Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers.
Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!
Showing posts with label Israel Defense Forces. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Israel Defense Forces. Show all posts
Today we welcome another Shabbat with Shir LaMaalot, as sung by Berry Sakharof and 400 combat soldiers from the Israel Defense Forces. It was recorded earlier this month in Jerusalem at the National Library of Israel.
Berry Sakharof is an Israeli rock guitarist, singer, songwriter and producer who is
popular and critically acclaimed. He is often referred to as "the
prince" or "the prince of Israeli rock".
Enjoy, and Shabbat shalom!
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We have posted many versions of Hatikvah, Israel's national anthem over the years, but this is the first one in English, an exact translation of the Hebrew words.
The English words are shown over video images from the current war in Gaza in honor of the courageous men and women of the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) and Jews everywhere.
Am Yisrael Chai!
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Yehoram Gaon has been an Israeli musical legend for more than half a century. In 1984 Naomi Shemer wrote a song, Lo Tenatzchu Oti, for a new album that he released that year. It has become very popular in Israel.
Now Yehoram Gaon has produced a new video of this song, joining with the choirs of the Israel Defense Forces to make a forceful statement that Israel will not be defeated.
One of the enjoyable aspects of this song is that the attitude is not
one of arrogance, but one of unity. If there is one secret aspect to
Israel’s success thus far in the War in Gaza, it is the unity that is so
pervasive at this moment in history. Because of the enormity of the
horrible tragedy of the massacre on October 7th, Israelis instinctively
banded together to fight back.
The song is in Hebrew with English subtitles. The English words appear below the video.
Am Yisrael Chai!
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You won't defeat me.
From my window I can see
a street like an over flowing river
and people on their way to work.
And young children going to school
with their satchels on their backs.
And in their hands they hold some blossoming myrtle branches.
Suddenly it becomes clear,
And I say to myself:
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
From my window I can see
A plane taking off, a plane flying,
Hiding in the distant clouds.
I hear a machine in the right tune that rolls around outside and in the markets.
Suddenly it becomes clear,
And I say to myself:
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
In my window are spring and autumn.
A rainy day and a scorching day.
Light and darkness, soloist and choir.
It’s all mixed up and confused.
Songs of Lamentations, Songs of Hallel.
And sometimes it’s one giant mess.
Suddenly it becomes clear,
And I say to myself:
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
No, No, No, You won't beat me.
I will not be defeated so fast.
Shabbat is Shabbat, whether you're in the comfort of your home or somewhere in Israel wearing an IDF uniform.
Today we're welcoming Shabbat with two Israeli soldiers somewhere in Israel, wearing their army uniforms and camouflage headgear, holding a guitar and an Uzi.
We join them in singing Shalom Aleichem and offer prayers for their success in their mission and safe return to their homes.
Shabbat shalom!
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This isn't the first time that we've posted a prayer for the brave soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces, but new versions keep appearing on the internet, and this one was posted just two days ago.
It features Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the IDF, singing the prayer originally
written by IDF Chief Rabbi Shlomo Goren to the tune of Eretz Tzvi, a song recorded by famous Israeli singer Yehoram Gaon for the movie Mivtsa
Yonatan. The 1977 film was based on Operation Entebbe, in which
Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s brother, Yoni, was killed.
The lyrics, in Hebrew and English, appear below the video.
May the brave soldiers of the IDF be successful in their mission and return home safely.
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He Who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — may He bless
the fighters of the Israel Defense Forces, who stand guard over our land
and the cities of our God, from the border of the Lebanon to the desert
of Egypt, and from the Great Sea unto the approach of the Aravah, on
the land, in the air, and on the sea.
May the Almighty cause the enemies who rise up against us to be struck
down before them. May the Holy One, Blessed is He, preserve and rescue
our fighters from every trouble and distress and from every plague and
illness, and may He send blessing and success in their every endeavor.
May He lead our enemies under our soldiers’ sway and may He grant them
salvation and crown them with victory. And may there be fulfilled for
them the verse: For it is the Lord your God, Who goes with you to battle
your enemies for you to save you.
In times of sadness and anger, it's comforting and inspirational to see examples of the Jewish community uniting in solidarity.
Such a moment took place this week at the Kotel (Western Wall) in Jerusalem when a two-year-old child from Chabad stood on a chair in the presence of a group of IDF soldiers and led them in reciting the Sh'ma and an excerpt from the Passover Haggadah.
In this video clip you can see the child leading and the soldiers responding to the Sh'ma and to the first sentence from this paragraph in the Haggadah:
In each and every generation, a person is obligated to see himself as if he left Egypt, as it is stated (Exodus 13:8); "For the sake of this, did the Lord do [this] for me in my going out of Egypt." Not only our ancestors did the Holy One, blessed be He, redeem, but rather also us [together] with them did he redeem, as it is stated (Deuteronomy 6:23); "And He took us out from there, in order to bring us in, to give us the land which He swore unto our fathers."
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Well, the holidays are over for this year, and we had planned to start this week with a Monday joke. But today is not a day for jokes, as the Israel Defense Forces prepare to do battle with enemies who are threatening the Jewish state.
As they embark on this dangerous mission, we join with Cantor Netanel Hershtik, the Hampton Synagogue Choir and Maestro Izchak Haimov in the prayer for the IDF.
The prayer is sung to the tune of Eretz Tzvi, a song originally
recorded by famous Israeli singer Yehoram Gaon for the movie Mitvsa
Yonatan, an Israeli film from 1977 based on Operation Entebbe, in which
Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s brother, Yoni, was killed.
May the brave soldiers of the IDF be successful in their mission and return home safely.
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Tonight we light the eighth and last Hanukkah candle. By now we've all had our fill of latkes (potato pancakes) and sufganiyot (filled donuts).
Israeli bakeries compete each year in creating the best and most elaborate sufganiyot. This year the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) sponsored an Ultimate Mystery Donut Challenge, enlisting pairs of soldiers to taste donuts with some very untraditional fillings.
Mayonnaise, anyone? How about ketchup or wasabi? Watch the soldiers' reactions after taking a bite.
Enjoy, laugh, and start the diet tomorrow.
Chag Chanukah sameach!
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Yes, the Israel Defense Forces have a rabbinical choir, and they also have to get ready for Pesach.
So they created this music video that shows them baking matzot, playing music in the field, cleaning for the holiday, and celebrating Pesach with the contents of their field kit. The words that they sing are simple and to the point: A great joy, a great joy, spring has arrived and Pesach is here. Enjoy! A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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Purim is almost here, and IDF soldiers don't want to miss the celebration!
As Jews all over
the world celebrate this holiday by holding feasts, exchanging gifts and
wearing costumes, soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces make sure to keep the holiday tradition in any way they can. A couple of years ago, they made this video of putting the soul in soldier by doing a breakdance in honor of the holiday. Enjoy! A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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Today is Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day, a day which causes us to reflect on the marvel that is Israel and its eternal capital. Israel is only the world's 152nd biggest country, but it's always one of the first to send disaster relief all over the globe. Whether its an earthquake in Haiti, a tsunami in Japan, or a typhoon in the Philippines, the Israel Defense Forces are only one call away to deliver a field medical corps hospital where it is most needed. Israel brings children from all over the world to its hospitals for medical treatment, even from countries that are at war with Israel. Israel also brings its advanced technology to rural African villages. Volunteers build schools, medical clinics, and provides tools for solar power and clean water. The words of the popular song One Call Away by Charlie Puth say it perfectly....Superman's got nothing on me, I'm only one call away. Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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Ron Bronstein, a 24-year-old St. Louis native enlisted in
the IDF at the end of March 2012 and decided to document his transition
from civilian to soldier by dancing his way from start to
finish.
Bronstein moved to Israel from the United States in 2007 and now
serves in the IAF’s Technology and Logistics Directorate’s foreign
relations department.
As Ilan Ben Zion wrote in The Times of Israel,
“The day I was drafted, I stood excited at the
enlistment office and I wanted to document the moment, to preserve the
experience. At every stage, from being drafted to the end of basic
training, I asked my friends to document me dancing, and that’s how they
got to know me, as the guy who every few minutes asked them to film
him,” Bronstein told Yedioth Ahronoth.
In the video posted to YouTube — set to
LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” — Bronstein dances the shuffle through guard
duty, kitchen detail, barracks, and parade grounds in his IDF greens.
He proudly struts his stuff in IAF dress khakis on train platforms, at
his swearing-in ceremony, and in front of military aircraft.
Since being uploaded, the
video has been viewed more than 350,000 times. Bronstein’s fans comment that,
whereas similar videos of dancing soldiers have made their way onto the
Internet, his “was done in good taste,” according to one viewer.
“Filming it took a month, the editing six
weeks, and the approval of the IDF took another six months,” Bronstein
said. “I want people across the world to see that IDF soldiers also have
a personal and funny side.”
The IDF spokesperson did not grant The Times of Israel permission to interview Bronstein.
Enjoy!
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody
Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Jewish Humor Central Staff
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief:
Al Kustanowitz Food and Wine Editor:
Aviva Weinberg Israel Food and Wine Consultant Penina Kustanowitz Reporter and Photographer:
Meyer Berkowitz Reporter Phyllis Flancbaum
Now You Can Book Program and Lecture Dates for 2025 and 2026 in Person and Via ZOOM
Now is the time to book our Jewish humor programs and lectures for your 2025 and 2026 events in person and via ZOOM anywhere in the world. Book any of our 22 popular programs including "The Great Jewish Comedians", “Israel is a Funny Country”, and "Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places." Click above for details and videos. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com
"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!
"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.
Now is the time to book our Jewish Humor Shows and Lectures in person or on ZOOM.
Bring Al's Jewish humor lectures and comedy programs with the funniest videos on the Internet to your community and your synagogue, club, JCC, organization or private event in person or via ZOOM. We're taking reservations now for 2025 and 2026 dates in your community. Click above for details. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com.
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Jewish Humor Central logo merchandise is now available. Click on the image above to see the complete collection -- More than 100 items from tote bags, baseball caps, mugs, aprons, drinkware, T-shirts and sweatshirts, to pajamas and underwear.
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - More than 400 video clips, including music and comedy videos for all the Jewish holidays. View them on Your PC, Mac, Kindle Fire, iPad, iPhone, iTouch, Android Tablet and Smartphone. Click on the image above to peek inside and download a free sample. And now, a paperback edition for anyone who prefers a traditional book and doesn't mind typing the URLs instead of clicking on them.
About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary.
He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook.
He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs.
You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.
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