Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers.
Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!
Showing posts with label Jersey Jews Telling Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jersey Jews Telling Jokes. Show all posts
It's Monday again, the day after Tisha B'Av, so no more mourning or fasting until Yom Kippur. It's clear sailing now for jokes and humor.
Today's joke teller is Meyer Berkowitz, a long-time member of the Jewish Humor Central family.
Besides serving as our photographer at Kosherfest and capturing video of our lectures and comedy programs, Meyer braved the cold and wind on a November day in 2014 to give us an on-the-scene report about the outdoor Shacharit minyan at the New York City Marathon. Here's the setup for today's joke: This Jewish couple is visiting friends for the weekend. So the man decides, since it's Saturday, that he should go to the synagogue. And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's the Monday after Thanksgiving, and we're giving thanks for the joke tellers whom we've encountered this year and who have volunteered to share their favorite jokes as our Joke to Start the Week. One of our recent joke tellers is retired CPA Mel Bleemer. Mel is back today with a punny joke. Here's the setup: In days of old, in Merry old England, knights used to ride around the countryside doing good deeds. They would ride on their trusty steeds. And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's the first Monday in November, and we're starting it off with a short Joke to Start the Week. After a few weeks of guest jokers, we're taking this one ourselves. Don't worry, our recent guest jokers will be back with more gems in the coming weeks. Today's joke shows that you never can tell how kids will absorb their lessons in school.
Here's the setup: At Hebrew School the children were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Little Moshe appeared to be especially intent. And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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Another Monday, another Joke to Start the Week. Today we're bringing back Bob Hertzendorf, the certified hypnosis counselor from New Jersey, to deliver today's gem. Here's the setup: Bob's old aunt Rose was reaching her 90th birthday, and she'd never really been anywhere. So he said he's going to take her someplace nice, and then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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We
can't believe that we're into August. Where did July go? But it's the
first Monday in August, and like every other Monday, it's time for a
joke to start the week. We're
just back from a week of Jewish humor lectures at an adult vacation
center in the Berkshires, and already setting up our comedy tour of
South Florida in February. If your club or synagogue is looking for a
hilarious hour or more of the funniest Jewish videos on the Internet,
Florida is the place, and February is the month, so please don't
hesitate to contact us at akustan@gmail.com for details. Today's
joke shows that we're thinking of Florida already. Here's the setup:
Abe and Becky go on vacation in Florida. They're down in Miami Beach in a
beautiful hotel. And who does Abe meet in the shvitz?... Enjoy!
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It's Monday again, and we're bringing back Jerry Ostrov, Founder of the ReThink Israel Initiative, to help us start the week off with another joke.
The ReThink Israel Initiative,which operates the Facebook site From the Grapevine, was created to provide a fresh perspective on Israel.
From the land’s natural beauty to Tel Aviv's vibrant technology
scene; from the global culinary world's focus on Israeli food and
recipes to the innovative Israelis who are changing the world –
FromTheGrapevine covers the bounty of what Israel is about today.
Here's the setup for today's joke: The old Jewish couple is standing in the Pale, and Chaim says to Sadie: "Listen, Sadie, every year they beat us up. They want us to convert. Our children are gone, our grandchildren are gone. Why don't we just convert? And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's
Monday again, so it's time to start the week with a new old joke. Once
again our joke teller is Jerry Ostrov, founder of The reThink Israel
Initiative, which operates the Facebook site From the Grapevine. This site was created to provide a fresh perspective on Israel. From the land’s natural beauty to Tel Aviv's vibrant technology
scene; from the global culinary world's focus on Israeli food and
recipes to the innovative Israelis who are changing the world –
FromTheGrapevine covers the bounty of what Israel is about today. Here's
the setup for today's joke: Adam and Eve are sitting in the Garden of Eden....a beautiful garden, stream, trees. And Adam cuddles up to Eve and then...
Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's Monday again, so it's time to start the week with a new old joke. Once again our joke teller is Jerry Ostrov, founder of The reThink Israel Initiative, which operates the Facebook site From the Grapevine. This site was created to provide a fresh perspective on Israel. From the land’s natural beauty to Tel Aviv's vibrant technology
scene; from the global culinary world's focus on Israeli food and
recipes to the innovative Israelis who are changing the world –
FromTheGrapevine covers the bounty of what Israel is about today.
Here's the setup for today's joke: David gets a parrot for his Bar Mitzvah. This parrot is disgusting, it's vile, it's obnoxious, it won't do anything that he says. And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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As you may have noticed last Monday, we're expanding the list of weekly joke tellers to include friends who have been good enough to volunteer their services to the cause of increasing laughter in the world. Today's joke teller is retiree Norm Goldsmith. Here's the setup: At the clubhouse they've got somebody who's telling fortunes. The fortune teller is reading palms and interpreting the length of lines on hands. And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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June is a great month for outdoor sports, and golf is a top choice for pros and amateurs alike. Unfortunately, not everyone has the skills to succeed at the game.
Today's joke to start the week is about such an individual and the lengths he goes to in order to play well. Today's joke teller is Jerry Ostrov, founder of The ReThink Israel Initiative, which operates the Facebook site From the Grapevine. This site was created to provide a fresh perspective on Israel. From the land’s natural beauty to Tel Aviv's vibrant technology
scene; from the global culinary world's focus on Israeli food and
recipes to the innovative Israelis who are changing the world –
FromTheGrapevine covers the bounty of what Israel is about today.
Here's the setup for today's joke: This non-Jew gets on the golf course. He is a crazy golfer. He loves golf more than anything in the world. So he looks out on the course and he sees there is a bunch of Hasidim on the course. And then... Enjoy!
(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's the first Monday of June, and it's time for another joke to start the week. This oldie but goodie starts like this: Little Jason comes home on the school bus, the plays where all kids learn the words that they don't hear at home.
He goes right into the house, and then...
Enjoy!
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Today's joke to start the week is connected to yesterday's post about connections between Judaism and Buddhism.
It's a very old joke that can stand on its own but makes a lot more sense when you're aware of the Jewish Buddhists and Buddhist Jews who flourished, especially in the fields of arts and entertainment, in the 1960s and 1970s. Here's the setup: Mrs. Bernstein, an elderly Jewish lady from New York, bounces into her travel agent's office and announces: "I vant to go to India." And then... Enjoy!
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It's beginning to feel a lot like summer here in New Jersey. But summer or winter, rain, snow or shine, when it's Monday, it's time for another Joke to Start the Week. Still thinking of our February in Florida, we're telling a joke today that's set in South Florida. Here's the setup: Morris retires and goes on a vacation to South Florida. He finds himself a nice little hotel just outside of Miami. And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's a beautiful Monday in New Jersey and we hope the weather is just as beautiful where you are. And wherever you are it's time for a joke to start the week. Since we ran out of family-friendly joke videos on the Internet, we've been making our own with better equipment each time and we thank you for bearing with us while we improve the video and sound quality. In the coming weeks we plan to recruit a new team of joke tellers and keep our Monday specials going. Here's the setup for today's joke: This guy gets a new dog and he trains him. And he's so proud of the dog that he calls his best friend over, and then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. We're starting our week by heading to the airport and flying back to the US after a month in Israel. During the month, we've been posting more Israel-related videos than usual because this March-April period (Nisan-Iyar) has been filled with lots to report on with four major holidays all taking place in a three-week span (Passover, Yom HaShoah, Yom HaZikaron, and Yom HaAtzmaut). Then there was our interview on Voice of Israel radio and a few Jokes to Start the Week with a special Israel focus. Tomorrow we'll be back posting funny and happy videos from North Jersey, including videos from Israel and around the world. Here's the setup for today's joke: Izzy is visiting Israel for the first time. As soon as his plane lands, he finds himself a taxi and starts a lively conversation with the taxi driver. And then... Enjoy! (A
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A happy Monday to all of our readers. We're happily enjoying the festive atmosphere in Jerusalem as the country prepares for its Independence Day, Yom HaAtzmaut. The holiday starts Wednesday night and lasts into Thursday, a day for celebrations, concerts, lots of flag waving, and outdoor barbecues. But not even Israel Independence Day can prevent us from coming up with another (old) joke to get the week off to a good start. We're working on improving the video quality as we create these joke clips in our makeshift Jerusalem studio. We hope to upgrade to better equipment soon. Here's the setup for today's joke: A young woman brings her fiance home to meet her parents for the first time. And then... Enjoy! (A
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Now that Passover is over, we've said goodbye to all the Pesach music videos old and new. If we find any good new ones that we missed, we'll save them for posting next year. But it's Monday again, and it's time to share another Joke to Start the Week. While we've been working out of our Jewish Humor Central Jerusalem office, we've been recording our own jokes for this exclusive weekly feature. Our temporary video studio in Israel has been working overtime to find and film some choice oldie but goodie jokes. We have a few more ready to go until we move back to our home base in New Jersey, and you'll be seeing them in the weeks ahead. Here's the setup for today's joke: One Shabbat morning Rabbi Goldfarb notices 7-year-old Jonathan staring up at the large plaque hanging in the shul foyer. It's covered with names, and small American flags around it on either side of it. And then... Enjoy! (A
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We're counting down the days to Pesach, and lining up some good videos to post through the holiday. But it's Monday morning, and we're taking a break from Passover videos to post a joke to start the week. Passover marks the beginning of a new year (yes, Tishrei and Rosh Hashanah also mark the start of a new year, but we're not going into that now). Our way of getting this new year off to a good start is to introduce some new sources of Jewish jokes. Until now, most of our Monday morning jokes have come from Old Jews Telling Jokes, and we're grateful to Sam Hoffman for pioneering this genre, but now we're branching out into our own series of Jersey Jews Telling Jokes, Florida Jews Telling Jokes, Israeli Jews Telling Jokes, and others. Today's joke teller is Al Kustanowitz, entertainer, author, lecturer, and Jewish Humor Central's Blogger-in-Chief. Al is blogging from Jerusalem this month, having just returned from a month of performances in South Florida. He's now accepting bookings for his hour-long programs of Jewish humor for the rest of the year and for next winter in South Florida. Here's the setup: Herschel, a Jewish actor, is so down and out that he's ready to take any acting job that he can find. Finally he finds a classified ad that says "Actor Needed to Play an Ape." And then... Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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It's Monday morning again -- time for another joke to start the week. Now
that we have our own source of new jokes (actually old jokes retold,
because as we often say, there's no such thing as a new Jewish joke)
we're sending another one your way from our collection of videos that
we've been making at hotels and communities where we present Jewish Humor on Your Desktop - a Unique Comedy Experience. Here's
another one from Monroe Township, New Jersey, where we put on a show at
a comedy brunch in late July. The Jokester this time is Art Nash. Here's
the setup: In Old Russia, two Jews decide they want to assassinate the czar. So they wait in hiding and then... Our
apologies once again for the background noise. The crowd was just having too much
fun. In future audience participation joke sessions, we'll try to find a
quiet corner to capture the jokes.
Amidst all the noise and laughter as people were leaving, we lost the piece of paper on which we wrote Art's profession. Art, if you're reading this and want it added, please send an email or mention it in the comments below. If
you like the series, let us know with a "like" or "more jokes" entry in
the comments section, and we'll continue collecting Jersey jokes and
jokes from other locations where we are booked for fun events. Enjoy! (A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
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DAY. YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE
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It's Monday morning again -- time for another joke to start the week.
Now
that we have our own source of new jokes (actually old jokes retold,
because as we often say, there's no such thing as a new Jewish joke)
we're sending another one your way from our collection of videos that
we've been making at hotels and communities where we present Jewish Humor on Your Desktop - a Unique Comedy Experience. Here's another one from Monroe Township, New Jersey, where we put on a show at a comedy brunch in late July. The Jokester this time is Lou Goldstein, a retired lumberman.
Here's the setup: A fellow is playing golf and he's ready to hit the ball. All of a sudden a ball comes down and hits him and then... Our
apologies once again for the background noise. The crowd was just having too much
fun. In future audience participation joke sessions, we'll try to find a
quiet corner to capture the jokes. If
you like the series, let us know with a "like" or "more jokes" entry in
the comments section, and we'll continue collecting Jersey jokes and
jokes from other locations where we are booked for fun events.
Enjoy!
(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:
THE VIDEO IS NOT VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH
DAY. YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE
JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON INTHE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody
Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Jewish Humor Central Staff
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief:
Al Kustanowitz Food and Wine Editor:
Aviva Weinberg Israel Food and Wine Consultant Penina Kustanowitz Reporter and Photographer:
Meyer Berkowitz Reporter Phyllis Flancbaum
Now You Can Book Program and Lecture Dates for 2025 and 2026 in Person and Via ZOOM
Now is the time to book our Jewish humor programs and lectures for your 2025 and 2026 events in person and via ZOOM anywhere in the world. Book any of our 22 popular programs including "The Great Jewish Comedians", “Israel is a Funny Country”, and "Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places." Click above for details and videos. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com
"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!
"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.
Now is the time to book our Jewish Humor Shows and Lectures in person or on ZOOM.
Bring Al's Jewish humor lectures and comedy programs with the funniest videos on the Internet to your community and your synagogue, club, JCC, organization or private event in person or via ZOOM. We're taking reservations now for 2025 and 2026 dates in your community. Click above for details. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com.
Now Open: The Jewish Humor Central Gift Shop
Jewish Humor Central logo merchandise is now available. Click on the image above to see the complete collection -- More than 100 items from tote bags, baseball caps, mugs, aprons, drinkware, T-shirts and sweatshirts, to pajamas and underwear.
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - More than 400 video clips, including music and comedy videos for all the Jewish holidays. View them on Your PC, Mac, Kindle Fire, iPad, iPhone, iTouch, Android Tablet and Smartphone. Click on the image above to peek inside and download a free sample. And now, a paperback edition for anyone who prefers a traditional book and doesn't mind typing the URLs instead of clicking on them.
About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary.
He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook.
He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs.
You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.
Jewish Action Podcast episode 2
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Listen to the episode here Host Rabbi Gil Student is joined by Rabbi
Yisrael Motzen (Ner Tamid; Assistant to the OU EVPs; Director, Kol Echad)
to unpack tw...
Attacks
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Dry Bones Golden Oldies in the fond memory of Yaakov Kirschen (Dry Bones).
Brought to you by Sali, the LSW. This cartoon is from 2009. It is not very
"p...
Thoughts on the Haggadah by Rabbi Eli Teitelbaum
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[image: Story 375601404]
We just recently were able to find the latest version of my fathers, Rabbi
Eli Teitelbaum Z”L, thoughts on the Haggadah and conve...
Hamantaschen: The Symbolism behind Purim Cookies
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Purim is a celebration of masquerade, Mishloach Manot, Hamantaschen and
book of Esther reading. Every Jewish holiday focuses on a special dish and
the tria...
Thank you for your support!
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Thank you very much for supporting our work at The Muqata. We appreciate
your contribution and hope to be able to keep bringing you the most up to
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Boarding School Massachusetts
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Every fall the Massachusetts Health Connector provides information
concerning the public higher education institutions and designed to prevent
offenders ...
A chat with some protesters…
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Originally posted on don of all trades:
Hi protesters, it’s me, Don. Do you remember me? No? I’m a police officer.
We’ve met before. Excuse me? Did you say...
Jerusalem Walking Tours for Sukkot
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It is about time that I brought back my “Jerusalem: Meet Jerusalem” walking
tour series. And while I am nearing completion on a few new ones that I
hope to...
Trayf of the Week: Bacon Jam
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Just when you thought it was safe to eat your bagels in mixed company,
comes this devilish concoction. Next time a Goyishe friend offers you a
shmear, mak...
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