Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers.
Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!
Well, we finally got to see the off-Broadway production of "Old Jews Telling Jokes" and can say that it's even funnier than we expected it to be.
The audience, which consisted mainly of Jews of a certain age, tensed with gidddy anticipation as each joke and story was deftly delivered, and you could tell that they were eager to hear each punch line as if they never heard it before.
We couldn't find anything to criticize about the clever minimalist staging, the acting, the musical numbers, or the sequencing and timing of the jokes and stories, but on reflection, the show should be more honestly titled "Old Jews Telling Old Jewish Jokes." After collecting, chronicling, and sharing so many of them, we concluded that there is no such thing as a new Jewish joke. If there were one, it would age instantly as it was being delivered and immediately join the pantheon of old classics.
In the TheaterMania video below, Tod Susman, Marilyn Sokol, Lenny Wolpe, Bill Army, and Audrey Lynn Weston talk about their comedic influences, the interplay between them in doing the show, and even manage to squeeze in a joke containing three basic Jewish joke elements -- a shlemiel, a rabbi, and a slice of bread. Enjoy!
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Soul Doctor, a new musical portraying the musical odyssey of famed rock star-rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, is coming to New York this week for a three week run at the New York Theatre Workshop on West 4th Street as it prepares for its Broadway debut. Carlebach was a modern day troubador and the beloved and controversial father of popular Jewish music.
Carlebach is considered by many
to be the foremost Jewish religious songwriter of the 20th century. In a
career that spanned 40 years, he composed thousands of melodies and
recorded more than 25 albums that continue to have widespread popularity
and appeal. His influence also continues to this day in "Carlebach Minyanim" and Jewish religious gatherings in many cities and remote areas around the globe.
As The Wall Street Journal reported last December as the show was on tour in Florida:
SOUL DOCTOR takes us on a musical odyssey through the challenges and triumphs of this cultural phenomenon: his childhood escape from Nazi Germany, becoming a rabbinical prodigy in America; discovering Gospel and Soul music during his unlikely friendship with Nina Simone; his meteoric rise as a "Rock Star-Rabbi" in the 1960s, performing with Bob Dylan, Jefferson Airplane and The Grateful Dead; his struggle to reconcile his deep traditional roots with his desire to reach people of all backgrounds in the "free-love generation;" and his personal conflicts trying to keep his family together while traversing the globe as a "Soul Doctor," bringing joy and song to the lonely, the searching and the brokenhearted.
Here's a preview of the show hosted by Larry King. Enjoy!
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We don't know anyone who doesn't have a relative or friend whose diet is restricted by real or imagined food allergies or strong dislikes.
We're not talking about kosher here, but rather about disinclinations to eat anything containing meat, wheat, milk, eggs, soy, peanut, cheese, coffee, lettuce, tomato, rye, cantaloupe, sesame, mackerel, rhubarb, pepper, strawberries, garlic, mushrooms, coconut, eggplant, peas, barley, basil, chocolate, celery, or tuna.
What better way than parody to express the frustrations of having to deal with these food avoidance requirements. And when we came across a brilliantly conceived and executed takeoff on the song "One Day More" from the musical Les Miserables, we just had to share it with you.
The parody, "One Grain More" is the work of Michael Bihovsky, an actor, musician, composer, lyricist, and director of musicals off-Broadway and on screen. Before graduating from NYU and studying at the Julliard School, he graduated from Philadelphia's Akiba Hebrew Academy.
So find that relative or friend who has been driving you crazy with special food requests and laugh as you watch this video together. Enjoy!
(If you didn't catch all of the words, the complete lyrics appear after the video.)
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(A tip of the kippah to Dan Mosenkis for bringing this video to our attention.)
VALJEAN One grain more A dash of millet flour might be the key This never-ending road to gluten free This horrifying food I eat Will never taste the same as wheat One grain more...
COSETTE A quarter cup of cornflake crumbs To meet my carbohydrate quota
VALJEAN One grain more
MARIUS & COSETTE A teaspoon of some xanthan gum And still it tastes like...baking soda
EPIPEN One more dairy substitute
MARIUS & COSETTE Will I ever eat again?
EPIPEN Drinking oat milk from a carton
MARIUS & COSETTE What I'd give for pizza pie
EPIPEN Now I spend my days confused
MARIUS & COSETTE Or a slice of beef on rye...
EPIPEN Wond'ring how you milk an oat
VALJEAN It's so good to see you, Quinoa! You're the protein source I chose Still, you look as if I've seen ya Coming out of someone's nose
MARIUS & COSETTE Flax instead of eggs Try to make it whip Now what do we use Instead of chocolate chips? Carob doesn't work Carob is a trap Anyone who's had it Knows it tastes like crap!
VALJEAN & EPIPEN When the hell is this stuff dated?
MARIUS & COSETTE Burned and bloated day and night
VALJEAN & EPIPEN Why's it smell like something died?
COSETTE What on earth is "lecithin"?
MARIUS Love, I fin'ly defecated!
EPIPEN This does not feel like a bun...
ALL Do you hear the people sneeze And cough and wheeze From allergies?
VALJEAN One grain more!
MARIUS (simul) So I added wheat -- I'm sorry We still had some left in stock Nothing says "it's time to party" Like anaphylactic shock So I guess this must be Quinoi It's not so gross, I suppose Still it looks as if I've seen ya...
COSETTE (simul) Will I ever eat again? What if there's a trace of tree nuts? Someone get my Epi-pen I'm not supposed to breathe in peanuts!
EPIPEN (simul) Have you ever milked an oat? Guess it's better than a goat Try a little nog Smoother than a silk Even though it's made Of neither eggs nor milk! Have another roll Harder than a rock Better hold your breath, Because it tastes like-
VALJEAN & MARIUS Tomorrow we will bitch and moan Tomorrow we'll need cortisone
ALL Tomorrow we'll discover foods That even vegans have forsworn! Wish me luck Mother(BLEEEEEEEEEP) One grain more..
We all love a good pickle with our sandwich or just to snack on.
Half-sour, full-sour or dill, everyone has their favorite. But
who are the people behind the pickle? JTA's Uri Fintzy visited the
United Pickle factory in the Bronx and The Pickle Guys store in the
Lower East Side of Manhattan and witnessed the pickling process, found
out about the Jewish connection and revealed a secret about the actual
"Kosherness" of the Kosher pickle.
In the course of the interview with the pickle people, secrets of pickle making and answers to long standing questions about this consummate Jewish delicacy began to emerge. Watch the video below to find out:
- Is a kosher dill pickle really kosher?
- Why do pickles have a Jewish connection?
- How do you make different pickle flavors?
- What about pickling at home?
- Why do pickles go so well with a sandwich?
Enjoy!
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The Jerusalem-based
improv group Hahafuch has done it again with a parody of the world of fashion
shows.
Hahafuch is Israel’s premier
English-speaking comedy troupe. Their variety shows feature hilarious
original sketches, videos, improv games, musical guests, interview segments,
and more.
Composed of olim (immigrants) from around
the world, Hahafuch aims to present the lighter side of Israel Their
message: "Israel is funny and if you don't think so then you haven't seen
our show."
You have to be in Jerusalem to see their show, but you
can watch their funny videos at Jewish Humor Central. Just scroll down and
enter hahafuch in the "Search this Blog" field.
Enjoy!
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Did you ever wonder what it would be like to go back to nature and work on a farm for the summer while speaking only Yiddish? A group of ten eager participants are doing just that this summer in a farming community located in Goshen, New York, just an hour north of New York City.
Founded by Yisroel Bass and Naftali Ejdelman and funded by grants from Jewish foundations, the Yiddish Farm was established as a venue for Yiddish language immersion and Yiddish programs, ranging in length from a weekend to three months. It functions as a real organic farm, raising vegetables for sale in nearby towns.
In 1939, over 75% of Jews spoke Yiddish
as their primary language. There were over 150 daily newspapers
worldwide, and at least 12 Yiddish theaters in New York alone.
Tragically, the language has been passed down to only a fraction of
today’s youth, though more than 50% of American Jews descend from
Yiddish-speakers.
In recent years there has been a Yiddish revival, with the language now being taught in over 50
universities throughout the world. The Klezmer revival has popularized
Jewish folk music across continents, and over 10,000 Yiddish books are
now available on the internet free of charge.
Workers on the farm and attendees at its programs are now getting the opportunity to speak Yiddish outside of the classroom and restore it to a living language.
Get a close-up view of how these goals are being met in this video of life on the Yiddish Farm. Enjoy!
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Edon Pinchot, a 14 year old Yeshiva student from Chicago, has reached the semi-finals of the America's Got Talent TV show, which airs Tuesday nights on NBC. Edon has played piano since he was nine
years old and has been singing even longer. He comes from a musical
family, is the fourth child of five siblings, and is a straight A
student.
As Rachel Hirshfeld wrote in Israel National News,
Edon Pinchot, a 14-year-old orthodox singer, has advanced to the semi-finals on “America’s Got Talent,” after receiving a standing ovation earlier in the week.
“For me, Edon, is the chosen,” said Howie Mandel, one of the three judges on NBC’s hit reality television show.
"Did you get a standing ovation at your Bar Mitzvah?" asked Mandel after Edon's performance.
“One of the chosen,” said host Nick Cannon.
Howard Stern, the second judge to place a vote, said that while Pinchot’s age worked against him in certain instances, he nonetheless decided to vote for him. "You nailed every single note. You did a great job. You just are
humble, you're nice and I love that about you. America is going to fall
in love with you," Stern said.
Pinchot, dubbed the “Jewish Justin Beiber”, performed the song
“Titanium”, created by David Guetta and Sia, in the quarterfinals of the
competition.
While Sharon Osborne did not officially get to vote for Pinchot or his competitor, Todd Oliver, she did not hold back her opinion.
“Absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, I would have voted for Edon,” she said. “You hit every single note. You sang with great emotion," Osbourne added.
Here's the video of Edon's performance. Enjoy!
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James Cagney, the American actor best known for playing tough guys in gangster films and for winning an Oscar for playing George M. Cohan in Yankee Doodle Dandy, was a fluent Yiddish speaker.
He spoke Yiddish in a few of his films, including Taxi (1932) and The Fighting 69th (1940).
About a month ago, I was watching an early Cagney entry called Taxi!
(1932), and in one early scene, witnessed the diminutive actor of
Irish/Norwegian stock speaking Yiddish... not one or two words, mind
you, but paragraphs.
And I thought to myself -- yet another reason to love Jimmy Cagney.
As if we needed any more.
In fact, Cagney learned that language fluently growing up dirt-poor
on New York's Lower East Side in the early days of the twentieth
century. But he had much more than language skills in his favor.
Though compact, he was scrappy and a natural fighter, often
protecting his brother from neighborhood bullies. He eventually learned
how to box, and became skillful enough to consider doing it for a
living.
He also knew how to hustle and sell. He was in constant motion. From
early days, he worked several jobs to support his family. Even once he'd
made it in Hollywood, he sent his mother the majority of his earnings
till the day she died.
Of course Cagney never mentioned that.
Here's the clip of Cagney as a taxi driver in Taxi. He watches as a man tries to ask an Irish policeman how to get to Ellis Island to see his wife. When he sees that the man can't get through to the cop and says he has a goyishe kop, Cagney asks the man in Yiddish where he wants to go. The man, surprised, asks Cagney if he is Jewish. Cagney replies, "What then, a shaygetz?"
Enjoy the video excerpt. The Yiddish dialogue runs from 1:30 to 4:00 in the 9 minute clip. The full movie (1 hour, 9 minutes) is viewable on YouTube. The DVD is not available from Netflix, but can be purchased at Amazon.com and at DeepDiscount.com.
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This week the Jewish Daily Forward is running a story and video interview about Naomi Kutin, a 10-year-old yeshiva girl from Fair Lawn, New Jersey who set three weightlifting records this year, lifting more than twice her weight of 99 pounds.
Ed and Neshama Kutin proceeded with caution as they trained Naomi,
researching the health effects of child weightlifting. But Ed Kutin said
he found that the typical warnings — stunted growth or injuries — were
nothing but “old wives’ tales.” Even so, Naomi started slowly, using a
14-pound bar instead of the typical 45-pound one. Soon it became
apparent that she excelled at squatting, which is a pose in which the
athlete crouches and then stands up, grasping a barbell across her upper
back. The Kutin family competes “raw” — that is, without supportive
clothes.
When Naomi was 8 years old, her parents brought her to
her first meet, in Clearfield, Pa. She lifted 148 pounds, setting her
first national record. Today, her purple-painted bedroom is dotted with
medals; a shelf of trophies overflows onto a pile of stuffed animals.
The Kutins are Modern Orthodox Jews — he became
religious as an adult, while she converted from Christianity. They
refrain from competing or practicing on the Sabbath. First, there is the
problem of driving to a meet. But even if the Kutins found a
competition close enough to walk to, they still might encounter halachic
quandaries. At powerlifting events, for instance, judges gauge the
quality of each lift by blinking a white or red light to indicate that
the maneuver either passed technical muster or didn’t. If a person
judging a Saturday meet happens to be Jewish, then the Kutins would be
violating Halacha by asking him or her to blink lights on the Sabbath on
their behalf.
Another problem has to do with the physical act of
weightlifting. The Torah prohibits carrying objects on the Sabbath to a
public area from a private home. Technically, Ed Kutin said, the family
could still lift weights in their basement gym. But this would interfere
with the restful spirit of the Sabbath. “We try to avoid it,” he said.
At most two-day powerlifting meets, women and
adolescents compete on Saturdays and men compete on Sundays. Because the
Kutins won’t participate on the Sabbath, Naomi must lift at the Sunday
meets, which are typically filled with muscle-bound, tattooed men. But
she isn’t intimidated. “They are an unusual look for us,” Neshama Kutin
said. “It’s not like you go to synagogue and see that.”
At Yeshivat Noam, Naomi, like all the girls there,
wears a long, dark skirt that covers her knees, as well as shirts with
sleeves that extend to just above her elbows. Naomi’s powerlifting
outfit — typically a spandex onesie with a white T-shirt underneath — is
a very different look. When she’s at home practicing, she augments the
outfit with a 10-year-old’s flair: turquoise striped knee socks and
candy-red ankle boots.
According to Neshama, Naomi’s teachers have cheered on
her powerlifting, placing a newspaper clipping of one of her
record-setting competitions in the hallway trophy case and playing video
recordings of her competitions in school for the girls’ classes. Linda
Stock, the assistant principal at Yeshivat Noam’s elementary school,
said that Naomi’s athleticism has earned her the admiration of her
peers. The powerlifting apparel, she added, does not clash with the
school’s modesty standards.
“I don’t think it plays into anything,” she said. “We
have plenty of kids who wear pants outside of school, or sleeveless
shirts. When they come in, they are dressed appropriately.”
In this video, Naomi and her parents talk about her unusual accomplishments. As she says, "It's kind of weird being stronger than an adult." Enjoy!
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After a few days of posting "feel good" or "Yiddishe nachas" stories, we think it's time for another classic old joke told by (who else?) an old Jew. We hope our reader (only you know who you are) who keeps asking for more jokes will be especially happy today.
The old jokes and the old Jews keep coming. The Old Jews Telling Jokes off-Broadway show
is doing well and one of these days we'll get around to seeing it. But
the web site keeps adding new jokes each week, and it looks like they
will never run out of new old jokes.
We'd love to share all of them with you,
but we'd have to break our pledge to keep the Jewish Humor site
family-friendly. So we keep an eye on our friends over at OldJewsTellingJokes.com and whenever they post a clean or mildly off-color joke we give them an extra few thousand hits by reposting it here.
Today's old joke is The Bank Robbery, another classic, retold by 82-year-old Len Portnoy, a retired chemical engineer. Enjoy!
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What's new in
Brooklyn? An all-female Chasidic Indie Rock group called Bulletproof Stockings.
Yeah. Right.
No, we're not
kidding! Pianist and lead singer Perl Wolf, percussionist Dalia Shusterman and
guitarist Miriam Brosseau have combined their talents to write and perform a collection
of songs influenced by Hasidic, classical, rhythm & blues, and indie rock
music.
Why "Bulletproof
Stockings"? You probably guessed right. It's an inside joke. Read on.
As Yonit Tanenbaum
wrote in a press release for the group,
The walls of the concert hall nestled
on a small side street in Brooklyn reverberate with the solid beats produced by
a five-piece maple wood drum set. Lead singer and songwriter Perl Wolfe's warm
voice rises and falls as her fingers dance gracefully across her Yamaha
keyboard. The expressions on the faces of the all-female audience exude their
intense enjoyment of the performance.
No one would have guessed that here in
Park Slope, a Brooklyn neighborhood filled with brownstones, quaint cafés, avid
bicyclists, and streets bathed in the shadows of overgrown trees, an all-female
Hasidic rock concert was taking place in a below-street-level
synagogue-turned-music-café. Perhaps it's less surprising now than it would
have been in years past; 2012 has brought with it a new sensationalized
curiosity into the lifestyle of Hasidic Judaism, inspired by the likes of
crossover artists such as Matisyahu. But even in today's anything-goes
environment, the idea of an all-female Hasidic rock n' roll band still manages
to raise eyebrows.
Introducing: Bulletproof Stockings --
Hasidic Judaism fused with alternative rock.
With lyrics such as "I followed
you all the way down to the top" and "It's better to be outside
looking in than to be inside looking out," 25-year-old Wolfe shares some
of her deepest feelings and emotions blended with personal experiences and life
lessons with her exceptionally diverse audience. Her songs and live
performances speak to the souls of her fans, consisting of people across the
spectrum of religions, ethnicities, ages and cultural backgrounds, but who have
one thing in common: they are all searching for an authentic sound that truly
expresses their needs, desires, goals and frustrations, and provides them with
much-needed inspiration.
Bulletproof Stockings, whose name is
drawn from the tongue-in-cheek description of the opaque tights worn by many
ultra-modest Hasidic women, is quite unique in its makeup and message. The
percussionist, Dalia G. Shusterman, says the name forms a juxtaposition whose
message is meant to celebrate religious Jewish women and womanhood in general,
"as well as get a bit of a laugh at a freshly owned inside joke" --
which could appear to be offensive toward the ultra-Orthodox.
"We are not making fun,"
Wolfe explained to the all-female crowd consisting of both non-Jews and Jews,
observant and non-observant, during the opening of a recent concert at Café
Bnei in Park Slope, Brooklyn. "We are Hasidic women. Stockings represent
femininity. And we, the women, are bulletproof -- a force to be reckoned with.
We are going to change the world!" Her declaration was met with resounding
applause.
The name connotes an underlying
contrast in daily life. "Everything in the world is a contrast, a balance
between good and evil, dark and light. Being a Hasidic woman means not just
holding on to customs from back in the day, but living in the here-and-now --
bringing those customs into our daily lives to make the world a better place and
creating balance, harmony."
If you can't catch one of their
performances in Brooklyn, or if you happen to be male, you can still listen to
their songs on their myspace page, or download their MP3 album at Amazon.com.
Here's a video of
another of Bulletproof Stockings' original songs, Day by Day. Enjoy!
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody
Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Jewish Humor Central Staff
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief:
Al Kustanowitz Food and Wine Editor:
Aviva Weinberg Israel Food and Wine Consultant Penina Kustanowitz Reporter and Photographer:
Meyer Berkowitz Reporter Phyllis Flancbaum
"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!
"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.
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The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - More than 400 video clips, including music and comedy videos for all the Jewish holidays. View them on Your PC, Mac, Kindle Fire, iPad, iPhone, iTouch, Android Tablet and Smartphone. Click on the image above to peek inside and download a free sample. And now, a paperback edition for anyone who prefers a traditional book and doesn't mind typing the URLs instead of clicking on them.
About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary.
He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook.
He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs.
You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.
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