Jewish Humor Central

Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers. Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Getting Ready for Yom Kippur with Avinu Malkeinu

Yom Kippur begins tonight with Kol Nidrei and ends tomorrow night with the singing of Avinu Malkeinu (Our Father, Our King.) The prayer is chanted at the end of the Neilah service before the last shofar blast of the High Holidays.

There are many versions of Avinu Malkeinu, but one of the most popular is the one composed by Max Janowski. Today we're sharing that version as sung a year ago in New York's Park Avenue Synagogue by cantors Azi Schwartz, Shira Lessek, and Rachel Brook. The words appear below the video.

We hope it puts you in the proper mood to experience a meaningful day of prayer and reflection. We'll be in synagogue all day tomorrow and back on Thursday with our usual Jewish Humor Central mix.

G'mar Chatimah Tovah!

Our father our king, hear our prayer
We have sinned before Thee
Have compassion upon us and upon our children
Help us bring an end to pestilence, war, and famine
Cause all hate and oppression to vanish from the earth
Inscribe us for blessing in the Book Of Life
Let the new year be a good year for us

Avinu malkeinu sh'ma kolenu
Avinu malkeinu chatanu l'fanecha
Avinu malkeinu chamol aleynu
V'al olaleynu v'tapenu

Avinu malkeinu
Kaleh dever v'cherev v'raav mealeynu
Avinu malkeinu kaleh chol tsar
Umastin mealeynu

Avinu malkeinu
Avinu malkeinu
Kotvenu b'sefer chayim tovim
Avinu malkeinu chadesh aleynu
Chadesh aleynu shanah tovah

2 comments:

AnonymousTuesday, September 18, 2018 at 8:09:00 AM EDT
How did they get all those people together before Yom Kippur ... surely no one uses musical instruments and sound systems on the Shabat of Shabats since the Temple was destroyed. (I don't think either piano or cello were common when the Temples stood.)
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Aviva WTuesday, September 18, 2018 at 9:47:00 AM EDT
Such a moving prayer. Let's hope for a good, healthy and safe year to all
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody

Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions

This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!

"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions

This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.

The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com

About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief

A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary. He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook. He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs. You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.

Jewish Humor Central

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Getting Ready for Yom Kippur with Avinu Malkeinu

2 comments:

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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody