Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers.
Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!
"Please do not uproot the planted,
Do not forget the hope.
Bring me back and I shall return
to the good land."
Today is Chol Hamoed, the intermediate day of Passover, but it's still a struggle to say "Happy Holidays".
We found words of encouragement and comfort in the song "Al Kol Eleh”, (For All These), the words of encouragement that Naomi Shemer wrote to her widowed sister.
Join us in watching and listening to the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra and the musicians of the IDF Orchestra conducted by Major Rom Shamir
in this timeless entreaty to God. We hope the line "Hashiveni v'ashuva" (Bring me back and I shall return) is heard and that our hostages return soon.
Moadim L'simcha!
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Yehoram Gaon has been an Israeli musical legend for more than half a century. In 1984 Naomi Shemer wrote a song, Lo Tenatzchu Oti, for a new album that he released that year. It has become very popular in Israel.
Now Yehoram Gaon has produced a new video of this song, joining with the choirs of the Israel Defense Forces to make a forceful statement that Israel will not be defeated.
One of the enjoyable aspects of this song is that the attitude is not
one of arrogance, but one of unity. If there is one secret aspect to
Israel’s success thus far in the War in Gaza, it is the unity that is so
pervasive at this moment in history. Because of the enormity of the
horrible tragedy of the massacre on October 7th, Israelis instinctively
banded together to fight back.
The song is in Hebrew with English subtitles. The English words appear below the video.
Am Yisrael Chai!
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You won't defeat me.
From my window I can see
a street like an over flowing river
and people on their way to work.
And young children going to school
with their satchels on their backs.
And in their hands they hold some blossoming myrtle branches.
Suddenly it becomes clear,
And I say to myself:
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
From my window I can see
A plane taking off, a plane flying,
Hiding in the distant clouds.
I hear a machine in the right tune that rolls around outside and in the markets.
Suddenly it becomes clear,
And I say to myself:
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
In my window are spring and autumn.
A rainy day and a scorching day.
Light and darkness, soloist and choir.
It’s all mixed up and confused.
Songs of Lamentations, Songs of Hallel.
And sometimes it’s one giant mess.
Suddenly it becomes clear,
And I say to myself:
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
Lu Yehi was written and composed by Naomi Shemer during the Yom
Kippur War (1973), and has since become one of the symbols of the war.
Before the war, Naomi Shemer decided to write Hebrew words for the
Beatles' song “Let It Be”. She did not like the translation of the
song's name to "Shihyeh" which could be understood as “Whatever,” and
thought that it should be given the name "Lu Yehi".
Her version is not a translation of the Beatles song but a hopeful
prayer for a quick end to the war and for the safety of IDF soldiers
("This is the end of the summer, the end of the road, let them come
back.")
Mordechai Shevitz, Naomi Shemer’s second husband and poet in his own
right, who had just returned from reserve military service, declared: "I
will not let you waste this song on the tune of strangers, this is
about a Jewish war and you must write a Jewish melody.” This statement
rang true for Naomi and accordingly she changed the tune to fit the
Hebrew words.
In this video recorded on October 20 at the Park Avenue Synagogue in New York City, Cantor Azi Schwartz sang Naomi Shemer's song in a Kabbalat Shabbat service that included remarks by Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove, New York City Mayor Eric Adams and Pastor Kaji Dousa.
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Chocolate, Menta, Mastik (Hebrew: שוקולד מנטה מסטיק, translation: Chocolate, mint, gum) was an Israeli female musical trio, active in the 1970s, composed of Yardena Arazi, Ruthie Holzman and either Tami Azaria (1972-1973) or Leah Lupatin. All the girls served in the IDF
as part of the Nahal Ensemble.
The trio performed both in Israel and internationally, especially after being the 1976 entry to the Eurovision
Song Contest in The Hague with "Emor Shalom".
In this video they sing B'Rosh Hashanah by Naomi Shemer, her most beloved New Year Song. The Hebrew lyrics and English translation appear below the video.
Enjoy!
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בראש השנה
נעמי שמרמילים ולחן: נעמי שמר בראש השנה, בראש השנה
פרחה שושנה אצלי בגינה
בראש השנה סירה לבנה
עגנה לה בחוף פתאום
בראש השנה, בראש השנה
ליבנו ענה בתפילה נושנה
שיפה ושונה תהא השנה
אשר מתחילה לה היום
בראש השנה, בראש השנה
פרחה עננה ברקיע הסתיו
בראש השנה כנר נשמה
נדלק בשדה חצב
בראש השנה, בראש השנה
ליבנו ענה בתפילה נושנה
שיפה ושונה תהא השנה
אשר מתחילה עכשיו.
בראש השנה, בראש השנה
פרחה מנגינה שאיש לא הכיר
ותוך יממה הזמר המה
מכל חלונות העיר
בראש השנה, בראש השנה
ליבנו ענה בתפילה נושנה
שיפה ושונה תהא השנה
אשר מתחילה בשיר
On Rosh Hashanah, on Rosh Hashanah, In my garden bloomed a rose. On Rosh Hashanah, a white sailboat Suddenly set anchor by the shore.
On Rosh Hashanah, on Rosh Hashanah, Our heart responded in ancient prayer: May the year beginning anew today Be wonderful and special in every way.
On Rosh Hashanah, on Rosh Hashanah, In the autumn sky bloomed a first cloud. On Rosh Hashanah, Rising like a memorial flame, In the meadow bloomed the first squill.
On Rosh Hashanah, on Rosh Hashanah, Our heart responded in ancient prayer: May the year beginning anew today Be wonderful and special in every way.
On Rosh Hashanah, on Rosh Hashanah, Bloomed a melody - new and unknown, And overnight its strains did resound From every casement in town.
On Rosh Hashanah, on Rosh Hashanah, Our heart responded in ancient prayer: May the year beginning anew today Be wonderful and special in every way.
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody
Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Jewish Humor Central Staff
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief:
Al Kustanowitz Food and Wine Editor:
Aviva Weinberg Israel Food and Wine Consultant Penina Kustanowitz Reporter and Photographer:
Meyer Berkowitz Reporter Phyllis Flancbaum
Now You Can Book Program and Lecture Dates for 2025 and 2026 in Person and Via ZOOM
Now is the time to book our Jewish humor programs and lectures for your 2025 and 2026 events in person and via ZOOM anywhere in the world. Book any of our 22 popular programs including "The Great Jewish Comedians", “Israel is a Funny Country”, and "Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places." Click above for details and videos. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com
"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!
"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.
Now is the time to book our Jewish Humor Shows and Lectures in person or on ZOOM.
Bring Al's Jewish humor lectures and comedy programs with the funniest videos on the Internet to your community and your synagogue, club, JCC, organization or private event in person or via ZOOM. We're taking reservations now for 2025 and 2026 dates in your community. Click above for details. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com.
Now Open: The Jewish Humor Central Gift Shop
Jewish Humor Central logo merchandise is now available. Click on the image above to see the complete collection -- More than 100 items from tote bags, baseball caps, mugs, aprons, drinkware, T-shirts and sweatshirts, to pajamas and underwear.
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - More than 400 video clips, including music and comedy videos for all the Jewish holidays. View them on Your PC, Mac, Kindle Fire, iPad, iPhone, iTouch, Android Tablet and Smartphone. Click on the image above to peek inside and download a free sample. And now, a paperback edition for anyone who prefers a traditional book and doesn't mind typing the URLs instead of clicking on them.
About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary.
He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook.
He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs.
You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.
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[image: Story 375601404]
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