Monday, May 21, 2012

Funniest Tweets From Citi Field Anti-Internet Asifa (Rally)


Well, as we often say, you just can't make this stuff up. In case you've been asleep all week, the much anticipated kinus klal yisrael (assembly of the entire Jewish community) took place last night at Citi Field in Queens, New York, home of the Mets.

Of course, it wasn't an assembly of the entire Jewish community. It was an asifa (gathering) of about 40,00 ultra-Orthodox men from Baltimore to Brooklyn, who filled the stadium to hold a mass demonstration against what they described as the evils of the Internet. Most of the speeches were given in Yiddish, Yeshivish, and Yinglish.

Organizers of the event told the media that their goal is to save the next generation from the social ills, including pornography and exposure to secular society, that they argue the technology brings. Women were excluded from participation, due to the organizers' inability to provide separate entrances and seating for men and women.

In one of the ironies of the spectacle, the event was live streamed so that it could reach the vast number of Jews who were unable to be present in the stadium seats. What did they use to get their message across? The internet, of course.

While the event seemed to unify those who paid $10 for tickets (which also ironically were made available on eBay and other internet sites as well as through neighborhood sales), it also served as a rallying point for the many Jewish internet users of all denominations who tweeted their snappy 140-character observations on Twitter, the popular social media site.

We tracked the Twitter observations all through the evening, and selected some of the best ones to share with our readers. Some are funny, some are sarcastic and biting, but all have some measure of truth and reality that was missed by the organizers of the asifa. We hope you enjoy them. Following is a video clip of the grandstands at Citi Field coming alive with the singing of V'taher Libeinu to give you a feeling of having been there without having to cope with the hassle of crowds and parking problems. 

It's also our wish that the 40,000 who attended the asifa join the Klal Yisrael who subscribe to Jewish Humor Central, Old Jews Telling Jokes, and other web sites and blogs that strive to bring joy into lives that could use a good dose of humor to start each day on a light and happy note.

There's a double header tonite. Next up is the Amish versus the Automobiles.

I have an Internet filter. Works on all devices. Lives behind my eyes and between my ears.
No mention of children abuse scandals. Repeated mention of how the internet corrupts children.

This is the Pope declaring himself inffalible in 1870. Same forces at work.

Were it not for social media I would not be able to keep track of the asifa.  

Overheard at Citi Field: "the worst thing about the internet is that it can lead G-d forbid to a job."

The fathers are all at Citi Field asifa, the mothers are all going to live Hookups, and he kids will stay Home Alone on the Computer.

Citi Field Security Guards Report to the Media that this asifa is Biggest Crowd to be in this Stadium since opened.

Oy the Internet is evil...but I'm still watching a live stream.

Too many ills in the chassidishe community and THIS is what they focus on? OY VEY.

I am missing my brother at the asifa. He was last seen wearing a white shirt, black jacket and hat and had glasses.

Rabbonim are headed to the clubhouse for cold beers and some bubbly to celebrate their victory tonight!

A sign displayed in Citi Field memorabilia shop: "all jerseys have been checked for shatnez."

So let me get this straight. They Re-banned the Internet? They didn't need to spend $2 million on that. Right?

Did anyone streak across the field during the game? And by streak, I mean, without a hat?
 
Anti-internet asifa could have been about accepting the net and teaching about responsible use instead of more hocking.

50K ultra orthodox Jews in a NY stadium protesting the internet and a solar eclipse...aren't those two of the four signs of the apocalypse?

Does buying an iTouch for my daughter's 17th birthday today go against the spirit of the asifa?

Best part of the asifa was that I got new followers on Twitter!

Take home message-No one who was sitting on the internet fence will change behavior because of the Asifa, but I bet a lot of people go OTD (Off the Derech -- leaving the fold).

Dear yeshiva students who attended the asifa: you've just ruined your shidduch and no one from Saw You At Sinai will ever set you up.

Was there an asifa when Gutenberg invented the printing press?

Coming this week to a girl's shidduch resume near you - did your father attend Asifa? If answer is NO then NO SHIDDUCH...."

Schools from here on will only accept those without Internet and rich people. @

I really should've attended the asifa dressed as WALDO, and kept moving around... to give all the yeshiva students something to do.

Most of the people who went don't know their asifa from their elbow.

Davening from your smartphone right after the asifa is like saying "Slach Lanu" right after Yom Kippur. It feels wrong.

There's a smoking section at Citi Field; Provided that all cigarettes have a filter.

Is it true they're raffling off an iPad at the asifa? @

What did one rabbi tweet to the other rabbi at the asifa?  "Wi-Fi sucks in here.”

So before the internet, we did research at libraries. Where was the asifa against all the romance novels???

I think the next asifa should be at Yankee Stadium and it should be a JOB FAIR!

If I'm approached for tzedakah by someone who is Hasidish, I can now state that I am an internet user and that my money is no good.

I've decided that I am only giving tzedaka to organizations via the Internet.

Final score: Internet 1, Asifa 0.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)