Tuesday, September 30, 2014

People Trying Jewish Food for the First Time - Hilarious!


Gefilte Fish. Kugel. Matzah Ball Soup. Chopped Liver. Rugelach. Manischewitz Concord Grape Wine.

Odds are that you ate some or all these foods last week at a Rosh Hashanah or Shabbat meal, and probably didn't think twice about it.

But what would happen if you put these heimishe traditional Jewish foods in front of non-Jews who never heard of them and never tasted them? 

Just a few days ago, BuzzFeed Yellow, the website that posts all sorts of funny videos, posted this one and it already has more than a million page views. So it's likely that you've already seen it, but we couldn't resist posting it on Jewish Humor Central because it's such a perfect fit for our site. It even inspired us to create an hour-long comedy program called Jewish Food Follies to add to the roster of programs and lectures that we're doing around the USA and in Israel.

How did the non-Jewish tasters react when they sampled our delicious dishes? You have to see the video, but here are a few examples:

GEFILTE FISH: "It's like if tuna got pushed into a ball and got compressed for hundreds of years."
KUGEL: "It's like it wants to be macaroni and cheese and also wants to be a cake but doesn't know which one it is yet."
MATZAH BALL SOUP: "I would eat this all day. I would have sex with this."
CHOPPED LIVER: "This is poop. It seriously looks like diarrhea. The consistency is exactly like Fancy Feast."
RUGELACH: "It's real packed in. It has the same consistency as gefilte fish."
MANISCHEWITZ WINE: "I could get wasted off this at a nice Passover or Bar Mitzvah."

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 



(A tip of the kippah to Jack Kustanowitz for first bringing this video to our attention.)

Monday, September 29, 2014

A Joke to Start the Week - "Monday, Wednesday, Friday"


It's been a long holiday weekend, with two days of Rosh Hashanah followed by Shabbat, and now it's another Monday. Time to get back to work, but not before checking out the Joke to Start the Week.

Today we're bringing you another joke by Max Rosenthal from Old Jews Telling Jokes. Max is probably the most popular joke teller on that very funny website and generates more page views on Jewish Humor Central than any other jokester.

Only four weeks ago we shared another of Max's jokes that he delivered with the skill of the actor that he is. The September 1 joke had to do with Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro visiting their doctor, and today's joke is about Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg visiting their doctor about a related matter.

Here's the setup for the joke by 88-year-old Max, veteran of a childrenswear business and character actor:

Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg go to the doctor for their annual checkup and afterwards the doctor calls in Mr. Goldberg. He says: "Mr. Goldberg, your wife is a little edgy, she's nervous..." And then...

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)



Sunday, September 28, 2014

Former Israeli President Shimon Peres Goes Job Hunting


After 66 years in Israeli public life and seven years as the country's president, Shimon Peres found himself jobless when he retired this year at the age of 91.

So, unwilling to stop campaigning for peace and offering pearls of wisdom to anyone who will listen, Peres agreed to participate in a light-hearted funny video produced by his granddaughter, screenwriter Mika Almog.

In the five-minute video, Peres visits the employment office where he recounts his many previous jobs, only to be told that they have no relevance in today's world. So the placement advisor says "Let's try and hope for the best." 

Peres gets placed as a gas station attendant, security guard, supermarket checkout clerk, pizza deliveryman, standup comic, and skydiving coach. In each situation he manages to offer a sage bit of advice.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)



Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Wishing All of Our Readers a Shanah Tovah - Happy New Year 5775


Thanks to our thousands of loyal subscribers and casual readers worldwide who have joined us during the year.  We started this blog on October 5, 2009 and it's been going strong with more than 1500 blog entries over the last four  years.  We appreciate your loyalty and we hope to keep bringing you a daily mix of Jewish humor in all of its forms -- traditional, eclectic, unbelievable but true, and just funny, tempered with touches of nostalgia and Yiddishe nachas.
 
5774 has been an amazing year for us -- a year in which our fifth grandchild was born, a year of wonderful friendship, a year in which our nine books on Jewish humor have been selling on Amazon.com, and in which we performed comedy shows and lectures in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Israel.
 
We'll be attending Rosh Hashanah and Shabbat services for the next three days, and we'll be back posting again on Sunday.  Here's wishing a happy, healthy, joyous, prosperous and funny New Year from our family to yours! 
 
The Kustanowitz Kronikle is our Rosh Hashanah Greeting Card. 
Click on the page below for a printable PDF version. 
http://www.kustanowitz.com/kronrh14.pdf
 

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Strange New Fruits Appear in Markets for Rosh Hashanah

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Dragon Fruit


It's customary to have a new fruit on the table when we make the Shehecheyanu blessing on the second night of Rosh Hashanah. We remember when that meant figs or dates that we hadn't eaten since the previous year. But times are changing, and it seems that each New Year brings strange new fruits to our supermarkets.
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Horned Melon
Today we visited a supermarket in Monsey, New York and found a vast display of fruits that are not seen all year, such as dragon fruit, cherimoya, horned melon, pepino melon, guanabana, star fruit, and rambutan. They command high prices and we suspect that they are grown just to be conversation pieces as families sit down for a Rosh Hashanah meal.
http://bittermelon.us/image/data/306601-rambutan-fruit-and-flower-tegalalang-indonesia%20herbalhome%20%20(15).jpg
Rambutan
The Yavneh Hebrew Academy of Los Angeles sent student reporter Gabi Wachtel to the local market to size up the displays of new fruit for the New Year. He checked out the individual fruits and tasted them with the help of a local expert. Then it was time to check out all the varieties of apples and honey. What new fruit will you be eating Wednesday evening?

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)


Monday, September 22, 2014

A Joke to Start the Week - "Someone Stole My Bicycle"


This is Monday of a very special week, the week that includes Rosh Hashanah. So we searched for a joke to start the week that has special significance as we think about repentance.

The theme of today's joke focuses on the Ten Commandments, and how reciting them can sometimes lead to unexpected results.

Today's joke teller is Marvin Rachelefsky, a 65-year-old neurologist. Here's the setup for the joke:

In the South, where towns often coudn't support more than one congregation or one church, so the rabbi got together with the priest, and then...

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)


Sunday, September 21, 2014

"Green Eggs, No Ham" -- an Animated Dr. Seuss Parody for Rosh Hashanah


What happens when Allison Josephs, creator of Jew in the City (JITC) finds herself in a Dr. Seuss-like world with "Survivor" winner Ethan Zohn? "An animated story that uses the imamgery of the Seuss classic Green Eggs and Ham. This one, however, is called Green Eggs, No Ham!

Unlike the original, where the main character is nudged to try the combination of Green Eggs and Ham, a combination that he resists through many attempts to get him to try it, in this parody Torah study is the object that he is asked in many ways to try.

After many entreaties and rejections, the character finally agrees to give Torah study a try. The animated drawings and text have a Seussian look and feel although the video is a parody and is not made or authorized by Dr. Seuss.

Josephs started the Jew in the City website to counter negative impressions of Orthodox Judaism, to break down stereotypes about religious Jews and offer a humorous, meaningful outlook into Orthodox Judaism.

Jew in the City is reshaping the way society views Orthodox Jews and Judaism through social media, corporate cultural diversity training seminars, lectures, and consulting services. The JITC team publicizes the message that Orthodox Jews can be funny, approachable, educated, pro-women and open-minded—and that Orthodox Judaism links the Jewish people to a deep and beautiful heritage that is just as relevant today as it ever was.

Enjoy!
 
(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Friday, September 19, 2014

Rosh Hashanah Greetings and Answers From Cute Kids in Delaware JCC


We're being indundated with new Internet videos relating to Rosh Hashanah, which arrives next Wednesday evening. They come in many forms -- original music videos, parodies of pop songs, and calls for reflection and self-improvement by rabbis and other serious Jews.

We've shared a few that we think are the most entertaining and still have a few more to go. But today we're sharing a video from another source that should be heard from -- preschool children. There's nothing like the answers these kids give to the basic questions you'd ask about the holiday. 

Here are the questions posed to the kids of the Early Childhood Center of the Delaware JCC and their cute and funny answers:

What is Rosh Hashanah?
What do you like to eat on Rosh Hashanah?
Why do we eat apples and honey?
What do you do on Rosh Hashanah?
Where is Israel?
What do you want to wish Israel for Rosh Hashanah?
What are your wishes for the New Year?
Can you sing us a song for Rosh Hashanah?

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)



Thursday, September 18, 2014

Stand-up Comic Modi Gives a Hilarious Performance


Modi Rosenfeld, the stand-up Jewish comedian known simply as Modi, has been one of our favorites ever since we started Jewish Humor Central. 

A few months ago, he appeared at a Chabad event and left the audience laughing out loud at his description of airport security personnel reacting to him carrying a five-foot shofar through the airport. In the six minute video he also cites hilarious differences between Ashkenazim and Sefardim in synagogues and in social situations. 

We think it's a great way to approach the High Holiday season with a touch of humor, as Modi clearly points out to his audience. We only wish that the video were larger and clearer, but it was taken with a cell phone so we have to settle for a smaller picture. But the sound is good enough to give us a few laughs.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)


Wednesday, September 17, 2014

How Not to Get Stuck in "Rush" Hashanah Traffic - A Chabad Humor Video


What would you do if you were heading home on erev Rosh Hashana and got stuck in traffic behind a driver who actually fell asleep at the wheel at 19 minutes before sunset?

Chabad has produced a funny short video about just such a situation. In this video clip, the exasperated Hasidic driver honks his horn, yells out the window, tries to push the car out of the way, uses a microphone, a cymbal, and a guitar to rouse the sleeping driver. When none of these are successful, he reaches into his waistband and comes up with a solution (and a message) that's perfect for Rosh Hashanah.

The video was created by Jewish Educational Trade School (JETS), based in Granada Hills, California. The New Creative Arts Wing aims to teach Cinematography, Photography, Music, Theater, Dance and Art to the Jewish youth who attend the school.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)