Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers.
Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!
Shai Abramson was born in Jerusalem, and was exposed early on to the
world of cantorial music. As a young teen, he participated in the choir
of the Great Synagogue in Jerusalem (under the baton of conductor Elli
Jaffe) during the High Holiday season. He gradually acquired more
musical expertise and experience, studying with the best teachers in
Israel, including Maestro Jaffe, Cantor Moshe Stern, Cantor Naftali
Herstik & Dr. Mordechai Sobol.
In 2008, Shai Abramson was appointed Chief Cantor of the Israel Defense
Forces. Abramson serves as the representative cantor of the State of
Israel, and participates in this capacity in formal state occasions and
ceremonies. Abramson also accompanies various government representatives
to ceremonies and events in Israel and abroad. He has performed as
cantor and singer under the auspices of the Knesset, the IDF, the
Ministry of Defense, and various other government ministries and
agencies.
During the past few years, Abramson has presented his cantorial
repertoire in numerous Jewish communities in the U.S., Canada, South
America, Australia and Europe, with the intention of developing and
strengthening ties with Jewish communities around the world, and
intensifying connections with Israel and with the IDF.
This performance by Abramson was recorded at the 30th anniversary dinner of the Sage Nursing Home in London in July 2024.
Yiddishpiel – The Yiddish Theater in Israel – is the only Yiddish theater in Israel!
Yiddishpiel was established in 1987 with the mission of restoring to
Yiddish, the language that had almost disappeared, its charm, its
popularity, and its glory, and to make it the focus of a rich and
significant culture that is an important foundation stone in the history
of the Jewish nation.
Last October, Yiddishpiel presented a show called Dvash Nigar (Flowing Honey) which included the Prayer for the State of Israel (Avinu Shebashamayim). It was sung by Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the Israel Defense Forces, Sasi Keshet, Israeli actor and Yiddishpiel's Artistic Director, and singer/performer Kobi Arieli.
A
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As Israel reacts to the unprecedented Iranian attack on the country today, we join Am Yisrael worldwide in the Prayer for the State of Israel as sung by Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the Israel Defense Forces.
This prayer was recorded on the 55th anniversary of Israel's reunification of Jerusalem.
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Eishet Chayil (A Woman of Valor) is a hymn which is sung Friday night in many homes after singing Shalom Aleichem and before saying the Kiddush.
Traditionally, a husband sings the song to his wife, extolling her virtues, and expressing thanks for all that his wife has
done for him and their family.
With so many reservists away from home and on the battlefield, IDF Chief Cantor Shai Abramson led a group of soldiers performing a musical rendition of Eishet Chayil to their wives.
Shabbat shalom!
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The soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces were children a few short years ago and now these brave boys and girls are defending the state of Israel.
In November 2021 Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the IDF sang a prayer written by the Tzohar rabbinical organization, composed by Sol Zim, with musical arrangement, conducting and production by Ofir Sobol. The video shows the new soldiers boarding buses to their IDF bases.
Here are the lyrics, in English and Hebrew:
Master of All Worlds, the King to whom peace belongs, On this day on which we escort our child to serve the Jewish People and All Who Dwell In Israel through army service, we throw before You our pleas that You will spread Your canopy of peace upon him/ her and upon all soldiers of the IDF.
Grant them the energy, agility, and joy to fulfill the commandment, “the help of Israel from the hands of enemies,” and give them courage, insight, and strength. Protect them from all danger or peril, injury or obstacle, and return them to their homes and families safe and whole, in body and in spirit, and through them may the verse be fulfilled: “It is G-d who girds me with valor, who makes my path perfect”. And may it be manifest through our son/daughter and through all of the IDF: ”G-d will protect you from all evil, He will protect your being; G-d will protect your comings and goings from now through eternity”. Amen.
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This isn't the first time that we've posted a prayer for the brave soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces, but new versions keep appearing on the internet, and this one was posted just two days ago.
It features Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the IDF, singing the prayer originally
written by IDF Chief Rabbi Shlomo Goren to the tune of Eretz Tzvi, a song recorded by famous Israeli singer Yehoram Gaon for the movie Mivtsa
Yonatan. The 1977 film was based on Operation Entebbe, in which
Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s brother, Yoni, was killed.
The lyrics, in Hebrew and English, appear below the video.
May the brave soldiers of the IDF be successful in their mission and return home safely.
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He Who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — may He bless
the fighters of the Israel Defense Forces, who stand guard over our land
and the cities of our God, from the border of the Lebanon to the desert
of Egypt, and from the Great Sea unto the approach of the Aravah, on
the land, in the air, and on the sea.
May the Almighty cause the enemies who rise up against us to be struck
down before them. May the Holy One, Blessed is He, preserve and rescue
our fighters from every trouble and distress and from every plague and
illness, and may He send blessing and success in their every endeavor.
May He lead our enemies under our soldiers’ sway and may He grant them
salvation and crown them with victory. And may there be fulfilled for
them the verse: For it is the Lord your God, Who goes with you to battle
your enemies for you to save you.
There
is no day during the year when we can't find an opportunity to laugh,
chuckle, guffaw, grin, or maybe just crack a smile. Without humor, the
world would be a much grimmer place. Even during the High Holy Days and
on fast days, most of us find a moment to share an anecdote or witty
comment with friends.
Tonight
and tomorrow are no exception, but the overall mood of the elongated
day is much more sorrowful than any other. The reason, of course, is
that tonight we begin the observance of Tisha B'Av, the ninth day of the
Hebrew month of Av, which lasts until Tuesday night.
Tisha B’Av is a fast day that commemorates the destruction of the two Temples. It
also happens to be the day that many other calamities have befallen
the Jewish people, some of which are listed below:
587
BCE (3338)- The First Temple is destroyed by the Babylonians, led by
Nebuchadnezzar. The Jews are sent into what later became known as the
Babylonian Exile.
70 CE (3830)- The Second Temple is destroyed by the Romans, led by Titus.
135 CE (3895) - The Romans defeat
Bar Kochba's last fortress, Betar, and destroy his army. Bar Kochba
himself is killed along with more than 100,000 other Jews. The Roman
Emperor Hadrian turns Jerusalem into a Roman city.
1290 (5050) - King Edward I of England signs an edict expelling all Jews from England.
1492 (5252) - The Alhambra Decree takes effect, expelling the Jews from Spain and from all Spanish territories.
1914 (5674) - World War I begins when Germany declares war on Russia, setting the stage for World War II and the Holocaust.
1940 (5700) - Himmler presents his plan for the "Final Solution" to the Jewish problem to the Nazi Party.
1942 (5702) - Nazis begin deporting Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto.
On Tisha B'Av, Jews gather in darkened synagogues to read Eicha (The Book of Lamentations) and reflect on the tragedies that befell our people through the millennia.
So
we won't post any jokes or hilarity today and tomorrow, but we'll share
a couple of videos that are appropriate for the day.
Today's post is a video taken at the Kotel in Jerusalem in 2020, when Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the Israel Defense Forces sang the prayer Acheinu, accompanied by volunteers for Magen David Adom.
As
for our brothers, the whole house of Israel, who are given over to
trouble or captvity, whether they abide on the sea or on the dry land:
May the All-present have mercy upon them, and bring them forth from
trouble to enlargement, from darkness to light, and from subjection
to redemption, now speedily and at a near time; and let us say, Amen. A
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On Fridays we usually post a musical
welcome to Shabbat with a version of Shalom Aleichem, Lecha
Dodi, or Adon Olam. But this week we're skipping to the end of
Shabbat and continuing the series of Havdalah services
that we
started a few years ago.
There's a rich lode of musical endings to Shabbat, and Havdalah ceremonies
around the world reflect the traditional and local musical tastes of each
location.
This is a unique musical havdalah because the
Chief Cantor of the IDF, Lt. Col. Shai Abramson, the soldiers of the
Military Rabbinate Band and the musical director Ophir Sobol areparticipating independently, each from his home.
Shabbat Shalom and Shavua Tov. Enjoy!
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Yom HaAtzmaut, Israel's Independence Day, is always preceded by Yom HaZikaron,
Israel’s Memorial Day for its fallen soldiers. The message of linking
these two days is clear: Israelis owe their independence — thebb very
existence of the state — to the soldiers who sacrificed their lives for
it.
This year Yom HaZikaron began last night and will be observed today until nightfall when the Yom HaAtzmaut festivities begin and continue through tomorrow night.
To
mark Yom Hazikaron we're sharing a video of IDF Chief Cantor Shai Abramson singing Eretz Tzvi, originally made popular by singer Yehoram Gaon. The song is about Mivtza Yonatan, an operation to rescue hostages from
Entebbe airport in Uganda on July 4, 1976. Air France flight 139 from
Tel Aviv was hijacked after its Athens stopover, diverted to Libya and
ended up in Idi Amin airport.
Originally named Mivtza Entebbe,
the mission was later named in honor of Yonatan Netanyahu (brother of
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu) who died in the
operation.
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Shai Abramson, Chief Cantor of the Israel Defense Forces, performs with the most
prominent cantors and musicians of our generation, and participates in
prayer services and in concerts throughout Israel and the world with a
variety of musical ensembles
He has presented his cantorial repertoire in Jewish
communities and concerts in the U.S. England, Canada, Australia, Italy,
France, Hungary, Poland, Romania, Bulgaria, Belgium, and more… with the
intention of developing and strengthening ties with Jewish communities
around the world, and intensifying connections with Israel and with the
IDF In this week before Rosh Hashanah, we're sharing a video in which Abramson sings Hineni He'ani, (I am poor in deed), a liturgical poem from the Rosh Hashanah Musaf service composed by Yossele Rosenblatt, accompanied by the Raanana Symphony Orchestra conducted by Ophir Sobol. The Hebrew text appears below the video.
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Here I am, utterly bereft, shuddering and afraid, in fear of the One who sits in judgement of the prayers of Israel.
I have come to stand before You and plead on behalf of Your people, Israel, who have sent me, as unfit and unworthy as I am.
I
beseech You, God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, Oh God, God of
mercy and grace, God of Israel, Mighty One, exalted and awesome - may
this path on which I tread - to stand and beseech mercy for myself, and
those who send me - come to success.
Don't
let them be punished for my failings, don't hold them guilty for my
sins, for I am due punishment for my failings. Let them not be
embarrassed by my failings. Let them not be ashamed of me and I won't be
ashamed of them. Receive my prayer as a prayer of one wise and decent,
of kind ways, great experience, of sweet voice and bound up in the ways
of creation. Hold back The Distractor, so he shouldn't distract me. Pour
out love towards us. Wipe away our sins in love. And overturn all our
woe and pain, the woe and pain of all Israel, into joy and delight, life
and peace. Love truth and peace.
Place
no stumbling block before my prayer. May it be Your will, God, God of
Abraham, God of Isaac and God of Jacob, the great mighty and awesome
God, God on high, the One who Is and Will Always Be, may each of the
Angels who receive prayer bring my prayers before the seat of Your
glory and spread them before You for the sake of all the just, kind,
pure and decent, and for the sake of the glory of Your great and awesome
name, for You are the One who hears the prayers of Your people Israel
in mercy. Blessed are you the One who hears prayer.
There is no day
during the year when we can't find an opportunity to laugh, chuckle, guffaw,
grin, or maybe just crack a smile. Without humor, the world would be a
much grimmer place.
Even during the High Holy Days and on fast days, most
of us find a moment to share an anecdote or witty comment with
friends.
Today is no
exception, but the overall mood is much more sorrowful than any other.
The reason, of course, is that today is Tisha B'Av, the ninth day of the
Hebrew month of Av.
Tisha B’Av is a fast day that commemorates the
destruction of the two Temples. It also happens to be the day that many other
calamities have befallen the Jewish people, some of which are listed below.
587 BCE (3338)- The First Temple
is destroyed by the Babylonians, led by Nebuchadnezzar. The Jews are sent
into what later became known as the Babylonian Exile.
70 CE (3830)- The Second Temple is
destroyed by the Romans, led by Titus.
135 CE (3895) - The Romans defeat
Bar Kochba's last fortress, Betar, and destroy his army. Bar Kochba
himself is killed along with more than 100,000 other Jews. The Roman
Emperor Hadrian turns Jerusalem into a Roman city.
1290 (5050) - King Edward I of
England signs an edict expelling all Jews from England.
1492 (5252) - The Alhambra Decree
takes effect, expelling the Jews from Spain and from all Spanish
territories.
1914 (5674) - World War I begins
when Germany declares war on Russia, setting the stage for World War II
and the Holocaust.
1940 (5700) - Himmler presents his
plan for the "Final Solution" to the Jewish problem to the Nazi
Party.
1942 (5702) - Nazis begin
deporting Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto.
On Tisha B'Av,
Jews gather in darkened synagogues to read Eicha (The Book of
Lamentations) and reflect on the tragedies that befell our people through the
millennia.
So we won't post any
jokes or hilarity today, but instead we're sharing a performance by IDF Chief
Cantor Shai Abramson and the IDF Rabbinical Choir of Im Eshkachech
Yerushalayim (If I Forget Thee O Jerusalem), the words coming from Psalm
137.
If I forget you, O Yerushalayim,
let my right hand wither;
im
esh-ka-KHAYKH y’-ru-sha-LA-im tish-KAKH y’-mee-NEE
Psalm 137 was written
by the rivers of Babylon, where the exiled Jews wailed and lamented the
destruction of the Beit Hamikdash. They wondered how they
would continue to endure on foreign soil. How could they sing the songs
of Hashem, which were supposed to be sung in the Temple, there?
Their answer was an oath to never forget Yerushalayim.
Today, this psalm is recited at Jewish weddings just before the
groom breaks a glass, ensuring that Jerusalem is always at the forefront of our
minds and reminding us that no joyous occasion is complete until Yerushalayim is
restored to its former glory.
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody
Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Jewish Humor Central Staff
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief:
Al Kustanowitz Food and Wine Editor:
Aviva Weinberg Israel Food and Wine Consultant Penina Kustanowitz Reporter and Photographer:
Meyer Berkowitz Reporter Phyllis Flancbaum
Now You Can Book Program and Lecture Dates for 2025 and 2026 in Person and Via ZOOM
Now is the time to book our Jewish humor programs and lectures for your 2025 and 2026 events in person and via ZOOM anywhere in the world. Book any of our 22 popular programs including "The Great Jewish Comedians", “Israel is a Funny Country”, and "Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places." Click above for details and videos. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com
"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!
"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.
Now is the time to book our Jewish Humor Shows and Lectures in person or on ZOOM.
Bring Al's Jewish humor lectures and comedy programs with the funniest videos on the Internet to your community and your synagogue, club, JCC, organization or private event in person or via ZOOM. We're taking reservations now for 2025 and 2026 dates in your community. Click above for details. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com.
Now Open: The Jewish Humor Central Gift Shop
Jewish Humor Central logo merchandise is now available. Click on the image above to see the complete collection -- More than 100 items from tote bags, baseball caps, mugs, aprons, drinkware, T-shirts and sweatshirts, to pajamas and underwear.
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - More than 400 video clips, including music and comedy videos for all the Jewish holidays. View them on Your PC, Mac, Kindle Fire, iPad, iPhone, iTouch, Android Tablet and Smartphone. Click on the image above to peek inside and download a free sample. And now, a paperback edition for anyone who prefers a traditional book and doesn't mind typing the URLs instead of clicking on them.
About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary.
He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook.
He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs.
You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.
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