Company had arrived and started a sort of competition for the same small audience.

Yiddish theater lovers, concerned about its future, are trying to bring the two groups together and collaborate, if not merge.  This rivalry and its possibilities for growth in this still-lively segment of Broadway and off-Broadway productions is the subject of an article in Friday's New York Times.

Writing in the Times, Joseph Berger reports:

So far, there has been one powwow between Zalmen Mlotek and David Mandelbaum, the artistic directors of Folksbiene and New Yiddish Rep, respectively. At that amicable meeting last month, the two traded ideas about promoting each other’s fare and Folksbiene was asked to consider financing New Yiddish Repertory as an offshoot.

Such amity is no small thing. The narrowing world of Yiddish theater has been bedeviled with one “broyges” — a cherished term for a falling out — after another.
“In a shrinking, small world, there is such hostility between people, and that has to change if anyone has any hope of doing something,” said Mr. Mandelbaum.

And that world is certainly shrinking. In 2006, the nation had 152,515 Yiddish speakers, a 15 percent decline from 2000. Although most live in the New York area, many are either over 65 or are Hasidim, who rarely attend theater.

Mr. Wiesenfeld, however, thinks that statistics about Yiddish speakers may be irrelevant. Folksbiene claims to be appealing more and more to non-Yiddish speakers, by staging free performances at colleges and by using English and Russian supertitles projected over the stage.

Mr. Mlotek added that 10 of the last 13 major productions have been original shows, not revivals, and include fare like a Yiddish adaptation of “The Pirates of Penzance” and an offbeat adaptation of a Yiddish story that features images projected onto prayer shawls.

Here is an interview with cast members of "Di Yam Gazlonim" which translates roughly to "The Sea Thieves" followed by a video of an actual performance of its most famous song, "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General", in Yiddish of course.  Enjoy!

A Matzah Worth 7,500 Pounds on British TV Quiz Show

There's a TV quiz show in the UK called Are You Smarter Than a Ten-Year-Old?  Here's a clip from that show that should give you some pre-Pesach laughs.  For a prize of £7,500, the host asks the contestant, "What is the name of the flat, unleavened bread that Jewish people eat at Passover?"  Then the fun begins.  Enjoy!

More Pesach Parody: The Passover Seder Symbols Song

Thanks to some deft lyrics writing by Barry Levy, video editing by Iftach Shavit, and piano accompaniment by Brad Ross, we're happy to share some pre-seder fun, and also some contemplation of the significance of the symbolic foods that we'll put on the seder table next week.  We couldn't determine the identity of the singer, but his singing style reminds us of Tom Lehrer.

For any of our readers who may have not seen the 1935 film Top Hat, the parody is based on Cheek to Cheek, the classic song from that movie, starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, with music and lyrics by Irving Berlin.
Enjoy!

 
(A tip of the kippah to the Mosenki for bringing this to our attention.)

Passover Time Again in Manischewitzville - A Parody You'll Like

A New Jersey satirist who calls himself Billy Ray Sheet has created a funny Pesach adaptation of Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville that we think you'll like.  It meets our high standards in all respects, so we're bringing it to you for your enjoyment as you go through all of the preparations for Passover.  Enjoy!

92 and 102-Year-Olds Win Top Prizes in First Golden Matzah Bowl Contest

A perfect matzah ball -- the roundest, the fluffiest, the tastiest -- has been the elusive dream of home cooks and professional chefs ever since that dark night in Egypt  when the children of Israel embarked on their exodus.  Well, maybe not that long, but long enough to bring out the best in cooks determined to make it.

On Monday, At Forest Trace, an independent retirement community in Lauderhill, Florida, where Jennie Grossinger's daughter, Elaine Grossinger-Etess is the Hospitality Director, the First Annual Matzah Bowl brought together home cooks, professional caterers, and a panel of judges.

Writing in The Miami Herald, Diana Moskovitz reported:

The unmistakable aroma of matzah ball soup -- part chicken broth, part steamed vegetable, part matzah meal -- wafted throughout.

More than 200 people attended, mostly female and mostly retired. The lobby bustled and buzzed with the commotion of cooking. Ladles clanged. Steam rose. Chefs schmoozed patrons.

Like Phil Goodman with Embassy Kosher Caterers who, no matter their age, referred to all his female patrons as "young lady.''

The event came from Forest Trace adding a kosher kitchen option and looking for a good matzah ball soup recipe, said Stanley Rosenthal, head of SRR Management, which oversees Forest Trace.

The competition had two parts: one for best homemade matzah ball recipe, the other for best professional entry in the Matzah Bowl.

The pros featured six kosher caterers from Broward and Miami-Dade counties. They set up tables with matzah balls cut up and served in plastic cups with plastic spoons.

A few threw in extras, like sides of potato kugel or gefilte fish. But visitors could only judge the matzah balls.

And, because this was a serious food contest, between each table stood a platform with small water cups for palate cleansing.

The entrance "fee'' was a request that everyone bring a box of matzah, which will be donated to the WECARE food pantry.

Six judges sat at a separate table, seriously sampling each entry. Made up of local civic leaders and professional chefs, they chose winners for a range of categories, including Best Out of the Box and Most Like Mom's. The Best of Broward award went to a sundried pesto matzah ball.

Lottie Rossman, 91, of Hollywood was surprised when her recipe won the ``best homemade'' category -- she didn't even know she was a contestant. Her daughter, Diane Magid entered her mother's recipe, calling them "pure and airy, like pillows."

The runner-up prize for best homemade Matzah Ball went to 102-year-old Rae Zwerling, who used her mother's recipe.

They got about a dozen entries. Forest Trace chef Greg Bainbridge made most of the recipes and tested them before picking a winner.

Rossman gave this advice to first-time matzah ball cooks:
"The first time, it never comes out good. You've got to try a few times,'' she said.

 

Comedy Showcase: Meet Jeff Applebaum, Classic Stand-Up Comic

Jeff Applebaum is a New York stand-up comic who transplanted himself to California.

Jeff’s clean comedy examines his particular life experiences, which include being the only white kid on his Little League team in Queens, having a Chinese wife who orders from take-out menus in fluent Mandarin, and raising a pre-teen son who calls himself “Jewnese,” because he says it sounds better than “Chine-ish.”

Jeff made his national TV debut on CBS as a comedian on the "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson."

Jeff was cast by Sandy Hackett, the late Buddy Hackett's son, to play the principal role of Joey Bishop in the long-running musical tribute "The Rat Pack Is Back," in San Francisco, Chicago, and Las Vegas.  Jeff is also credited and appears in the blockbuster film "The Pursuit of Happyness," starring Will Smith.

Jeff has been entertaining people all around North America for over 14 years, including audiences of more than 10,000 people at the ARCO Arena (in Sacramento) and the Anaheim Convention Center. His down-to-earth style and resemblance to popular TV characters has led to great shows at clubs, colleges, and corporate functions.

Here's Jeff performing on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

Jeff is cultivating another generation of comedy.  His 12-year-old son, Josh, has performed on the same bill with Jeff.  Here he is on stage at the 142 Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley, California.

And here's Jeff impersonating the legendary Joey Bishop (Joseph Abraham Gottlieb)  who was perhaps best known for being a member of the Rat Pack with Frank Sinatra, Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis Jr., and Dean Martin. Bishop appeared on television as early as 1948 and eventually starred in his own weekly comedy series as well as hosting a talk show.

Mea Shearim Discovers Ice Cream; Thousands Line Up For Free Taste

Stories have been appearing in the Israeli business press over the past month about the imminent opening of a new ice cream chain in charedi neighborhoods.  The chain, called Zisalek (from the Yiddish, "sweet lick,") finally opened last Friday in the ultra-orthodox Mea Shearim neighborhood in Jerusalem, and the hysteria that it caused was beyond belief.

More than 6,000 yeshiva students, rabbis, women, and children waited in line for a free sample for six hours as the main street of Mea Shearim was closed to traffic.  The lines formed at 6 am and didn't end until it was almost Shabbat.  As late as 2 pm, when store management asked customers to leave because they wanted to prepare for Shabbat, they continued to bang on the windows in their desire to get a sample.

What we have taken for granted for all these years turns out to be a wonder in the charedi world.  To a consumer base that has never seen an ice cream parlor, the appeal of strictly kosher dairy and pareve ice cream in 37 flavors, plus frozen yogurt and waffles was just too great to resist.

As Ofer Petersburg reported in YnetNews.com, 

A secular man who happened to walk by felt as if he had just stepped out of a time machine: "Such a long queue? For ice cream?" 

"What is this white, fluffy, sweet thing that looks like a cotton ball?" asked an elderly rabbi holding an ice cream cone for the first time in his life. "Whipped cream," the salesman explained, and the rabbi rushed to a nearby stairwell to lick the delicacy in private, so as not to be seen – God forbid – enjoying one of the pleasures of life.

Like what happened just the day before in Tel Aviv's Azrieli during the H&M opening the day before, in Mea Shearim too babies were crushed by the masses of people, children lost their parents, women blended with men, and all for one small ice cream cone. The police were forced to close the street to traffic in order to prevent a disaster.

The public quickly got attached to the new product. "Don’t destroy the shape, it will be a shame," one woman told the salesman as she watched him approaching a large chunk of Oreo ice cream covered with real chocolate balls in order to move part of it to the cone.

A commotion broke out when Neturei Karta members arrived with loudspeakers and called out to the crowd: "Modesty, gentlemen, modesty. We don't want any mix up here. Women must not be with men."

The ice cream chain's owner, Yaakov Halperin, immediately organized two queues, one for men and one for women. Iron barriers were dispatched to the area and the men and women were separated. Each time, eight men were allowed to enter the store, followed by eight women.

(Photos by Tzvika Tishler)

The Infidel: Muslim Discovers He Was Born Jewish In New Comedy by David Baddiel

The Infidel, a new British movie by David Baddiel, and starring Iranian Baha'i stand-up comic Omid Djalili and Richard Schiff (remember him as Toby Ziegler in The West Wing?) sets up the improbable scenario of a Muslim taxi driver who discovers he was adopted and is actually Jewish.  As you can imagine, many funny situations develop as the film explores cultural differences and similarities between Jews and Muslims.  The message is that mutual tolerance can be achieved, but the road is sometimes confrontational, hazardous, unpredictable, and in this case, also funny.

As BBC News reported while the film was in production,

"It's a funny old comedy about Muslims and Jews", says writer David Baddiel, clearly used to summing up his film in a soundbite.

Director Josh Appignanesi (Song of Songs) is a little less succinct.

"It's about a sort of everyman chap, second generation Pakistani, a lovable guy who's a Muslim in an everyday way. But he finds out he's adopted, and his real name is it's Solly Shimshillewitz and he was born a Jew. That throws him into comic situations".

"With hilarious consequences!" adds Baddiel with a laugh.

Essentially, the message is that we are all the same. One scene shows Mahmud's shock as he enters a synagogue and realises that everyone looks like him. 

The film opens in the UK on April 9.  We assume that it will appear in the US soon.  In the meantime, enjoy the trailer.

New Gadget Makes It Easier to Have a "Leaner" Passover Seder

Everyone knows that it's customary to lean to the left at the seder table while drinking the wine and eating the matzah because it is symbolic of freedom.  But anyone who's tried it knows that it can be very uncomfortable, if not dangerous.  Spilling wine into your neighbor's lap, getting crumbs all over him or her, over the table, or over the floor, or even falling off the chair!

This year, thanks to Israeli ingenuity, there's a solution to this problem.  It's the Lateral Recliner, released just in time for this year's Passover holiday.

We haven't seen it in our local Judaica stores, so we suspect it's only available in Israel.  But next year...who knows?

Here's a demonstration of the Lateral Recliner in action, and a phone number for ordering it, if you're in Israel.

(A tip of the kippah to Jameel Rashid at The Muqata for bringing this invention to our attention.)