Amazon's Sukkot Gift Boxes Spell Out "Happy Tuchus"

What happens when you design a product featuring the phrase "Happy Sukkot" in Hebrew letters, but don't know that cutting and pasting the words from an internet source can result in their appearing backwards and totally changing their meaning? That's what happened this month when it was discovered that the Sukkot gift boxes sold on Amazon were printed with the Hebrew words "Happy Tuchus".

As Larry Yudelson reported in The Jewish Standard, the boxes were discovered by Jessica Russak-Hoffman while searching for Sukkot gift wrappings on Amazon.com.

But what led Russak-Hoffman to press the buy button was the extremely incompetent product design by someone who didn’t realize that when you cut-and-paste Hebrew from the web to an app, there’s always a chance the Hebrew letters will forget they’re supposed to flow from right to left.

Which is how a design which wishes “happy sukkot” in English can present Hebrew characters that approximately spell out tuchus — the Hebrew-derived Yiddish word for bottom or buttocks — which — who knew! — is what you get when you write “sukkot” backwards.

(Tuchus, Merriam Webster informs us, was first cited in English way back in 1886; derived from the Hebrew tachat, “under, below,” it is too slangy, even in Yiddish, to appear in the three Yiddish dictionaries we have at hand.)

But if you want to wish your friends a Sukkot-themed bottoms-up this year, you may be out of luck. The particular product that Russak-Hoffman bought is now unavailable; her tweet went viral, with 70,000 views, not only due to the backsided nature of the Hebrew text, but also the hilarious marketing photos, which included the Sukkot/Tuchus boxes on the table for both Pesach and Chanukkah observances.

Compounding the error, Amazon's photo of the Sukkot boxes shows the breaking of a matzah, which of course is a feature of the Passover seder and has nothing to do with Sukkot or tuchuses.

We'll be celebrating Sukkot and Shabbat for the next three days, and we'll be back with our usual mix of humor and music on Sunday.

Chag sameach and Shabbat Shalom!

 

 

The Ten Commandments Revisited (by Mel Brooks) as We Celebrate Shavuot

The holiday of Shavuot starts tonight and continues tomorrow and Shabbat. In Israel it's only observed for one day. On Shavuot we commemorate the receiving of the Ten Commandments.

One of Mel Brooks' funniest bits is a scene from his 1981 film A History of the World: Part 1, in which Brooks, in the role of Moses, comes down from Mount Sinai carrying three tablets containing 15 commandments, only to drop one of the tablets, losing the last five commandments as the tablet shatters into bits.

The scene is short, and the third tablet containing the five lost commandments is visible for only a few seconds. We always assumed that the writing on the tablet was some random Hebrew letters, because we never got a good look at them.

But when we watched a PBS tribute to Brooks on which they played this clip, we were able to see it on a 55 inch screen in high definition. All we had to do to read the words on the tablets was to push the pause button. And there they were -- the long lost shattered five commandments.

Here's a translation of the five: You can interpret them any way you want -- that's what we've been doing to the surviving Ten Commandments for thousands of years. But our favorites are Lo Tatzkhik or Lo Titzkhak - obviously an inside joke by the Brooks crew, Lo Tikneh - perhaps the basis for not buying retail, and Lo Teshaber - irony of ironies - as the tablet fell to the ground and broke into tiny pieces.

11. Lo Ta'avor - You shall not pass.
12. Lo Tatzkhik - You shall not make people laugh or Lo Titzkhak - You shall not laugh.
13. Lo Tikneh - You shall not buy.
14. Lo Talunu - You shall not stay. (But the third letter may be a resh, which makes translation difficult.)
15. Lo Teshaber - You shall not break. 

We had posted this originally in 2013 and invited our readers to give their interpretations. You can read them here.

Here's the full clip. Enjoy!

We'll be observing Shavuot tomorrow and Shabbat. We'll be back Sunday with our usual mix. Chag Sameach and Shabbat shalom!

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Here Come the Passover Videos: The Y-Studs Sing "Don't Stop We're Leavin'"

With six days left in our countdown to the Pesach seder (one in Israel, two in the diaspora), we're posting another new Passover video just released by the Y-Studs.

Originally from Yeshiva University, the Y-Studs a Cappella group started as a club in 2010 and have since grown beyond the collegiate level to the professional stage. You may have seen some of their music videos, like the viral hit Evolution of Jewish Music and their cover Hashem Melech that have contributed to over 10 million views across social media channels - as well as over 36,000 YouTube subscribers.

Here's the latest Passover video by the Y-Studs, Don't Stop We're Leavin, a parody of Don't Stop Believin by Journey.

Enjoy!

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Here Come the Passover Videos: A Dysfunctional Family Dayenu Parody by the Menschions

It's never too early to start posting funny Passover videos. With the first seder only ten days away, we're getting a jump start with an early entry from the Menschions, an online company that sells uniquely hilarious and heartfelt Jewish greeting cards and gifts for the holidays.

For this Pesach they posted an original Dysfunctional Family variation on Dayenu, one of the central songs from the Haggadah for seder night. 

Enjoy!

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Just Published in Time for Purim: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody

The festival of Purim is only four days away. We read the Megillah next Monday night and Tuesday morning.

Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. 

This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks.

Here are a few examples:

TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES

NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"

"JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP

RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4

JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR

RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES 

TRUMP TEMPLE TENPLEX TO UNITE ALL NEW YORK SYNAGOGUE DENOMINATIONS IN HUGE MEGA-MALL

It's a great gift for yourself and for the hosts of your Purim seudah. And it's selling for only $5.99 with free shipping if you're an Amazon Prime member.

Happy Purim to all of our readers!

Here Come the Purim Parody Videos: JTS Performers in a Cover of "Be Our Guest" from "Beauty and the Beast"

Purim is almost here. Next Monday evening we read Megillat Esther. We'll be watching for a new crop of Purim parody videos and share the best ones with you over the next few days.

In the meantime we're posting some of the best ones from last year that didn't reach us in time to share with you.

Here's one of a series of Purim parodies by performers from List College and the JTS Rabbinical and Cantorial schools. It's a parody of Be Our Guest from Beauty and the Beast. This video premiered at the 2022 JTS Purim Spiel on March 16th, 2022. 

Enjoy!

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A Chanukah Special: King Charles Dances With Anne Frank's Step-sister at London Pre-Chanukah Party

Last Friday King Charles III visited the JW3 Community Center in North London to learn about its work as the Jewish community prepared to start celebrating Chanukah this weekend. During the pre-Chanukah reception for Holocaust survivors, the King danced with Anne Frank's step-sister to L'Chaim and Oseh Shalom Bimromav.

As India McTaggart wrote in The Telegraph,

The King was greeted by Roxane Zand, the Deputy Lieutenant for Camden, and was shown various activities in the centre by Raymond Simonson, its chief executive.

He heard from young people taking part in the programmes offered by JW3, including telling asylum seekers baking for food bank deliveries: “It’s so wonderful all the things you get up to.”

One of the Holocaust survivors, 95-year-old Helen Aronson, said: “Today I had two kisses on both cheeks! I told him I’m not washing my face.

“It’s extra special for a King to take time and come to the Jewish community and speak to everyone and shake hands with everyone, it’s amazing really. I won’t forget this until the day I die, an experience like that, to be kissed by the King.”

NOTE: We know that today is Monday and we usually post a joke to start the week each Monday. But this week we are celebrating the eight days of Chanukah and so we are posting only holiday-related items. But we'll be back next Monday with another joke.

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Mix a "Passover in a Glass" Cocktail with Maggid Jhos Singer

After two days of Passover feasting we bet you've enjoyed a delicious variety of Pesach meals and culinary delights, but have you tasted a cocktail made from matza, Manischewitz wine, and karpas?

Maggid Jhos Singer of San Francisco's Jewish Community Center is a mixologist who created a special kosher cocktail that combines key elements of the seder.

Maggid Jhos Singer received ordination/semicha from Rabbi Gershon Winkler in 2002, and has served the Coastside Jewish Community in Half Moon Bay, California, as their rabbi/maggid since 2000. Jhos holds a degree in music from UCLA and when he isn’t preaching to the flock he is playing and singing with them.

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Rabbis Extend Talmud Americani to Include New Tractates Related to Coronavirus (A Purim Spoof)

This year Purim starts with the reading of Megillat Esther Thursday night. It is read again Friday morning, February 26. We wish a Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers. We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2021 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle. Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah.

Countdown to Purim: With 2 Days to Go, It's a Mamma Mia Purim Shpiel!

With the reading of Megillat Esther only two days away, we only have time to share one Purim Shpiel. We're sharing  the production just posted by Congregation Tifereth Israel of Glen Cove, New York. 

On Friday we posted their Blowin' in the Wind version of Adon Olam featuring their chazzan and rabbi. Now we find that their congregants are also talented actors and singers, if a bit off-key.

They managed to pull off a rather accurate version of the story of Purim, although they seem to have a distaste for capital punishment. What makes the play unique is the lyrics, which are the rewritten words of the songs of ABBA as sung in the play and movie Mamma Mia.

Enjoy!

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Creative (and Funny) Coronavirus Protection for the High Holidays

Attending High Holiday Services has been a real challenge in this year of coronavirus. We've all gotten used to wearing masks, social distancing, sanitizing with spray disinfectant, and wiping down surfaces.

But applying these new safety measures can result in some funny situations. Whether it's praying, eating, or blowing shofar, here are many ways in which our new reality has created hilarious scenarios of their usage.

Enjoy!

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Yom Kippur Coronavirus Special: Comedian Joel Chasnoff Updates Confession to Include Pandemic Misdeeds

Every Yom Kippur, Jews collectively acknowledge our “sins” during the Vidui Confession. Below is Joel's updated version of the Confession, based on all the misdeeds we committed during the pandemic. It's in alphabetical order, like the real thing! 

The Corona Confession:

א  Apcheenu - We sneezed without covering our noses

ב  Barachnu - We left a Zoom meeting early under false pretenses

ג  Googalnu - We Googled Corona statistics for no reason

ד Dacheenu We delayed taking a Covid test to avoid being quarantined

   D’mei Havtalnu We applied for unemployment benefits unnecessarily

ה Heeshta’alnu - We coughed into our hands and wiped it on our friends’ furniture

ו  Ve-Heesh’arnu We left our cell phones at home during quarantine so we couldn’t be tracked

   WiFinu - We claimed the WiFi was down to explain having missed an 8AM staff meeting

ז  Zoomeenu BeShaina - We slept during a Zoom session

ח Cholanu - We faked having a sore throat and dry cough to avoid visiting our mothers-in-law

ט Televeeznu - We watched TV during an online bar mitzvah

 י Yadeinu Tamanu - We touched fomites without rubber gloves

 כ Kafkafeenu - We wore our slippers outside

    Kalavnu - We borrowed our neighbor’s dog and took him for a walk, just to get some fresh air

 ל Leechlachnu - We touched silverware without first washing our hands

 מ Maseichanu - We wore our masks below our chins

 נ Netflixnu - We used the pandemic as an excuse to watch Netflix

 ס Sacheetnu - We squeezed fruit in the grocery store, then put it back on the shelf

 ע Aleenu - We took the elevator when it would have been more hygienic to take the stairs

 פ Purellnu - We finished all the Purell

 צ Chateteenu - We chatted privately in Zoom meetings about others in attendance

    Tza’adnu - We failed to take off our shoes before entering the house

 ק Quarantinu - We self-quarantined to take a break from our families

 ר Routernu - We changed the password to the family WiFi router and didn’t share it

 ש Sheekarnu - We lied about having washed our hands with soap

 ת Tachtoneemnu - We wore underwear to a Zoom meeting

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