A Vegetarian Gefilte Fish Recipe from the Forward's Yiddish Chefs

So you're having guests for Shabbat and of course you're serving gefilte fish, the Ashkenazi national dish. But wait a minute, some of your guests are vegetarian -- not only vegetarian, but vegan, and they won't eat your gefilte fish, whether it's your bubbe's original recipe or whether it came from a jar.

Fear not! The Yiddish chefs at the Jewish Daily Forward, Eve Jochnowitz and Rukhl Schaechter, will show you how to make a vegetarian version whose main ingredients are cauliflower and parsnip.

And while they're mixing, cooking, and tasting, they're bantering inYiddish, so we can pick up some new words and phrases, getting another lesson in mamaloshen, the mother tongue, that is, if your ancestors hailed from Eastern Europe.

Here are some new words that we learned while previewing the video:

Pasternak = parsnip root
Calefiore = cauliflower
Vilshene nis = walnuts
Lopatkele = spatula
Igerkes = cucumbers
Knubble kvetch = garlic press
Tsin-shtecker = toothpick
Zeneft = mustard
Ibergeblibben = leftover
Kratz = scrape
Opgekocht = cooked

Enjoy! Shabbat Shalom!

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"President Obama" Is Guest Speaker at Sheva Brochos in Boro Park

Two months ago there was a Sheva Brochos (post-wedding dinner) in Boro Park for the daughter of Shloime Bochner, Executive Director of Bonei Olam, an organization that provides funding for all aspects of infertility treatments.

The host of the evening, Chaim Ziegler, seemed nervous as he asked the audience to calm down and take their seats. And then he introduced the guest speaker, the President of the United States, who entered with two secret service agents to the strains of "Hail to the Chief" and took his place at a podium emblazoned with the presidential seal.

We'll let you be the judge of how good a job Reggie Brown did as he delivered one joke after another, touching some Jewish bases in addition to the expected political humor.

Some of the best lines:

"My administration is out there creating jobs every day. I'm fighting for people like Mary Grady, from Tallahassee, Florida. Mary worked for Tropicana for 22 years until she got canned. It turns out she could never concentrate."

"For the first time in the history of the United States, 75 percent of the people in this country make up three-quarters of the domestic population."

Enjoy!

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FOUND AT LAST! Mel Brooks' Lost Five Commandments

One of Mel Brooks' funniest bits is a scene from his 1981 film A History of the World: Part 1, in which Brooks, in the role of Moses, comes down from Mount Sinai carrying three tablets containing 15 commandments, only to drop one of the tablets, losing the last five commandments as the tablet shatters into bits.

The scene is short, and the third tablet containing the five lost commandments is visible for only a few seconds. We always assumed that the writing on the tablet was some random Hebrew letters, because we never got a good look at them.

On Monday night we watched the PBS tribute to Brooks on American Masters, on which they played this clip. Seeing it on a 55 inch screen in high definition, all we had to do to read the words on the tablets was to push the pause button. And there they were -- the long lost shattered five commandments.

Here's a translation of the five: You can interpret them any way you want -- that's what we've been doing to the surviving Ten Commandments for thousands of years. But our favorites are Lo Tatzkhik or Lo Titzkhak - obviously an inside joke by the Brooks crew, Lo Tikneh - perhaps the basis for not buying retail, and Lo Teshaber - irony of ironies - as the tablet fell to the ground and broke into tiny pieces.

11. Lo Ta'avor - You shall not pass.
12. Lo Tatzkhik - You shall not make people laugh or Lo Titzkhak - You shall not laugh.
13. Lo Tikneh - You shall not buy.
14. Lo Talunu - You shall not stay. (But the third letter may be a resh, which makes translation difficult.)
15. Lo Teshaber - You shall not break. 

COME ON, ALL YOU HEBREW LINGUISTS. THIS IS A FIND THAT RIVALS THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS.

LET'S SEE SOME MORE CREATIVE INTERPRETATIONS! POST THEM AS COMMENTS.

Here's the full clip. Enjoy!

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P.S. If you missed the PBS Mel Brooks special, it's being shown nine more times during the next week. Here are the listings for Cablevision in the New York-New Jersey metro area. Check your local listings for dates and times on your networks.

• Wed 5/22 5:00AM - 6:30AM, CH 13 13HD
• Sun 5/26 11:30PM - 1:00AM, CH 13 13HD
• Sun 5/26 11:30PM - 1:00AM, CH 713 13HD
• Thu 5/30 11:00PM - 12:30AM, CH 8 NJTV
• Sat 6/1 5:00AM - 6:30AM, CH 8 NJTV
• Sun 6/2 12:00AM - 1:30AM, CH 132 21WLD
• Sun 6/2 5:00AM - 6:30AM, CH 132 21WLD
• Sun 6/2 11:00AM - 12:30PM, CH 132 21WLD
• Sun 6/2 7:00PM - 8:30PM, CH 132 21WLD

"There Is Nothing Like a Lox" - Another Allan Sherman Lost Song Treasure

Last month we previewed Overweight Sensation: The Life and Comedy of Allan Sherman, Mark Cohen's new biography of the king of musical parody. In the preview that included 76 Sol Cohens, a spoof of 76 Trombones from "The Music Man", we promised that we would share more of the lost gems that Cohen discovered during the research that he did for the book. 

Here is another item from the collection. There is Nothing Like a Lox, another one of his "Goldeneh Moments From Broadway," is a parody of There is Nothing Like a Dame from Rodgers and Hammerstein's South Pacific (Sherman joked that it should be from South Passaic).

And just in case you don't remember the Rodgers and Hammerstein original, the Shermanesque version is followed by a clip from the 1958 film starring Rossano Brazzi and Mitzi Gaynor.

Enjoy!

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A Joke to Start the Week: "Social Security"

It's Monday, and you know what that means. Another week, another joke. This one also comes from the files of Old Jews Telling Jokes. Today's joke teller is Sara Ross, a 66-year-old retired CPA. 

After telling the joke, she explains that her mother, a Holocaust survivor, could never tell a joke. But she went to the Catskills and picked up this one which she retold perfectly and taught it to her daughter, who tells it now as a tribute to her mother.

Here's the setup: Her husband turns 65 years old and wants to go to the Social Security office, but he can't find his birth certificate. But he goes anyway, and then...

Enjoy!

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Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places: Vienna Hosts First European Jewish Choir Festival

Hundreds of singers from across Europe convened in Vienna on the banks of the river Danube last week for the first European Jewish Choir Festival. The festival culminated last Sunday in a gala concert titled “Shir LaShalom - A Song for Peace” at the Austria Center Vienna, where 400 vocalists from Jewish choirs from 16 European cities presented their repertoires. 

The event, which drew some 1,500 spectators over the weekend, was sponsored by the European Jewish Parliament, the European Jewish Union, the Jewish Community of Vienna and the Austrian state. 

In addition to concerts, the festival’s Jewish and non-Jewish singers participated in workshops to increase cultural exchange, an element which Roman Grinberg, choirmaster of the Vienna Jewish Choir, described as “extremely important” for organizers. 

“The excitement here is enormous, and it shows in the beaming faces of participants,” said Joel Rubinfeld, co-chair of the European Jewish Parliament.Rubinfeld said singers and musicians from the festival turned an informal dinner on Thursday at Vienna’s Alef Alef kosher restaurant into an impromptu klezmer and song concert. 

The event is to become an annual festival. Next year’s gathering is scheduled to take place in Rome and, the following year, in Paris.

Here is JN1's video report on the festival. Enjoy!

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Mel Brooks Fan Alert: Don't Miss Monday Night PBS American Masters Documentary

Attention all Mel Brooks fans: Don't miss the PBS American Masters special Mel Brooks: Make a Noise, premiering nationwide at 9 pm Monday night, May 20, 2013 on PBS (check local listings).

After 60 years in show business, Mel Brooks has earned more major awards than any other living entertainer; he is one of 14 EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony) winners. Yet, the comedy giant has energetically avoided a documentary profile being made, even issuing an informal gag order on his friends … until now. Brooks agreed to throw himself into a new documentary about his storied career, giving American Masters exclusive interviews and complete access to his film and photo archives. 

American Masters Mel Brooks: Make a Noise features new interviews with Brooks, his friends and colleagues, including Matthew Broderick, Nathan Lane, Cloris Leachman, Joan Rivers, Tracey Ullman, and his close friend, with whom he created The 2000 Year Old Man more than 50 years ago, Carl Reiner. A DVD with bonus material will be available Tuesday, May 21 from Shout Factory.

Showcasing the Brooklyn native’s brilliant, skewed originality, American Masters Mel Brooks: Make a Noise journeys through Brooks’ early years in the creative beginnings of live television — with Sid Caesar on Your Show of Shows — to the film genres he so successfully satirized in Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, High Anxiety, and Spaceballs — to the groundbreaking Broadway musical version of his first film, The Producers. The documentary also delves into his professional and personal ups and downs — his childhood, his first wife and subsequent 41-year marriage to Anne Bancroft — capturing a never-before-heard sense of reflection and confession.

“There are a few singular voices of genius in film comedy; Mel Brooks joins the ranks of Chaplin, Keaton and Woody Allen, creating a genre unto himself,” said Susan Lacy, creator and executive producer of American Masters. “This project has been a joy. Mel can make anything funny — he even had me in stitches during a conference call about distribution contracts. His humor is truly instinctive — and constant!”
 
Here's a trailer promoting the documentary:

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And here's a short clip from the American Masters tribute: Rob Reiner tells about the time that his father, Carl Reiner, and Mel Brooks were writing a six minute segment with the 2000 Year Old Man for the Ed Sullivan Show. Rob suggested a joke to his father about how applause was invented (by Sol), and he was thrilled when Carl and Mel actually used it in the show.



Enjoy!

Shavuot Starts Tonight. What's Your Favorite Torah Story? The Children of Boston Speak Out

Tonight is the start of the holiday of Shavuot, the celebration of the giving of the Torah. In the diaspora the holiday lasts for two days, and in Israel just one day. But what observances everywhere have in common is the Tikun Leil Shavuot, the study of Torah all night, commemorating the anticipation by the Jewish people of receiving the Torah on Mount Sinai about 3,500 years ago.

In Jewish communities around the world, young and old attend lectures and study sessions in synagogues and homes that start around midnight and last as long as the participants can stay awake, usually fortified by coffee and cheesecake.

Everyone has his or her favorite part of the Torah, whether it's in the Chumash or in the Prophets. The Solomon Schechter Day School of Greater Boston made this clear with a video showing 16 children from Kindergarten through eighth grade telling what their favorite story is. The kids do not disappoint, and they are very cute.

We will be listening and learning tonight (well, maybe not all night) and catching up on lost sleep Wednesday and Thursday. We'll be back with our usual Jewish humor mix on Friday.

Enjoy the video, and have a Chag Sameach.

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A Joke to Start the Week: "Out of Toilet Paper"

This is a week of holidays. Yesterday was Mother's Day and now we're getting ready to celebrate Shavuot on Tuesday night, Wednesday, and Thursday. Our friends and family in Israel get shortchanged on the cheese cake with Shavuot ending on Wednesday night. 

But we're back in the USA so we won't be posting on Wednesday and Thursday. There's still enough time to laugh, so we're starting the work week with the usual Monday joke, and we'll have something for Shavuot tomorrow.

Bea Osher, a 93-year-old Domestic Engineer, is another member of the Old Jews Telling Jokes troupe. In this video, she tells what happened when Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, who are in the shmatte business in Los Angeles, changed their name to Chippendale and had an elegant party in their mansion. And then the butler burst in to tell Mrs. Chippendale that they are out of toilet paper. And then...

Enjoy!

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My Yiddishe Mamme - Cantor and Rock Star Join In Mother's Day Tribute From Australia

Today is Mother's Day in many countries, including the United States and Australia.

One of the best loved musical tributes to Jewish mothers is the song My Yiddishe Mamme, written by Jack Yellen and Lew Pollack in 1925. It was first recorded by Willie Howard, and was made famous in vaudeville by Belle Baker and by Sophie Tucker, and later by the Barry Sisters. 

The song has been sung and recorded in many languages since then. In 2009, Cantor Yitzhak Meir Helfgot, one of the greatest and most important cantorial voices of the 21st century, sang it in a concert at the Central Synagogue in Sydney, Australia. He was joined by Jimmy Barnes, Australia's most successful Rock & Roll singer, in an English/Yiddish duet.

Writing in J-Wire, Jewish Online News from Australia and New Zealand, Henry Benjamin reported:

Barnes later took to the stage by himself to sing a solo version of “What a Wonderful World”. But before he performed he told the audience that he had telephoned his mother yesterday to ask her why she had given him a Star of David when he was about 18.

He told the crowd that his mother had said: “My mother gave it to me and her mother had given to her so I thought I would give it to you.” He then said that he had asked his mother if her grandmother was Jewish and she replied that she was and that her name was Esther.

Barnes continued: “If I get this right, my great grandmother was Jewish, my grandmother was Jewish, my mother is Jewish so I must be Jewish.”  If he was expecting a welcome home, he got it in spades as the crowd applauded the story rapturously.

We hope you enjoy the Helfgot/Barnes rendition of My Yiddishe Mamme and we wish all of our readers a happy Mother's Day.

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