A Joke to Start the Week: Murray the Waiter

Yesterday we launched our week of special Passover content, but even Passover isn't an excuse for not posting jokes. So, it's Monday, and time for our joke to start the week. Today's jokester is Richard Levine, an 80-year-old clinical drug survey printer, a regular on Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Here's the setup: Murray, a professional waiter all his life, passes away and is mourned by his widow, Becky. A friend suggests that she attends a seance, where she may be able to communicate with him. And then...

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Passover Countdown: What Makes a Good Matzo Ball Soup? The Experts Weigh In

Today we're starting our Passover countdown at Jewish Humor Central. We're not abandoning the jokes (there will be one tomorrow) but this week we're focusing on recipes and music videos for Pesach, which starts next Monday evening, March 25. 

Matzah ball soup. It's nutritious, it's delicious, it's on almost every Passover menu. There are about as many opinions on how to make them as there are seder tables. 

This Passover, the folks at the Jewish Home in Los Angeles made a special video about their thoughts on matzah ball soup. We hope you enjoy watching it as much as we did making it! Later this week we'll bring you a recipe video from Jamie Geller with easy directions for making light and fluffy matzo balls. In the meantime, enjoy this video with opinions from experts who have been tasting and commenting on matzo balls for many years.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Greeting Shabbat With Beautiful Melodies: A Very Unusual Lecha Dodi

The Shabbat Song Project is an Israeli effort to spread the light of Shabbat, with popular singers performing traditional Shabbat melodies with new and eclectic arrangements. The arrangers and singers deserve a lot of credit for their creativity and use of a wide range of instruments and musical styles to present in a new light songs that we usually hear only inside a synagogue.

We're bringing you a few of their beautiful renditions on Fridays, when we prepare to welcome Shabbat. Last week we posted Yedid Nefesh, a piyyut (poem) usually sung on Friday night just before the Kabbalat Shabbat (Welcoming Shabbat) service begins.

Today we continue the series with a very unusual version of Lecha Dodi, an integral part of the Kabbalat Shabbat service.

According to Wikipedia, Lecha Dodi means "come my beloved," and is a request of a mysterious "beloved" that could mean either God or one's friend(s) to join together in welcoming Shabbat that is referred to as the "bride": likrat kallah ("to greet the [Shabbat] bride"). During the singing of the last verse, the entire congregation rises and turns to the open door, to greet "Queen Shabbat" as she arrives.

It was composed in the 16th century Ottoman Empire city of Edirne by Rabbi Shlomo Halevi Alkabetz, a Safed Kabbalist. As was common at the time, the song is also an acrostic, with the first letter of the first eight stanzas spelling the author's name. The author draws much of his phraseology from Isaiah's prophecy of Israel's restoration, and six of his verses are full of the thoughts to which his vision of Israel as the bride on that great Shabbat of Messianic deliverance gives rise. It is one of the latest of the Hebrew poems regularly accepted into the liturgy, both in the southern use, which the author followed, and in the more distant northern rite.
 
The lyrics, in Hebrew, with English translation and transliteration, appear below the video:

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)


   

#	English translation	Transliteration	Hebrew
Chorus:
1	Let’s go, my beloved, to meet the bride,	Lekhah dodi liqrat kallah	לכה דודי לקראת כלה
2	and let us welcome the presence of Shabbat.	p'nei Shabbat neqabelah	פני שבת נקבלה
Verse 1:
3	"Observe" and "recall" in a single utterance,	Shamor v'zakhor b'dibur eḥad	שמור וזכור בדבור אחד
4	We were made to hear by the unified God,	hishmiʿanu El hameyuḥad	השמיענו אל המיחד
5	God is one and God’s Name is one,	Adonai eḥad ushemo eḥad	יי אחד ושמו אחד
6	In fame and splendor and praiseful song.	L'Sheim ulitiferet v'lit'hilah	לשם ולתפארת ולתהלה
Verse 2:
7	To greet Shabbat let’s go, let’s travel,	Liqrat Shabbat lekhu v'nelekhah	לקראת שבת לכו ונלכה
8	For she is the wellspring of blessing,	ki hi maqor haberakhah	כי היא מקור הברכה
9	From the start, from ancient times she was chosen,	merosh miqedem nesukhah	מראש מקדם נסוכה
10	Last made, but first planned.	sof maʿaseh b'maḥashavah teḥilah	סוף מעשה במחשבה תחלה
Verse 3:
11	Sanctuary of the king, royal city,	Miqdash melekh ʿir melukhah	מקדש מלך עיר מלוכה
12	Arise! Leave from the midst of the turmoil;	Qumi tze'i mitokh ha-hafeikhah	קומי צאי מתוך ההפכה
13	Long enough have you sat in the valley of tears	Rav lakh shevet b'ʿeimeq habakha	רב לך שבת בעמק הבכא
14	And He will take great pity upon you compassionately.	v'hu yaḥamol ʿalayikh ḥemlah	והוא יחמול עליך חמלה
Verse 4:
15	Shake yourself free, rise from the dust,	Hitnaʿari me'afar qumi	התנערי מעפר קומי
16	Dress in your garments of splendor, my people,	Livshi bigdei tifartekh ʿami	לבשי בגדי תפארתך עמי
17	By the hand of Jesse’s son of Bethlehem,	ʿAl yad ben Yishai beit ha-laḥmi	על יד בן ישי בית הלחמי
18	Redemption draws near to my soul.	Qorvah el nafshi g'alah	קרבה אל נפשי גאלה
Verse 5:
19	Rouse yourselves! Rouse yourselves!	Hitʿoreri hitʿoreri	התעוררי התעוררי
20	Your light is coming, rise up and shine.	Ki va oreikh qumi ori	כי בא אורך קומי אורי
21	Awaken! Awaken! utter a song,	ʿUri ʿuri shir dabeiri	עורי עורי שיר דברי
22	The glory of the Lord is revealed upon you.	K'vod Adonai ʿalayikh niglah	כבוד יי עליך נגלה
Verse 6:
23	Do not be embarrassed! Do not be ashamed!	Lo tivoshi v'lo tikalmi	לא תבושי ולא תכלמי
24	Why be downcast? Why groan?	Mah tishtoḥai umah tehemi	מה תשתוחחי ומה תהמי
25	All my afflicted people will find refuge within you	bakh yeḥesu ʿaniyei ʿami	בך יחסו עניי עמי
26	And the city shall be rebuilt on her hill.	v'nivnetah ʿir ʿal tilah	ונבנתה עיר על תלה
Verse 7:
27	Your despoilers will become your spoil,	V'hayu limshisah shosayikh	והיו למשסה שאסיך
28	Far away shall be any who would devour you,	V'raḥaqu kol mevalʿayikh	ורחקו כל מבלעיך
29	Your God will rejoice concerning you,	Yasis ʿalayikh Elohayikh	ישיש עליך אלהיך
30	As a groom rejoices over a bride.	Kimsos ḥatan ʿal kalah	כמשוש חתן על כלה
Verse 8:
31	To your right and your left you will burst forth,	Yamin usmol tifrotzi	ימין ושמאל תפרוצי
32	And the Lord will you revere	V'et Adonai taʿaritzi	ואת יי תעריצי
33	By the hand of a child of Perez,	ʿAl yad ish ben Partzi	על יד איש בן פרצי
34	We will rejoice and sing happily.	V'nismeḥah v'nagilah	ונשמחה ונגילה
Verse 9:
35	Come in peace, crown of her husband,	Boi v'shalom ateret baʿalah	בואי בשלום עטרת בעלה
36	Both in happiness and in jubilation	Gam b'simḥah uvetzahalah	גם בשמחה ובצהלה
37	Amidst the faithful of the treasured nation	Tokh emunei ʿam segulah	תוך אמוני עם סגלה
38	Come O Bride! Come O Bride!	Boi khalah boi khalah	בואי כלה בואי כלה

Project Shabbat Project Manager: Ronnie Ayalon
Artistic direction: Guttman Foundation
Musical producer: Israel Kassif
Photographer: Ofer Shechtman
Editor: Gideon Mosiknsky and songs Alzra
Sound: Roy Geva
After Effects: Danny Ben-Yaacov
Artists: Ilan Damari, Roi Levy, Nadav Bachar, Rabbi Oded David, Tamir Yamin, Neria Moyal, Shahar Ariel, Ehud Ariel, Eyal Maoz, Yaniv Ahiel, Ofer Shechtman, Omer Horvitz, Ronen Tessie, Israel Kasif, Micha Michaeli, Gil Ladin, Fishi Hagadol

HaHafuch Comedy Special: Top Chef: Jerusalem - The Ultimate Kosher Challenge

HaHafuch, the comedy improv troupe based in Jerusalem, is at it again. We've already posted a few of their funny skits, including Jerusalem's Next Top Model, Real Housewives of Jerusalem, and Man on the Street: What Israelis Really Know About the US and Canada.

Now, as they're preparing for their next comedy show in Jerusalem on March 27, they released a new skit poking fun at Top Chef, the American reality cooking competition show. Never missing an opportunity to lighten up the sometimes serious rivalries between the many kashrut certifying authorities in Israel, this skit focuses on the challenges of preparing a kosher meal that would be acceptable to the many groups of kashrut-observing Jews in Israel.

Enjoy! 
(And, if you're going to be in Jerusalem on March 27, join us at the show as Jewish Humor Central captures the skits on video to share with you!)

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

A Special Performance: Israeli-Iranian Singer Rita Rocks the United Nations

Last Tuesday evening a very special event took place in the General Assembly Hall of the United Nations in New York City. UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon was there to introduce the program and he was followed by Vuk Jeremic of Serbia, the president of the General Assembly and Ron Prosor, Israel's ambassador to the UN.

But this was anything but a UN Israel-bashing session. In fact, there was nothing but praise for Israel and the Jewish people. It was a concert featuring Rita, Israel's most celebrated and successful singer and her nine-piece band, only the third time that the diplomatic venue was converted into a concert hall. Rita, whose full name is Rita Yahan-Farouz, was born in Teheran and immigrated to Israel with her family when she was eight years old.

As Yitzhak Benhorin wrote in Yediot Aharonot's Ynetnews.com,

Under the banner, "Tunes for peace," the Israeli singer performed at the UN headquarters in New York in the presence of the UN secretary-general, the General Assembly president, ambassadors, diplomats and Jewish community leaders. An Iranian television crew was also spotted in the auditorium.

The idea, according to the concert's organizers, led by Israel Ambassador to the UN Ron Prosor, is to "convey a message of multiculturalism, harmony and peace – the foundations of the United Nations organization." Rita sang on stage in Hebrew, English and Farsi, languages which she said "represent ancient civilizations."

The General Assembly hall was packed. UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon welcomed Rita and the audience cheered, whistled and danced in the aisles.

This is probably the longest video we have ever posted, running about an hour and 20 minutes. We don't expect everyone to watch the entire show, but it's here in case you want to. If you're rushed for time, we suggest watching the first fifteen minutes of speeches praising Israel, and skipping ahead to the one hour mark, when the Persian singing and dancing starts to get wild, and to the 1:10 mark, when Rita launches into one of her most popular songs in Hebrew, The Legend of the Sun and the Moon.

Enjoy! 

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Locusts Everywhere, Including on Your Dinner Table

Locusts...they're everywhere in Egypt, heading for Israel, and they're all over the media. Swarms of 30 million of the little critters munched their way through Egypt last week and some have already invaded parts of Israel. While farmers are concerned about the damage that the insects can inflict on their crops, some gourmets and lovers of exotic foods are eagerly awaiting their arrival on their dinner plates.

Moshe Basson, chef and owner of the Eucalyptus restaurant in Jerusalem, has long been preparing locusts as a crispy delicacy. Surprisingly, locusts are kosher, and were featured three years ago as the dessert for a Mesorah Dinner, an eighteen-course feast that featured unusual dishes that, despite all appearances and tastes, were actually kosher. They included udder of cow, which tastes like meat in milk, an otherwise forbidden food, and the shibuta, a fish that tastes like pork. But the piece de resistance was a plate of fried locusts.

Last week, writing in The Media Line, Linda Gradstein reported:

This week’s invasion of locusts from Egypt offers adventurous home cooks an opportunity to try something new for dinner this week – locusts, which most rabbis say are kosher, can be prepared many different ways.

“You can sauté them like shrimp with garlic, baby cherry tomatoes, lemon and saffron,” Moshe Basson, owner and chef of the Eucalyptus restaurant in Jerusalem, which specializes in Biblical foods, told The Media Line. “You can make them like french fries, or you can poach them like lobster, roll them in egg yolk, chickpea flour and spices and them deep fry them.”

About seven insects constitute a main course, Basson says. They are high in protein and low in calories. He says that similar to shrimp, to prepare locusts you take off the head and the small wings. The legs are the tastiest part, he contends. Basson himself says that in the past few days he has gotten a good supply of the insects from friends who have gone down to southern Israel to bring him back bags full. Gathering locusts is easy, he says.

“In the evening just before sunset when the temperature drops the locusts find a place and go to sleep on trees and bushes everywhere—you have just to pick them,” Basson, who often picks his own spices in the hills around Jerusalem, said. “In the morning when the weather warms up they will start to eat and within an hour they can turn a field from green to brown by eating all of it.”

In Israel, the swarms of locusts – the most seen since 2005, have not been welcomed by farmers who fear extensive crop damage. Drivers caught in the swarms are also not fans. But for some epicureans, locust offers an opportunity for free, sustainable eating.

We don't often repeat videos in Jewish Humor Central, but since we posted a video of eating locusts in our story about the Mesorah Dinner in 2010, when we had very few readers, we thought you'd like to see a locust eater in action now. Here are two videos, the first a current news report about the swarms hitting Egypt and then the 2010 clip of the feast in Jerusalem.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

A Joke to Start the Week: "Show Me the Baby"

It's Monday, and you know what that means at Jewish Humor Central -- another joke to start the week off with a smile. Once again tapping into the bountiful collection of Old Jews telling Jokes, we found Richard Levine, retired from the printing business, 80 years old, telling this joke about a woman, also 80 years old, who miraculously conceived, carried, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

She brings him home. A friend comes over and says, "Becky, I came to see the new baby boy. Show me the boychik." Becky says, "You'll have to wait." And then...

Enjoy! 

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)
 

Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meets Gangnam Style in Israel

For anyone observing trends in the music scene around the world and seeing members of the Breslover Hasidim sect singing, dancing, and planting graffiti wherever they find a space in Israel, it was only a matter of time before the Na Nachs, as they are called, discovered the Gangnam Style video made popular by the Korean singer Psy, and merged the two into a unique performance.

The Na Nachs have been performing their street theatrics all over Israel. They can be recognized by their distinctive knitted white kippot. The Na Nachs follow the teachings of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov according to the tradition of Rabbi Yisroel Ber Odesser (called the Saba, or grandfather, by Na Nachs). The Saba is believed to have received an inspirational note, called the Petek (note), from the long-deceased Rebbe Nachman.

Na Nach Graffiti

Devotees of the group make themselves quite visible in the streets of Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and other Israeli cities as they dance atop and around moving vans to techno-Hasidic musical compositions, with the goal of spreading joy to passersby. They distribute their literature from sidewalk tables on the downtown streets and near bus stations, often accompanied by blaring music.

The Na Nachs are Everywhere

Their large, white, crocheted yarmulkes bear the name and song from the petek that Rabbi Odesser revealed: Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman. Besides publicizing this phrase on billboards and bumper stickers, Na Nachs and their admirers have painted graffiti, sometimes simple, sometimes very elaborate and artistic, all over Israel.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)
 

Welcoming Shabbat With Beautiful Melodies: "Yedid Nefesh"

The Shabbat Song Project is an Israeli effort to spread the light of Shabbat, with popular singers performing traditional Shabbat melodies with new and eclectic arrangements. The arrangers and singers deserve a lot of credit for their creativity and use of a wide range of instruments and musical styles to present in a new light songs that we usually hear only inside a synagogue.

We intend to bring you a few of their beautiful renditions on Fridays, when we prepare to welcome Shabbat. The first in this series is Yedid Nefesh, a piyyut (poem) usually sung on Friday night just before the Kabbalat Shabbat (Welcoming Shabbat) service begins.

According to Wikipedia, this beautiful poem is commonly attributed to the sixteenth century kabbalist, Rabbi Elazar ben Moshe Azikri (1533-1600), who first published it in Sefer Charedim (published in Venice 1601), but Azikri did not claim authorship of it and there have been other suggested authors (e.g. Judah Halevi, or Israel Nagara). The Hebrew Manuscripts at Cambridge University Libraries by Stefan C. Reif (1997, page 93) refers to an appearance of Yedid Nefesh in the Commentary On the Book of Numbers by Samuel ben David ben Solomon, a manuscript dated to about 1438—long before Azikri's birth. Azikri's philosophy centered around the intense love one must feel for God, a theme that is evident in this piyyut. The first letters of each of the four verses make up the four letter name of God, known in English as the tetragrammaton.

The artists appearing in this video are Ilan Damari, Roi Levy, Nadav Bachar, Rabbi Oded David, Tamir right, Neria Moyal, Shahar Ariel, Ehud Ariel, Eyal Maoz, Yaniv Ahiel, Ofer Shechtman, Omer Horvitz, Ronen Tessie, Israel Kasif, and Michael Michaeli.

Enjoy and Shabbat Shalom! 

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.) 

The Funniest Rabbis in Cleveland: Rabbi Lauren Werber on Cultural Differences in Dining Etiquette

Continuing our series on the Funniest Rabbi in Cleveland, in today's episode Rabbi Lauren Werber, spiritual leader of Temple B'nai Abraham, takes to the stage to deliver her standup comedy routine.

Starting off by explaining that she often counsels couples who are considering intermarriage, she goes into a funny description of the cultural differences that show up in restaurant dining habits. She contrasts dining etiquette using examples of  Jews (her relatives of Eastern European origin) and rural North Carolina Southern Baptists (members of her husband's family.)

For example,she tells of the odd behavior of the Southern Baptists:
- When they are shown a table, they accept it even if there's a draft or if it's in the center of the room.
- They sit without complaining.
- They actually order items from the menu. Then they talk.
- When they talk, one is talking at a time. And they actually pause to let someone else talk.
- They plan on going to a movie, and they all agree on what to see.

Then she describes the scene as her 15 congregants go to the same restaurant and bring the server to tears with the 15 different ways they want their water. 

Finally, she tells one of our favorite jokes, The Cow From Minsk, the joke that always brings the house down with laughter.

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

The Funniest Rabbis in Cleveland: Chabad's Rabbi Shmuel Friedman

We don't know what it is about Cleveland that produces funny rabbis, but rabbis of all denominations and genders are having a good time there delivering more than weekly sermons. Today we continue our series with a funny standup comedy routine by Rabbi Shmuel "Shmuli" Friedman of Chabad of Cleveland in Beachwood.

Rabbi Friedman starts out by reading his welcome in the style of a nervous Bar Mitzvah boy. After saying he can't tell any irreverent jokes, he launches a few of them.

Then he explains how rabbis and congregants don't find the same things funny. Rabbi Friedman ends his set by telling about the rabbi who was so poor that the only thing he had to tell time was a bell in his living room. How could he tell time with just a bell? Well.........

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

The Funniest Rabbis in Cleveland: Rabbi Dan Roberts Reads Synagogue Bulletin Bloopers

Continuing with our series on the Funniest Rabbis, today's standup comedy routine is by Rabbi Dan Roberts, Rabbi Emeritus of Temple Emanu El in the Cleveland suburbs.

Stepping up to the stage, Rabbi Roberts doesn't lose any time and starts his eight and a half minute monologue with a story of the time he was called to perform a wedding in the middle of a flight to Orlando. That serves as the introduction to a series of jokes about weddings and the reading of a collection of synagogue bulletin bloopers.

Examples: 

Rabbi Roberts spoke briefly last Shabbat, much to the delight of his audience.

The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind, and may be seen in the basement on Tuesday.

Join us for Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow.

Please join us for our next sermon: "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our cantor and the choir practice."

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

A Joke to Start the Week: Real Estate

Another week, another old Jewish joke. This one is also from the Old Jews Telling Jokes archives and is told by Alan Kessler, the 79-year-old president of the American subsidiary of a Japanese construction firm.

Here's the setup: Jake gets on a plane and a big Texan sits down next to him. They exchange greetings. The Texan boasts about the size of his ranch. Then it's Jake's turn...

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

The Funniest Rabbis: A New Series: Cleveland's Dr. Kiva Shtull

Last week, five Cleveland Rabbis walked into a museum to compete for the title of Cleveland's Funniest Rabbi. The event took place at the Maltz Museum of Jewish Heritage. This was the second year that the contest was held. We're reviewing the performances and will share the best ones with you in a new standup comedy series that we're running this week on Jewish Humor Central.

Let's start with the winning performance at this year's contest, by Rabbi and Mohel Dr. Kiva Shtull. Dr. Shtull is the spiritual leader of Congregation Shir Shalom in Bainbridge Township.

Strutting across the stage looking like Groucho Marx with his mustache and cigar, Dr. Shtull unleashes a series of jokes about religious differences among clergy, including one about Father Flanagan who asked him if he remembers the pain of his circumcision. Rabbi Shtull's deadpan reply? "I don't remember any pain, but I couldn't walk for a year!"

Enjoy!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

Super Bowl of Cholent

In many homes and synagogues Shabbat isn't Shabbat without a big bowl of cholent that's been cooking all night. The concoction of beans, barley, potatoes, meat, and whatever else you want to put in it, is something to look forward to for Shabbat lunch.

The folks at Shabbat.com created this video for our entertainment and to publicize the service that they provide worldwide in matching travelers to homes observing Shabbat, helping them to find their "perfect challah."

As they put it on their website, whether you say Shabbos or Shabbat, however you pronounce it, the day of rest remains a peaceful oasis of holiness and tranquility in our tumultuous times that we wouldn't miss for the world.

Shabbat.com reaches out to business and pleasure travelers, backpackers, returnees from a trip to Israel, and anyone who wants to have a Shabbat experience, regardless of how limited or extensive their Jewish background is. For safety and security, the organization makes profiles and photos of guests and hosting families available to each other, and asks guests to provide two references.

Guests find a host by searching the website by country, state and city. There are other search fields as well which will allow the guest to find the perfect host with whom they would feel comfortable spending Shabbat.  They can then contact the family to make arrangements using the contact information provided.

Shabbat.com claims 34,612 members who have been invited to over 211,489 invites in 2,824 cities and 110 countries around the world.

Enjoy and Shabbat Shalom!

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)