Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A Joke To Start Your Day: The Conversion

 After many years in the banking industry in New York, Milton gets a job offer he can't refuse -- vice-president and board member at the Salt Flats National Bank in Utah at a salary of $500,000.  So he tells his wife Rachel and she agrees to sell their house and move to Utah.  What Milton doesn't know is that the president of the bank has had a hard time with his board of directors in getting them to approve his choice of Milton as vice-president.

Even after Milton is on the job, the board members argue with the president that they are all Mormons and that they are having a problem with the idea of a Jew on the board.  But they know that he is a genius in the world of finance and don't want to lose him.

So the president comes up with a solution that he thinks will work and calls Milton into this office.  "Some of the other board members," He tells Milton, "are used to working only with Mormons, and are threatening to quit if you remain on the board."  I don't want to have to decide between you and them, so I worked out a solution that I hope you will accept.
If you want to keep your position, you’ll have to convert to our church.  Please let me know by tomorrow what you decide."   Milton feels he has no choice.  As hard as it might be to convert, it will be easier than losing  this great new job. So he goes home and tells Rachel, "Starting this Sunday we’ll be going to church with our children."

The months go by, and Rachel gets more and more upset.  She didn't want to convert, and now she misses Shabbat, candle lighting, kiddush, the holidays.  She confronts Milton and tells him that money isn't everything and she can't take it any more.

Milton's conscience starts to bother him, and finally he too is fed up.  He goes back to his boss, the bank president, and tells him:  " I made a big mistake in converting, and I can't sleep at night.  My wife is very upset and she is anxious and depressed.  I thought that money would compensate for all of this but I found that money isn't everything.  We can't be Mormons any more.  We have to go back to our Jewish roots.  If that means I have to quit my job, I'll just have to quit."

The president listens to Milton's impassioned words and says to him:  "OK, Milton, I didn't realize that the conversion was causing so much stress.  I thought that you didn't mind switching religions.  You're performing so well here that I'd do anything to keep you.  If you agree to stay with us, I'll talk to the directors and tell them that you're going back to your Judaism and they'll just have to accept it.

Milton is overwhelmed with joy and rushes home to tell Rachel the wonderful news.  "Rachel, dear," he says to her, " You were right and I was so short-sighted.  I talked to the president and he was very understanding.  He's letting me keep the job and he said we can go back to being Jewish immediately.

Rachel looks at him angrily, and says:  "Tell me, what kind of idiot are you?"

Milton is shocked by Rachel's reaction. "But didn't you complain for all these months that it was wrong to convert and that we should go back to being Jewish?"

Rachel, still very upset, says: "Of course I do, but NOW, just 2 weeks before Pesach?"

(Clip art from webweaver.nu and alfy.com)

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