Explaining Why a Month of Jewish Holidays Gets in the Way of Business Meetings - A Sukkot Comedy Sketch

Explaining why a month of Jewish holidays, from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret, Hoshana Rabba and Simchat Torah can be a challenge to observant Jews trying to set up a business meeting with customers who are not observing these holidays.

When the holidays fall on weekdays, and you add Shabbatot to the mix, finding a date for a meeting can leave the impression that you just don't want to have a meeting.

This situation is the subject of a comedy sketch that we found on the Jewish Sparks YouTube channel. In this humorous video, we join a Jewish individual as he navigates the complex calendar of Jewish holidays and hilariously explains to a customer why he couldn't meet in the past month. 

With wit and laughter, he walks through the series of holiday events that have kept him occupied. This comedic take on the challenges of scheduling during the Jewish holiday season will be familiar to many of our readers.

Enjoy! 

Wishing All Our Readers a Meaningful Yom Kippur With a New Interpretation of Kol Nidrei

Yom Kippur begins at sundown tonight. Whether or not you fast, whether you attend services in a synagogue or via Zoom or live streaming, we wish you a meaningful Day of Atonement.

To get in the mood for the day, we're sharing a new version of Kol Nidrei by Cantor Azi Schwartz of New York's Park Avenue Synagogue.

In the spirit of renewed tradition, here is a new interpretation of Kol Nidrei. It blends the ancient melodic motifs with contemporary harmonies and orchestration, offering a modern reflection of this timeless Jewish prayer. 

Wishing you a G'mar Chatima Tova!

Throwback Thursday Yom Kippur Special: Cantor Yossele Rosenblaltt Sings Kol Nidrei in 1930

Josef "Yossele" Rosenblatt (May 9, 1882 – June 19, 1933) was an Ashkenazi chazzan and composer. He was regarded as the greatest cantor of his time. 

Rosenblatt was born on May 9, 1882, in the Russian Empire. The scion of a long line of cantors, Rosenblatt's devoutly religious upbringing prevented him from receiving formal musical training at any of the great academies of his day. He began his career as a member of the local synagogue choir. Quickly lauded as a "wunderkind", or child prodigy, Rosenblatt's solo career was launched. At the age of 7, he moved with his family to Austria.

Rosenblatt's fame extended beyond the Jewish world earning him large concert fees, a singing role in the 1927 film The Jazz Singer, and the sobriquet "The Jewish Caruso".

Rosenblatt corresponded with many of the great tenors of his day. It is told that upon hearing Rosenblatt sing "Elli Elli", Enrico Caruso was so moved that he ascended the stage and kissed him.

We searched the internet for a video of Cantor Rosenblatt singing Kol Nidrei, but only could find audio recordings with accompanying photos. So that's what we're posting today.

Enjoy!

 

   #Throwback Thursday       #TBT   

Yom Kippur Starts Tonight - Shulem Lemmer Sings "Avinu Malkeinu"

Shulem Lemmer is the most recent rising star of the Jewish musical tradition that has been intertwined in the life, faith, and culture of the Jewish people throughout their history. Whether it's prayers, psalms, or contemporary classics, this youthful Brooklyn tenor finds in music something rich and affirming, an endeavor that makes the soul soar and the spirit rise and speaks to the human condition. 

In fact, Shulem feels music aspires to go beyond current historical context to illuminate what he sees as the perfect dream: when the world is at peace. There are some voices that have to be heard – and Shulem’s is one of them.

As we get ready to attend Yom Kippur services tonight and tomorrow, whether in person or via Zoom or live streaming, let's listen to Shulem sing Avinu Malkeinu, a central prayer of the ten days of repentance which began on Rosh Hashanah and conclude on Yom Kippur. Both the words and the melody evoke deep emotion as the congregation connects with God as a parent and monarch.

Shulem will be performing live in concert at Anshei Emuna Congregation in Delray Beach, Florida on Tuesday night, January 23, 2004. We'll be there and if you're planning to be in South Florida in January, we'll see you there. 

We will be attending services today and tomorrow and Jewish Humor Central will be back on Tuesday. We wish you an easy and meaningful fast on Yom Kippur.

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.

Yom Kippur Begins Tonight with the Ancient Prayer "Kol Nidrei"

Tonight, Jews all over the world will congregate toward sunset to mark the start of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.  The most universally recognized part of the Yom Kippur liturgy is the chanting of Kol Nidrei, a medieval annulment of vows set to a melody composed as Opus 47 for cello and orchestra by a German Protestant named Max Bruch in 1881.

Kol Nidrei has been sung by a long list of artists, Jewish and non-Jewish, in recording studios, on stage and on movie screens.  These singers included Yossele Rosenblatt, Richard Tucker, Perry Como, Johnny Mathis, Al Jolson, Neil Diamond, and Jerry Lewis.  Jolson, Diamond, and Lewis all sang the song as part of their portrayal of a cantor's son in The Jazz Singer, through three versions of the film.

Today we're sharing a version sung last year by Azi Schwartz, the cantor of the Park Avenue Synagogue in New York City.

Wishing you an easy and meaningful fast, whether you'll be in shul, Zooming, or live streaming. We'll be back on Thursday with our usual mix.

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO. 

Getting Ready for Yom Kippur with the Prayer for the Israel Defense Forces

Yes, we know it's another Monday, and that usually means it's time for another Joke to Start the Week. But we're in the midst of a month of Jewish holidays that started with Rosh Hashanah and continues with Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah.

So we're holding off with the weekly jokes until the Monday after the holidays, and instead bringing you content that's more appropriate for this month.

Today we're posting a version of the Prayer for the Soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces (Mi Sheberach l'Tzahal) as sung by Cantor Chaim Stern with the Great Synagogue Choir in Sydney, Australia. (English translation below)

Tomorrow: Kol Nidrei

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO. 

   

Prayer for Members of the Israel Defense Force

He Who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - may He bless the fighters of the Israel Defense Force, who stand guard over our land and the cities of our God from the border of the Lebanon to the desert of Egypt, and from the Great Sea unto the approach of the Aravah, on the land, in the air, and on the sea. May Hashem cause the enemies who rise up against us to be struck down before them. May the Holy One, Blessed is He, preserve and rescue our fighting men from every trouble and distress and from every plague and illness, and may He send blessing and success in their every endeavor. May He lead our enemies under their sway and may He grant them salvation and crown them with victory. And may there be fulfilled for them the verse: For it is Hashem, your God, Who goes with you to battle your enemies for you to save you. Now let us respond: Amen.

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Getting in the Mood for Yom Kippur with Avinu Malkeinu by Hazamir Choir

Avinu Malkeinu is one of the central themes of Yom Kippur, which Jews worldwide will be observing tonight and tomorrow.

We're getting in the mood for Yom Kippur by sharing a version of Avinu Malkeinu composed by Max Janowski, sung by Hazamir at their 2016 Gala Concert at Carnegie Hall. 

The choir was conducted by Hadas Sturman, Conductor of HaZamir Beit She'an and accompanied by Dr. Alan Mason, Conductor of HaZamir Miami. Soloists were Allison Abrams, HaZamir Manhattan, Juliana Lynch, HaZamir Baltimore, Yohji Daquio-Braude, HaZamir Providence, and Samuel Dylan Rosner, HaZamir Westchester. HaZamir: The International Jewish Teen Choir is a program of the Zamir Choral Foundation, www.zamirchoralfoundation.org.

We'll be posting again on Friday. We wish you a G'mar Chatima Tova and a happy and healthy New Year.

Yiddish Word of the Day - "Yom Kippur"

As people continue to spend their days and evenings at home, due to coronavirus social distancing restrictions, the Forverts has launched a daily series of short informal video clips called Yiddish Word of the Day.

The series, written and narrated by Forverts editor Rukhl Schaechter, aims to give non-Yiddish speakers an introduction to familiar Yiddish words and phrases and how they might be used in everyday situations. 

Schaechter, who was appointed the new editor of the Forverts in 2016, is the first woman to helm the paper in its 119-year history, its first editor to have been born in the United States, and likely its first editor who is shomeret Shabbat.

We posted the first of this series in May. Now that the Forverts is continuing the series, we'll be sharing some of the words and phrases as a regular feature of Jewish Humor Central.

Now that Yom Kippur 5781 is over, we're taking a look back at some Yiddish phrases that are based on the holiday experience. These expressions were common among Yiddish speakers for whom Yom Kippur has been a reference point far beyond its basic theme of repentence and atonement.
 
Enjoy! 

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.

Yom Kippur Coronavirus Special: Comedian Joel Chasnoff Updates Confession to Include Pandemic Misdeeds

Every Yom Kippur, Jews collectively acknowledge our “sins” during the Vidui Confession. Below is Joel's updated version of the Confession, based on all the misdeeds we committed during the pandemic. It's in alphabetical order, like the real thing! 

The Corona Confession:

א  Apcheenu - We sneezed without covering our noses

ב  Barachnu - We left a Zoom meeting early under false pretenses

ג  Googalnu - We Googled Corona statistics for no reason

ד Dacheenu We delayed taking a Covid test to avoid being quarantined

   D’mei Havtalnu We applied for unemployment benefits unnecessarily

ה Heeshta’alnu - We coughed into our hands and wiped it on our friends’ furniture

ו  Ve-Heesh’arnu We left our cell phones at home during quarantine so we couldn’t be tracked

   WiFinu - We claimed the WiFi was down to explain having missed an 8AM staff meeting

ז  Zoomeenu BeShaina - We slept during a Zoom session

ח Cholanu - We faked having a sore throat and dry cough to avoid visiting our mothers-in-law

ט Televeeznu - We watched TV during an online bar mitzvah

 י Yadeinu Tamanu - We touched fomites without rubber gloves

 כ Kafkafeenu - We wore our slippers outside

    Kalavnu - We borrowed our neighbor’s dog and took him for a walk, just to get some fresh air

 ל Leechlachnu - We touched silverware without first washing our hands

 מ Maseichanu - We wore our masks below our chins

 נ Netflixnu - We used the pandemic as an excuse to watch Netflix

 ס Sacheetnu - We squeezed fruit in the grocery store, then put it back on the shelf

 ע Aleenu - We took the elevator when it would have been more hygienic to take the stairs

 פ Purellnu - We finished all the Purell

 צ Chateteenu - We chatted privately in Zoom meetings about others in attendance

    Tza’adnu - We failed to take off our shoes before entering the house

 ק Quarantinu - We self-quarantined to take a break from our families

 ר Routernu - We changed the password to the family WiFi router and didn’t share it

 ש Sheekarnu - We lied about having washed our hands with soap

 ת Tachtoneemnu - We wore underwear to a Zoom meeting

 A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.