Tuesday, March 24, 2015

A Bissel of Pesach from the Jewish Home in Australia


The word bissel means "a little bit" in Yiddish. "A Bissel Of..." is a new series of short videos featuring residents of Jewish Care of Victoria in Melbourne, Australia, who give us their answers to a range of questions.

This Bissel of Pesach is the fifth video in the series. We previously posted "Bissel" videos with the seniors' answers to questions about Chanukah, Shabbat, food, and technology.
 
In this video the seniors tackle questions including:

1. What would you say to Moses after 40 years?
2. Why do we lean to the left at the seder table?
3. Have you ever fallen asleep at the seder table?
4. What is your favorite thing to eat on the matzah?
5. What should the perfect matzah ball be like?
6. Do you like to put matzah in the soup?

You asked for more of this series, so here goes!

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Monday, March 23, 2015

A Joke to Start the Week - "Never Go to Bed Angry"


It's another Monday, and it's time for our Joke to Start the Week. Today's joke teller is 75-year-old pharmacist Mannie Young. The joke is from the Old Jews Telling Jokes collection.

Here's the setup: I always went to my Bubbie for advice. So when I got married, I went to her and I said: "Bubbie, what can you tell Charna and I so that we don't become a statistic?" And then...

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)   





Sunday, March 22, 2015

Echad Mi Yodea Like You've Never Heard it Before - Modern Dance or Strip Haggadah?


Any way you experience it, the Passover seder can be a long evening of reading and eating, and by the time we get to the end of the Haggadah, we're ready for a change of pace. The last two songs, Echad mi Yodea and Chad Gadya, usually lend themselves to spirited and animated singing.

Around the world, many variations of these songs are performed, but the one we're sharing with you today is unique. A modern dance number choreographed by Ohad Naharin, artistic director of Israel's Batsheva Dance Company, it includes all 13 verses of the song. 

As modern dance, it's going to get different reactions from viewers in different age groups and with different artistic preferences. We're curious as to your reactions and invite your comments below.

The dance has been performed by many dance groups, including Batsheva and Alvin Ailey. We've looked at a few of them and find them to be similar, but this one by Lenka Kuzněcovová is the most expressive. The dance has been reviewed by many publications with varying interpretations.

As Valerie Gladstone wrote in the Los Angeles Times,
Twenty dancers form a semicircle as Israeli choreographer Ohad Naharin's recorded voice speaks the first words of the traditional Passover song "Echad Mi Yodea" (Who Knows One), marking the beginning of his work by that name.
They sit down, lean forward and bow toward the floor. The Israeli rock group Tractor's Revenge pumps up the tempo with its version of the song. Thrusting out their chests, the dancers tilt backward in their chairs and spread their arms wide, wildly shaking their heads as if possessed. By the end, they are shouting out the lyrics and flinging off most of their clothes in an ecstatic celebration of movement and freedom.
In the Batsheva Dance Company version, the piece begins with a narrator speaking these words in a haunting voice: ”The illusion of beauty and the fine line that separates madness from sanity, the panic behind the laughter and the coexistence of fatigue and elegance.”

We take a lighter approach, and after looking at the pile of clothes left in the center of the stage at the conclusion of the piece, wonder if the group continued with Chad Gadya, what else they would take off.

Enjoy!

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Friday, March 20, 2015

Election Fever: Flash Mob Hatikvah on the Jerusalem Light Rail

 
This week's election in Israel produced lots of campaign ads and videos. Most were attempts to boost the prospects of candidates by overstating their positive attributes and minimizing those of their opponents. But not all were partisan.

One video, shown below, produced by Im Tirtzu, a non-partisan, non-governmental organization, and featuring the a cappella group called KOLture Shock, was called the most patriotic train ride in Jerusalem ever by the Israel Video Network. It was filmed as a flash mob aboard the light rail in Jerusalem.

Im Tirtzu is an extra-governmental movement that works to educate about the values of Zionism in Israel. Im Tirtzu was established in 2006, after the Second Lebanon War, by Israeli intellectuals, students and IDF reservists.  

Im Tirtzu's main objectives focus on working towards a renewal of the Zionist discourse, Zionist thinking and Zionist ideology, to ensure the future of the Jewish nation and of the State of Israel and to advance Israeli society in coping with the challenges it faces. A major portion of Im Tirtzu's efforts is devoted to combating the campaign of de-legitimization against the State of Israel and to providing responses to Post-Zionist and Anti-Zionist phenomena.

KOLture Shock is an a cappella group of Israelis and English-speaking students and olim living in Jerusalem.We have featured them before in a musical parody about the second seder. 

Enjoy!

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(A tip of the kippah to Dan Mosenkis for bringing this video to our attention.)

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Clean Kosher Comedy: A Mid-week Dose to Lighten the Load of Passover Preparation


The supermarket aisles are loaded with Passover products and paraphernalia, new Haggadot are being released, homes are being cleaned, and travel arrangements are being made. 

Have you heard? It's Passover time. Only 15 days until the seder. With all the pressure to make everything perfect for the seder and beyond, we thought that a dose of clean kosher comedy would be helpful to lighten the load and brighten the rest of the week.

We found a video clip on YouTube that we think will do the trick. We think that the comedian is funny and right on the mark. But we don't know who he is. That's right, he's not identified other than that he's available for bookings at Perfect Pitch Entertainment.

So here's a challenge to all you lovers of stand-up comedy, and especially readers who keep asking for more jokes. If you recognize this mystery stand-up comedian, let us know in your comments below.

Enjoy!

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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Passover's Coming...and so are Lots of Questions


The Passover seder is only 16 days away, so we think today is a good day to begin our annual Pesach countdown. 

Over the next two weeks we're going to focus on Passover-related topics and bring you as many new videos as we can find to enhance your observance and enjoyment of the eight day holiday (7 days in Israel).

The Jewish Federations of North America can always be counted on to produce and distribute cute and funny videos to encourage giving and helping people as we get closer to Passover.

In this 2015 video, a group of children ask lots of "Why?" questions that will make you smile. Who says there are only four questions to ask on the seder night(s)? The video ends with a basic question -- "Why can't we just help people?" and leaves the answer up to us.

Enjoy!

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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Streets of Paris Resound to Hava Nagila with Gad Elbaz and Dancers


In light of the recent terror attacks on French journalists and Jews, and in a show of solidarity for the Jewish community of France, Israeli superstar Gad Elbaz has released a new music video to a contemporary upbeat version of Hava Nagila. 

Hava Nagila which means “Lets be happy” is the most well-known Jewish song, and serves as a universal call to unite all people in song. Gad Elbaz along with Jews, Muslim and Christians dancers, dance at the Place De La Republic, Shanzelize and the streets of Paris accompanied by an eastern European Klezmer Band.

“Despite the French army presence at every Jewish site, we still felt the fear and heightened tensions everywhere. That however, did not hold us back from singing and dancing to Hava Nagila in the streets of Paris, and spreading the joy.” said producer-Director Daniel Finkelman.” Its all about people taking a stand and refusing to be bullied, we will not hide our identity as Jews, we are proud to be Jewish” Added Gad Elbaz.

Elbaz already achieved international success by the age of 26 with three number one hit songs, Halayla Zeh Hazman, Or and Al Neharot Bavel.  All of his CD's have climbed high on the charts and sold over 100,000 copies in Israel alone.  Gad began to sing and write music at age four. He first appeared with his father Benny Elbaz, a popular Israeli singer, accompanying him on the hit song Father I Love You.

Gad's music intentionally captures both the observant and secular listener by mixing original and biblical texts with ballads, harmonies, middle-eastern rhythms and modern pop. Many of the songs are a collaboration between him and his wife Moran, where he composes the music and she writes the lyrics. 

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)       




(A tip of the kippah to Rafi of the Life in Israel blog (http://lifeinisrael.blogspot.com) for bringing this video to our attention.)

Monday, March 16, 2015

A Joke to Start the Week - "Chicken in My Pants"


It's another Monday, and time for another Joke to Start the Week. Once more we dip into the archives of Old Jews Telling Jokes for a joke about a very special chicken. Today's joke teller is Mike Frenkel, a 78-year-old attorney.

Here's the setup: Morris and Sue lived in Brooklyn. And Sue says to Morris: "You know, Morris, I'm just sick and tired of the chickens that I'm getting from the chicken market. That kosher market - all they do is give me them skinny chickens." And then...

Enjoy!

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Sunday, March 15, 2015

Streit's Matzo Leaves its Home on the Lower East Side


The Streit's Matzo you buy this Passover will be the last produced in the Streit's factory on Rivington Street in Lower Manhattan. 

The familiar pink boxes that dominate the Passover aisles in supermarkets this month are likely to be back next year, but they will probably contain matzos baked in New Jersey. 

The cousins who now run their Streit's family business have accepted an offer to buy the aging five-story matzo factory on Rivington Street. They haven't decided on where to build a new plant but it's likely to be near their existing facilities in Moonachie, New Jersey.

The Streit's connection with Passover has a long history. In the 1890s, Aron Streit and his wife, Nettie, left Europe and came to America. In 1916, Aron opened his first matzo factory. There, on Pitt Street on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, Aron and his first partner Rabbi Weinberger made all their matzo by hand.

In 1925, Aron and one of his sons opened up a modern bakery in the same building on Rivington Street where Streit's stands today. A few years later, Aron's other son joined the business. With the family working together, the Streit's matzo bakery prospered and Aron bought three adjoining buildings to handle the growing business.

But in time, the neighborhood changed, the machinery broke down, and the family decided it was time for a change.

The story of Streit's matzos has been made into a documentary film that's screening on March 29 and April 7 at the JCC Manhattan. They're even providing a free box of Matzo at the screening.

Here's a video by the Wall Street Journal on the last day's of Streit's in Manhattan.

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Friday, March 13, 2015

Unexpected Traces in Jewish Places: A Country and Western Shalom Aleichem


Beit T'shuvah is a Los Angeles based community with a mission to guide individuals and families towards a path of living well, so that wrestling souls can recover from addiction and learn how to properly heal. 

The Beit T'Shuvah faith-based model, founded on authenticity and wholeness, integrates spirituality, psychotherapy, Jewish teachings, the 12 Steps, and the creative arts. They are a compassionate, supportive community, devoted to building an empowering sense of belonging and purpose to everyone who seeks it. 

They also have a band, and last week they recorded a unique Outlaw Country Shabbat service with all the familiar songs in the Friday night liturgy sung to classic Country and Western tunes.

So put on your boots and cowboy hats, and join them in welcoming Shabbat with Shalom Aleichem sung to the tune of Lookin' Out My Back Door as sung by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Enjoy and Shabbat shalom!

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Thursday, March 12, 2015

Comedy Classic: Rita Rudner, Queen of Clean Stand-up Comedy at the Improv


Rita Rudner has always been one of our favorite comedians. She's funny and generally tells clean jokes -- something that's pretty rare these days.

We're always on the lookout for Rita's appearances in Las Vegas where she now lives or at other locations that she visits to perform her stand-up routines. 

She got her start at an improv comedy club and returned there to give a stand-up performance that was captured and posted on YouTube.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

You've Been Eating Bagels Wrong Your Whole Life


If you're like us, you've probably been eating bagels with a schmear of cream cheese for many years. But did you know you've been eating them the wrong way? Who says? Well, the folks who are behind Murderbot productions, a funny web site say so.

In a funny video posted this week on YouTube, we're being given advice on bypassing the conventional way of cutting a bagel in half and schmearing a thick layer of cream cheese on each half.

To do it the right way, you have to rethink the whole process. Instead of cutting the bagel in half with a knife, forget about the knife and take out an electric drill. Then after drilling a bunch of holes in the bagel, well, you'll have to see the rest for yourself.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 





Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Flagler Hotel: Following the Borscht Belt Trail from Palm Beach to South Fallsburg


We just returned from a month of Jewish humor lectures and programs in South Florida, which included visiting local tourist attractions. 

One of the picturesque sites that we enjoyed was the Flagler Museum in Palm Beach, which once housed a hotel. It was the home of Henry Morrison Flagler, one of the richest men in America, who with John D. Rockefeller, founded the Standard Oil Company.

Our curiosity was piqued by a recollection that before Grossinger's, the Concord, and Kutsher's, there was a Flagler Hotel in South Fallsburg, New York, at the center of the Borscht Belt. Could there be a connection between Flagler's hotel building spree in Florida and one of the first Catskills hotels?

It didn't take much Googling to discover that there was indeed a connection. Although Flagler did not build the Catskills hotel, his Florida properties were the inspiration for the design of the first lavish resort that kept Jewish vacationers happy for many summers.

After Kutsher's, the last of the kosher Catskills hotels, was demolished last year to make way for a new spa hotel, and documented in Welcome to Kutsher's, a film now playing nationwide, we thought that anyone who treasures Catskills memories would enjoy this video explaining the Palm Beach - South Fallsburg connection.

Enjoy!

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Monday, March 9, 2015

A Joke to Start the Week - "Artie the Hit Man"


The northeast is finally getting some relief from the cold and snow, with temperatures in the 50s this week. It's been a rough winter, but we hope it was made easier by the warmth of our jokes every Monday.

Rain, snow, or shine, we're here with a laugh to start off each week. Today's joke is another one from the files of Old Jews Telling Jokes, but be warned, it's a groaner. Our joke teller today is Lawrence Goldberg, a 70-year-old auditor.

Here's the setup: A fellow wanted to get rid of his wife, so he hires a hit man named Artie. And he says "Artie, how much are you going to charge me?" And Artie says "A dollar." And then...

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 



Sunday, March 8, 2015

Yiddish Princess Band Brings Free Yiddish Rock Concert to Rutgers on March 10


Yiddish and hard rock? Would you ever expect those two terms to appear in the same sentence? How about appearing on stage in the form of a free music concert?

That's what's happening this Tuesday evening at 7:30 pm at the Victoria J. Mastrobuono Theater at 85 George Street in New Brunswick, New Jersey.

Yiddish Princess, a Brooklyn-based rock band, has performed around the world, including at the Jewish Culture Festival in Krakow, Poland. The concert this week is being offered in conjunction with a course on Yiddish culture by Jeffrey Shandler, a professor of Jewish studies at Rutgers and a scholar of contemporary Yiddish culture.

As Lois Goldrich wrote in this week's Jewish Standard,
Yiddish Princess “mixes power pop and hard rock with traditional Yiddish music, reflecting the powerful mix of cultures found in Brooklyn and other hipster outposts around the world today,” Dr. Shandler said. The concert, which is open to the public, will be followed by a talk-back with members of the band, which he will moderate, beginning by asking them about their music and their personal journeys as musicians.

The six-member group has been around for several years, Dr. Shandler said, noting that the lead vocalist, Sarah Mina Gordon, is the daughter of the late Adrienne Cooper, “a great singer and teacher… who played an important role in teaching both traditional Yiddish folk song and theater and art songs and encouraged her students to make this music their own."
Her daughter, he said, has done exactly that, although “it’s not the kind of music her mother would make. Her mother was a trained opera singer and had her own approach to singing. Sarah rocks out.”
We' ll be attending the concert. Will you? In the meantime, enjoy this video clip from the Krakow performance.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 
 

Friday, March 6, 2015

It's Still Purim Today - But Only if You're in Jerusalem or Another Walled City


If you're like us, you probably have had your fill of hamantaschen (and snow) and Purim is over. But if you live in Jerusalem, you're celebrating Purim today, the 15th of Adar.

The battles fought between the Jews and their enemies throughout the Persian empire took place on 13 Adar. Around the world, the Jews rested and celebrated on the following day—14 Adar. In the capital city of Shushan, however, where there were a greater number of Jew-haters, the fighting continued for two days, 13 and 14 Adar. The victory celebrations in Shushan were thus held on the 15th.

When the holiday of Purim was set for the 14th of Adar, the sages instituted that Shushan residents perpetually observe Purim on the 15th of Adar—the day when the Shushanite Jews celebrated. The 15th of Adar is hence known as Shushan Purim.

Along with Shushan (which is located in modern-day southwestern Iran), all cities that were walled at the time when the Israelites, under the leadership of Joshua, entered Canaan, observe Purim on the 15th.

Today, the only city that we are certain had walls in Joshua’s times is Jerusalem. And indeed, in the holy city, Purim is festively celebrated one day after all other cities. There are a number of other ancient cities in Israel, such as Jaffa and Tiberias, regarding which there is a reasonable doubt whether they were walled in Joshua’s times. These cities observe two days of Purim. 

Yesterday, Nefesh B'Nefesh staff members walked the streets of Jerusalem spreading joy and distributing baskets of goodies, fulfilling the mitzvah of Mishloach Manot. Nefesh B'Nefesh is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to the revitilization and facilitation of Aliyah. (moving to Israel). 

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 




Thursday, March 5, 2015

Oscars, Shmoscars! Here Are Our Purim Picks Of The Best Movies Of 2014

Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers.  We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2015 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle.  You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.  Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah.
 
There are the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards (Oscars).  But who needs them when the best awards of all are the Silver Graggers.  Jewish Humor Central is proud to present the movie awards from our sister publication, The Kustanowitz Kronikle.

The Silver Graggers are different from the Golden Globes and the Oscars in that there are multiple winners for Best Picture, the only award we give.
 
This year the Kustanowitz kids have been hard at work, deliberating which films released in 2014 merited consideration for this prestigious award.  Today we are announcing the winners of the annual competition.  Here are the best films of 2014, with a brief description of each one.
 
AMERICAN SNIPPER:  The controversial, harrowing, and heroic story of the most successful mohel in U. S. History.

GONE GIRL:
A Conservative family reacts in horror when their daughter returns from a year in Yeshiva insisting on being called by her Hebrew name.

50 SHADES OF BLACK:
A Chasidic fashion designer discovers a secret desire to explore the gradations of his community’s chosen color.

UNBROKEN:
Following Neilah, an overconfident faster transitions right back into Kol Nidre to go for it all  over again.

BIG EYES:  
At his son’s wedding, a man is crushed under the piled-high plate of smorgasbord food as he tries to carry it back to his table.

QUEENSMAN: Mordechai’s Secret Service:
After the Purim story ends, Mordechai becomes a secret service recruiter, traveling the 127 provinces in search of an elite fighting squad. 

THE IMITATION GAME:
A vegetarian/kosher restaurant creates community-wide panic when it starts serving fake shrimp, pork, and bacon that tastes too good to be true.

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS:
A scheming teenager convinces his parents that he sees three stars in the sky at noon, thus ending Shabbat early and allowing him to start using his iPhone.

BIG HERO 6:
A daring American rabbi decrees that the seventh day of Passover is unnecessary, and his community rejoices.

BIRDMAN:
A  Kapparot expert takes the ceremony too far when he tries swinging six chickens over his head at the same time.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY:
At a wedding, the bride’s mother fights with two young friends assigned to guard the Yichud room.

EDGE OF TOMORROW:
A new convert struggles to understand how days in the Hebrew calendar could possibly begin the night before. 

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU:
At the end of Visiting Day at summer camp, a frustrated mother does everything in her power to separate from her homesick daughter.

A MOST VIOLENT YEAR:
A Mafia hitman struggles to cram in all his atoning on Yom Kippur.

WILD:
A Chabad rebbetzin and mother of eight young boys struggles to keep her home in order on a snow day.

TAKEN 3: 
After one congregant takes two more Mishloach Manot packages than he should have, the rabbi swears to track him down and extract revenge.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Netanyahu to Run for U.S. Presidency; Bush, Walker, Cruz, Paul to Run for Knesset

This year Purim starts with the reading of Megillat Esther tonight, March 4. It is read again tomorrow morning, March 5. We wish a Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers. We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2015 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle. You can download the PDF by clicking HERE. Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah. And coming tomorrow - Part 2 of our Purim spoof: THE KUSTANOWITZ KIDS' PICKS FOR THE 2014 SILVER GRAGGER MOVIE AWARDS.

NETANYAHU TO RUN FOR U.S. PRESIDENT;
BUSH, WALKER, CRUZ, PAUL TO RUN FOR KNESSET
Bibi Unanimously Chosen by House and Senate Republicans;
Herzog, Livni to Compete with Clinton in Democratic Primary
Special to The Kustanowitz Kronikle



FAIR LAWN, March 5 – In a stunning overnight development in the run-up to the upcoming elections in Israel this month and in the U.S. in November 2016, the major contenders announced that they will swap roles and run in each other’s country’s elections. 

Amid the controversy surrounding Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech to the U.S. Congress, nobody suspected that the real purpose of the visit and the speech was to announce that he was withdrawing from the Israeli election and  accepting the Republican nomination as the candidate with the best chance of defeating likely Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton.

The announcement caught Americans and Israelis by surprise and created a constitutional crisis. Republicans swiftly agreed to cancel all primaries and debates and start campaigning with Netanyahu immediately. The other major Republican contenders rushed to sign up for an Ulpan to quickly master the Hebrew language so they could start campaigning for seats in the Knesset.

Serious questions have been raised about Netanyahu’s eligibility to run for the office since he is not a native-born American citizen. These have been muted in the face of challenges to President Barack Obama’s citizenship and his issuance of executive orders that some say override sections of the Constitution.

Hillary Clinton’s campaign team was taken aback by the announcement and the sudden entry of  Herzog and Livni as new competitors for the Democratic nomination.


How to Welcome Synagogue Visitors Without Losing Your Seat

FAIR LAWN, March 5 – Archaeologists in Israel have just translated a companion to the Shulchan Aruch - the Code of Jewish Law – which contains laws of synagogue behavior which somehow didn’t get included in the editions studied today.

Called the Shulchan Hafuch, and written centuries ago, the volume is just as relevant today. The laws deal with proper and improper ways to greet strangers who visit our houses of worship and how to balance the courtesy due visitors with the territorial nature of shul attendance.

This possessive attitude toward seats is heightened if our regular Shabbat seat is a particularly desirable one, such as Tevye’s “seat by the eastern wall,” a prized aisle seat, or a sometimes more prized seat at the end of the last row in the back of the shul.

For congregants who attend synagogues regularly, seating is a primary concern. After all, it’s a base from which to carry on conversations with close friends, give and get financial advice, review the baseball scores, criticize the Rabbi’s speech, and occasionally utter a prayer or two.

The newly discovered laws relate to the situation when you wake up late and get to synagogue well into the service. You go to your seat and find a complete stranger sitting there. What to do? How to claim your seat without insulting the stranger and telling him that he is trespassing and occupying your seat?

When our patriarch Abraham saw three strangers approaching from afar, he rushed out to welcome them and offer them refreshment. He didn’t say, “This is MY tent!” or imply that they were trespassing on his property.

This mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim – welcoming guests – is so important that it is one of the ten precepts for which one is rewarded in this world and also in the world to come. This is expressed in the paragraph, Ailu Devarim, at the start of the daily Shacharit service.
The Shulchan Hafuch enumerates creative ways for congregants to reclaim their prized seats.

THE “ME’OD ME’OD CHEVRUTI (UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL)" APPROACH:
You walk into shul and find a stranger sitting in your seat? No problem! Just sit right next to him, very very close. Spread your legs as far as you can and stretch your shoulders until they make contact with his. Odds are that you will shortly have your seat back.

THE ALIYAH SWITCHEROO:
As a stranger, he is very likely to be spotted by the Gabbai and offered an aliyah. As soon as he gets up for the aliyah, move back to your seat and remove all traces of his existence, such as a tallit bag, siddur, chumash, placing them further down the row or in another row. This works best if you place your own tallit bag, siddur and chumash on the two seats next to yours.

THE CONVERSATIONAL APPROACH:
Take the seat next to him. If he appears to want to daven quietly and sincerely, keep starting new conversations, preferably about sports, business, and the world of entertainment.

THE SUPER SHUCKLE:
Take the seat next to him. Cover your head with your tallit and shuckle (shake) back and forth and side to side with ever increasing fervor. (NOTE: This tactic may not be effective if the visitor is also behaving in this manner.)

THE ABRAHAMIC APPROACH:
Offer the visitor a handshake. Say “Shabbat Shalom,” “Gut Shabbos,” “Chag Sameach,” or “Gut Yom Tov,” depending on the occasion and the color, style, and texture of his yarmulke or hat. Introduce yourself. Ask if he is the guest of any member. If not, offer to introduce him to other members at the Kiddush, and invite him to your home for a Shabbat or holiday meal. Then take a seat near him, skipping the one immediately next to him. It’s very likely that he will ask if he has taken your seat and offer to move. Mazal Tov! You have just performed the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, made a visitor happy, and regained your seat in the process.

Wishing you a happy and joyous Purim. May the laughter of Purim resound throughout your home on Purim and all year long.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

A Funny Retelling of the Purim Story by the Glickman Family


Jeff and Ilana Glickman have been producing slick Purim shpiels for the past six years. Every Purim they post a short film filled with parody, original costumes, and lots of shtick comedy.

We just discovered their productions and we're posting their latest Purim Shpiel, a funny retelling of the Purim story featuring their cute children who try to stay to the script but need just a bit of prompting to keep on track.

Each year's production is unique and features some professional looking costumes and props. Previous shpiels included fat suits and realistic firearms. We're keeping the clips in reserve for sharing on future Purim holidays.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 


Monday, March 2, 2015

A Joke to Start the Week - "Abie's Trip to Texas"


Today we're back from a month in South Florida doing lectures and comedy programs in Deerfield Beach for the third year in a row.
We're also celebrating our 5,000th email subscriber and making plans for spending next winter in Florida doing more lectures and shows.
(If you know of a Jewish club, JCC, or synagogue that wants to book any of our 12 Jewish humor programs, please contact us through the "Book a Date" form at www.jewishhumorprograms.com.)

It's a great day for a joke to start the week, especially in North Jersey where the snow and ice keep falling, breaking one record after another. We hope that some jokes will start to melt the snow and ice.

Today's joke teller, another veteran of Old Jews Telling Jokes, is 89-year-old Aaron Schechter, a retired entertainment industry accountant. 

Here's the setup: Abie lives in Brooklyn and he has a son David in the army in Fort Bliss, Texas. Abie is going to visit him. So that morning his wife Becky makes him a meal and then...

Enjoy! 

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)