A Joke to Start the Week - "The Haircut"

It's another Monday, and time for another Joke to Start the week. Here's another one from author and lecturer Michael Krasny.

Krasny has been telling Jewish jokes since his bar mitzvah, and it’s been said that he knows more of them than anyone on the planet. He certainly states his case in his latest book Let There be Laughter.

In promoting the book, Krasny has been giving lectures and interviews in which he tells some of the classic Jewish jokes, explaining the cultural expressions and anxieties behind the laughs.

We found some videos of these lectures, and today we're sharing another oldie but goodie.

Here's the setup: A barber opens a new barber shop and he's got a spiffy new barber pole. A priest comes in, and he gives the priest a haircut. And then...

Enjoy!

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO. 

 

Batman Joins 5000 Rabbis in Giant Chabad Photo

When 5,000 Chabad rabbis gathered in Brooklyn last month for their annual international conference, they posed for the traditional group photo, sitting in multi-level bleachers constructed just for the occasion.

The same photo is taken every year, but unlike the unvarying black clothing that they wear, the advance of technology makes a difference. This year the rabbis were pranked by Meir Kalmanson, whose funny videos about high-fiving in New York and dancing behind people in Jerusalem we have been sharing with you. Kalmanson, who goes by the name Meir Kay, made a video about the construction of the bleachers and the anticipation of attendees for the big snap. 

We thought it would have been a great idea to have someone dressed in a Waldo costume infiltrate the group and turn it into a Where's Waldo? moment, but Kalmanson had a better idea. What better comic book character to insert himself into the photo but Batman? Dressed in a Batman costume, the prankster joined the thousands of similarly clad rabbis. The funny photo was picked up by the Daily Mail in the UK and elsewhere. 

Another intruding technological influence was the selfie, enabled by many of the rabbis pulling out their smartphones, unable to resist the rare opportunity for a closeup with a sea of black clad rabbis in the background.

Enjoy!

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO

Kosher Switch for Using Electricity on Shabbat Ignites Rabbinic Controversy

Flipping a wall switch on Shabbat to turn on electric lights in a room is considered a prohibition by Orthodox Jews. It is less of a problem to Conservative Jews and not an issue with other Jewish denominations. 

Members of Orthodox communities don't spend Shabbat in the dark. They either use 24-hour time clocks to control their lighting or leave the lights on all day. But they keep looking for better solutions. Along comes Menashe Kalati with an invention he's been perfecting for more than three years.

It's called the Kosher Switch, and uses sophisticated technology to overcome the main objection to using electricity on Shabbat, that causing the flow of electric current is close enough to kindling a fire which is specifically prohibited by the Torah.

As Tova Dvorin reported in Israel International News,

The switch uses a series of light pulses fired at random to stop - or start - the electric current to flip the switch, which is fired at a randomized series of intervals and at a randomized rate of success when a piece of plastic (the toggle) is moved.

A green indicator light demonstrates when the system is inactive, allowing for the observant Jew to flick on the switch on Shabbat, as it is simply moving a piece of plastic; the randomization process allows for the system to work based on a number of halakhic (Jewish law - ed.) principles preventing indirect toggling of electric switches that leads to a definitive outcome.

The switch has a separate toggle to be used during the week as well as a normal light switch.

Kalati has taken his idea to the IndieGoGo crowdfunding community to raise the $50,000 needed to start mass production of the device. As we post this item, he has reached 92% of his goal.

Even though the product has the endorsement of some prominent Orthodox rabbis, there are still voices of objection being raised, mainly questioning whether this innovation is against the spirit of Shabbat and whether it will cause people to assume that all light switches are permitted on Shabbat.

Some lively discussions on the pros and cons of this product are taking place on Internet sites and only time will tell whether the proponents of technological innovation prevail or whether those who resist all new approaches keep this product from becoming popular in their communities.

Shabbat shalom from Jerusalem.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

How Many Rabbis Does it Take to Start a Bonfire on Lag B'Omer?

The answer? Lots and lots of rabbis and their chasidim, and lots of lighters and bottles of oil. 

That's what happened last night in Meron, the town in northern Israel where hundreds of thousands gather each year on Lag B'Omer, the 33rd day of the countdown of 49 days from Pesach to Shavuot.

It's traditional to light bonfires at the start of this holiday that, in Israel, means one or two days off from school and a welcome break from the joy-restricted days of counting the omer starting on Passover.

Why bonfires? These commemorate the immense light that Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai introduced into the world via his mystical teachings. This was especially true on the day of his passing, Lag B'Omer, when he revealed to his disciples secrets of the Torah whose profundity and intensity the world had yet to experience.

The Zohar relates that the house was filled with fire and intense light, to the point that the assembled could not approach or even look at Rabbi Shimon. The biggest bonfires and celebrations take place in and around Rabbi Shimon’s tomb, located in Meron. Hundreds of thousands attend the festivities every year, and the round-the-clock celebration, singing and dancing are unparalleled.

Last night, lighting the bonfire proved exceptionally difficult, as shown in the video that was streamed live by the Arutz Sheva TV station. First, the torch wouldn't light when the lighters were applied. When finally a weak flame was produced, the shtreimel-wearing rabbi tried to use it to light the main bonfire. But at first nothing happened. It took successive attempts with the lighter, application of rags and finally, numerous bottles of oil to bring the fire to a respectable level.

The video below was recorded from the live stream and runs almost three hours. We recommend fast forwarding to the 1 hour and 33 minutes starting point of the lighting ceremony, which lasts about ten minutes.

Enjoy your Lag B'Omer, whatever you do. We'll be visiting a botanical garden and starting our barbecue season, but we're not planning to enlist any Chassidic helpers, with or without lighters and bottles of oil.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Modest or Too Sexy? Los Angeles Jewish Community Debates Merits of Beautiful Wigs

There are a number of reasons women wear wigs: medical reasons, celebrities want sexy hair, and some Jewish Orthodox women want to remain modest. But what happens when the wigs they choose to wear are just too long, too wild, and too sexy? 

Israeli Rabbi Mordechai Shmuel Ashkenazi of Kfar Chabad entered the debate in February by saying that long-haired wigs are not proper head coverings because they look too much like a woman's real hair, or better.

Rabbi Ashkenazi wrote that “Rabonim, and chiefly the Rebbe, preferred that women cover their hair with a wig and not with a tichel (head scarf) since the wig will cover the entire head along with the hair on the sides.” He added that it's obvious that this should be noticed as a ‘foreign’ covering and not like natural hair.

In his letter, which drew many comments, pro and con, he said that “long and wild wigs, even more so when they are made of real hair whose purpose is to look like real and natural hair, cannot be considered as a proper hair coverings by a wig.” He asked the administration of his seminary to only allow wigs that fall till the shoulders and not any longer.

Those are exactly the kind of wigs worn by Chava Tombosky in Los Angeles, who began wearing a wig after getting married, as is custom. She's a mother of three and a popular Jewish musician.

Most long wigs constructed with real hair cost more than a thousand dollars and many are designed to turn heads.

JN1, the global Jewish-interest news channel, joined the debate by showing examples of the wigs and interviewing Tombosky and Geula Newman, a Jewish head covering expert. 

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 

Rabbi Itche Kadoozy Learns How to Make a Perfect Yom Kippur Speech

As we head to our synagogues, shuls, and temples tomorrow night and Shabbat for Yom Kippur services, we will be a willing audience for sermons delivered by our rabbis, who have been preparing for weeks to deliver a meaningful spiritual message to their congregations.

In most synagogues, Yom Kippur brings out the largest audience of the year, and the rabbis do all they can to deliver their most powerful message.
 
The Itche Kadoozy Show, started in 2003 as a muppet-like series about Jewish holidays, has gone through a few revisions and relocations and has emerged as a series on a funny new Jewish web site called shmideo.com.

In this episode, the muppet characters, including one who is a talking slice of gefilte fish complete with carrot on top, teach Rabbi Itche Kadoozy the five rules for the perfect Yom Kippur speech. It's cute, funny, and most important, meaningful.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)



(A tip of the kippah to Jack Kustanowitz for bringing this video to our attention.)

Hakadosh BBQ, Texas-Style Pop-up Restaurant, Has to Change Name to Satisfy Rabbis

When Ari White opened Hakadosh BBQ, his kosher pop-up barbecue restaurant, using a wood burning smokehouse trailer that produces Texas style brisket and smoked turkey legs, he thought it was a clever name. 

It caught the fancy of his customers who delighted in the experience of eating high quality barbecue and smiling at the play on words.

But he didn't expect the name to catch the ire of some rabbis who didn't appreciate the humor.

As Dani Klein wrote in The Jewish Week,

By playing on Hakadosh Baruch Hu, “The Holy One, Blessed Be He,” White has invoked the wrath of some rabbis, who feel his barbecue equipment trivializes God’s name.

After a recent Philadelphia-area fundraiser for the Kohelet Yeshiva High School featured White’s barbecue, some rabbis in attendance complained to the kosher certifying agency of White’s businesses, the Baltimore-based Star K. The actual names of White’s concerns — Gemstone Catering, which does events, and Got Cholent, which provides catering on Shabbat — were not the problem.

Star K rabbis conferred and decided earlier this month that the smoker’s name should be changed, White said.

This week White announced the new name of the venture, Wandering Que, another play on words combining Wandering (as in Wandering  Jew) and Que (as in Barbeque). Maybe this time the rabbis will not feel offended, or maybe they just won't get it. 

So be on the lookout for White's smoking contraption as it visits locations in the Catskills and on the streets of New York. You never know where it will pop up, so there's a web site and a Facebook page for BBQ lovers to keep track of this latest addition to the kosher food scene.

Aaron Herman of The Jewish Week got a taste of White's specialties and interviewed him at a New York street food fair. Here's the video.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Florida Rabbi Celebrates His Bar Mitzvah 47 Years Late

Rabbi Leonid Feldman celebrated his Bar Mitzvah last month in Temple Beth El in West Palm Beach, Florida, the synagogue where he is the spiritual leader. But next week he's turning 60. Why a Bar Mitzvah celebration now?

As Betty Nelander wrote in the Palm Beach Daily News:

As a 13-year-old growing up in the Soviet Republic of Moldavia, Feldman was denied this opportunity since Jews there could not practice or study Judaism or Jewish culture. He never heard of a bar mitzvah, a synagogue or the Holocaust when he was 13 and living under Communism.

“I say to people: ‘It is unusual. Usually you get bar-mitzvahed and then you become a rabbi. I am going backwards,’ ” said Feldman, who has performed hundreds of bar mitzvahs. “To be honest, there is no law that you have to be bar mitzvahed. Think about it: There are 3 million Russian Jews have never heard about bar mitzvah but they are Jews. A million and a half of them live in Israel and they still don’t know anything about it.

“American Jews take it for granted,” said Feldman.

Leaving behind religious suppression in Russia, Feldman went to Israel for three years. He then traveled to Italy for a year, and arrived in America in 1980. He moved to South Florida in 1988, a year after becoming a U.S. citizen. He was the spiritual leader Temple Emanu-El of Palm Beach for 12 years. He then was the rabbi of Temple Emanu-El in Miami Beach until 2004.

For the first 6 minutes and 20 seconds, he speaks as the thirteen-year-old he was in Kishinev and how he hates his name and hates being a Jew. Then he abruptly shifts to the present and delivers a moving Bar Mitzvah speech about how he loves Judaism and believes that Judaism is the most beautiful thing ever created. 

Enjoy the video. Shabbat shalom.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)



(A tip of the kippah and a copyof our e-book, Jewish Humor on Your Desktop, Volume 3: Humor in Jewish Life, to Jonathan Minsberg for bringing this video to our attention.)

Standup Comedy From Baltimore's Rabbi Mitchell Wohlberg

With the Passover Seder(s) behind us, we think we've all had enough of Pesach music videos, satire, and silliness. So while we're still enjoying more days of chametz-free cusine, we're moving ahead with our usual mix of jokes, humor, music, and funny happenings.

A few years ago, Rabbi Mitchell Wohlberg of Baltimore's Congregation Beth Tfiloh won second place in the competition for Funniest Celebrity in Baltimore. We found a video of his performance and thought you'd like to see it. 

It's not often that a prominent rabbi, in this case the spiritual leader of the largest Modern Orthodox congregation in the USA, delivers an eight minute long standup comedy set. Beth Tfiloh is also home to the day school whose "Don't Sit on the Afikomen" song we posted yesterday.

We can't promise that the jokes are new, because they never are. But it's fun to hear these old Jewish jokes retold with the zest and poise that only an accomplished speaker can deliver.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

The Funniest Rabbis in Cleveland: Chabad's Rabbi Shmuel Friedman

We don't know what it is about Cleveland that produces funny rabbis, but rabbis of all denominations and genders are having a good time there delivering more than weekly sermons. Today we continue our series with a funny standup comedy routine by Rabbi Shmuel "Shmuli" Friedman of Chabad of Cleveland in Beachwood.

Rabbi Friedman starts out by reading his welcome in the style of a nervous Bar Mitzvah boy. After saying he can't tell any irreverent jokes, he launches a few of them.

Then he explains how rabbis and congregants don't find the same things funny. Rabbi Friedman ends his set by telling about the rabbi who was so poor that the only thing he had to tell time was a bell in his living room. How could he tell time with just a bell? Well.........

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

The Funniest Rabbis in Cleveland: Rabbi Dan Roberts Reads Synagogue Bulletin Bloopers

Continuing with our series on the Funniest Rabbis, today's standup comedy routine is by Rabbi Dan Roberts, Rabbi Emeritus of Temple Emanu El in the Cleveland suburbs.

Stepping up to the stage, Rabbi Roberts doesn't lose any time and starts his eight and a half minute monologue with a story of the time he was called to perform a wedding in the middle of a flight to Orlando. That serves as the introduction to a series of jokes about weddings and the reading of a collection of synagogue bulletin bloopers.

Examples: 

Rabbi Roberts spoke briefly last Shabbat, much to the delight of his audience.

The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind, and may be seen in the basement on Tuesday.

Join us for Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow.

Please join us for our next sermon: "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our cantor and the choir practice."

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

The Funniest Rabbis: A New Series: Cleveland's Dr. Kiva Shtull

Last week, five Cleveland Rabbis walked into a museum to compete for the title of Cleveland's Funniest Rabbi. The event took place at the Maltz Museum of Jewish Heritage. This was the second year that the contest was held. We're reviewing the performances and will share the best ones with you in a new standup comedy series that we're running this week on Jewish Humor Central.

Let's start with the winning performance at this year's contest, by Rabbi and Mohel Dr. Kiva Shtull. Dr. Shtull is the spiritual leader of Congregation Shir Shalom in Bainbridge Township.

Strutting across the stage looking like Groucho Marx with his mustache and cigar, Dr. Shtull unleashes a series of jokes about religious differences among clergy, including one about Father Flanagan who asked him if he remembers the pain of his circumcision. Rabbi Shtull's deadpan reply? "I don't remember any pain, but I couldn't walk for a year!"

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)