Monday, May 21, 2012

Funniest Tweets From Citi Field Anti-Internet Asifa (Rally)


Well, as we often say, you just can't make this stuff up. In case you've been asleep all week, the much anticipated kinus klal yisrael (assembly of the entire Jewish community) took place last night at Citi Field in Queens, New York, home of the Mets.

Of course, it wasn't an assembly of the entire Jewish community. It was an asifa (gathering) of about 40,00 ultra-Orthodox men from Baltimore to Brooklyn, who filled the stadium to hold a mass demonstration against what they described as the evils of the Internet. Most of the speeches were given in Yiddish, Yeshivish, and Yinglish.

Organizers of the event told the media that their goal is to save the next generation from the social ills, including pornography and exposure to secular society, that they argue the technology brings. Women were excluded from participation, due to the organizers' inability to provide separate entrances and seating for men and women.

In one of the ironies of the spectacle, the event was live streamed so that it could reach the vast number of Jews who were unable to be present in the stadium seats. What did they use to get their message across? The internet, of course.

While the event seemed to unify those who paid $10 for tickets (which also ironically were made available on eBay and other internet sites as well as through neighborhood sales), it also served as a rallying point for the many Jewish internet users of all denominations who tweeted their snappy 140-character observations on Twitter, the popular social media site.

We tracked the Twitter observations all through the evening, and selected some of the best ones to share with our readers. Some are funny, some are sarcastic and biting, but all have some measure of truth and reality that was missed by the organizers of the asifa. We hope you enjoy them. Following is a video clip of the grandstands at Citi Field coming alive with the singing of V'taher Libeinu to give you a feeling of having been there without having to cope with the hassle of crowds and parking problems. 

It's also our wish that the 40,000 who attended the asifa join the Klal Yisrael who subscribe to Jewish Humor Central, Old Jews Telling Jokes, and other web sites and blogs that strive to bring joy into lives that could use a good dose of humor to start each day on a light and happy note.

There's a double header tonite. Next up is the Amish versus the Automobiles.

I have an Internet filter. Works on all devices. Lives behind my eyes and between my ears.
No mention of children abuse scandals. Repeated mention of how the internet corrupts children.

This is the Pope declaring himself inffalible in 1870. Same forces at work.

Were it not for social media I would not be able to keep track of the asifa.  

Overheard at Citi Field: "the worst thing about the internet is that it can lead G-d forbid to a job."

The fathers are all at Citi Field asifa, the mothers are all going to live Hookups, and he kids will stay Home Alone on the Computer.

Citi Field Security Guards Report to the Media that this asifa is Biggest Crowd to be in this Stadium since opened.

Oy the Internet is evil...but I'm still watching a live stream.

Too many ills in the chassidishe community and THIS is what they focus on? OY VEY.

I am missing my brother at the asifa. He was last seen wearing a white shirt, black jacket and hat and had glasses.

Rabbonim are headed to the clubhouse for cold beers and some bubbly to celebrate their victory tonight!

A sign displayed in Citi Field memorabilia shop: "all jerseys have been checked for shatnez."

So let me get this straight. They Re-banned the Internet? They didn't need to spend $2 million on that. Right?

Did anyone streak across the field during the game? And by streak, I mean, without a hat?
 
Anti-internet asifa could have been about accepting the net and teaching about responsible use instead of more hocking.

50K ultra orthodox Jews in a NY stadium protesting the internet and a solar eclipse...aren't those two of the four signs of the apocalypse?

Does buying an iTouch for my daughter's 17th birthday today go against the spirit of the asifa?

Best part of the asifa was that I got new followers on Twitter!

Take home message-No one who was sitting on the internet fence will change behavior because of the Asifa, but I bet a lot of people go OTD (Off the Derech -- leaving the fold).

Dear yeshiva students who attended the asifa: you've just ruined your shidduch and no one from Saw You At Sinai will ever set you up.

Was there an asifa when Gutenberg invented the printing press?

Coming this week to a girl's shidduch resume near you - did your father attend Asifa? If answer is NO then NO SHIDDUCH...."

Schools from here on will only accept those without Internet and rich people. @

I really should've attended the asifa dressed as WALDO, and kept moving around... to give all the yeshiva students something to do.

Most of the people who went don't know their asifa from their elbow.

Davening from your smartphone right after the asifa is like saying "Slach Lanu" right after Yom Kippur. It feels wrong.

There's a smoking section at Citi Field; Provided that all cigarettes have a filter.

Is it true they're raffling off an iPad at the asifa? @

What did one rabbi tweet to the other rabbi at the asifa?  "Wi-Fi sucks in here.”

So before the internet, we did research at libraries. Where was the asifa against all the romance novels???

I think the next asifa should be at Yankee Stadium and it should be a JOB FAIR!

If I'm approached for tzedakah by someone who is Hasidish, I can now state that I am an internet user and that my money is no good.

I've decided that I am only giving tzedaka to organizations via the Internet.

Final score: Internet 1, Asifa 0.

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

38 comments:

  1. How come no one was doing the Mexican Wave?

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  2. These are GREAT!! They were a great laugh! Thanks! :D

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  3. How can you know whether or not these came from the stadium? For example:

    I really should've attended the asifa dressed as WALDO, and kept moving around... to give all the yeshiva students something to do.

    I'm hard pressed to think a Haredi would know who Waldo is.

    If even a fair number of them are real, it's very sad. On the one hand, it's encouraging that there are even a few there who have an awareness of their communal problems and who realize how utterly ridiculous it is. On the other - they were terrified not to be there.

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    1. I can safely say I was not at the event. I made the Waldo tweet, as well as numerous others mentioned here. I do recommend that the author of this blog credit the authors of the tweets. You can actually embed the individual tweets with some simple copy and pasting of code.

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  4. These were so funny. By the way, the stadium is generally off-limits, as professional sports are considered another one of the evils of the modern world. I'm not mocking them. Everyone has a right to live as they feel is right for them. Just so long as they respect my decision about what is right for me. When I was young, I used to look down on people that weren't as "observant" as I was. Then I realized that people who were even more "observant" than I were looking down on me. What a stupid attitude.

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    1. It looks like you're Neshama wasn't at Har Sinai that's all I can tell you !

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    2. What a mean to say. Where you born perfect?

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  5. The hypocrisy of it all is astounding.

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  6. It's too bad that we all feel we have to criticize everything that goes on in the world, in our community, and perhaps arrogantly in others' communities.

    Don't get me wrong, I really liked this article for many reasons, lots of Jewish humour out there!, the sarcasm is good, but also some ignorant and self-righteous tweets to make sure I don't get too happy.

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  7. I do recommend that the author of this blog credit the authors of the tweets. You can actually embed the individual tweets with some simple copy and pasting of code.

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    1. I updated all of the tweets with the authors' handles. Thanks for the suggestion.

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  8. How many shades of black were at the asifa?

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  9. the video was REMOVED because of HATE speech? what is the hate speech??

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    1. I have no idea what, why, or who. But I replaced it with a video of all attendees singing V'taher Libeinu.

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  10. Chilul Hashem, the tweets r hysterical though...

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  11. You left out the best part: Important Guidelines for the Asifa at Citifield
    http://dteitelbaum.blogspot.com/2012/05/important-guidelines-to-asifa-at.html

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  12. This is great. But I think it's a shame that you didn't attribute the tweets -- this is a great site, but you shouldn't be stealing other people's work.

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    1. Anonymous, you and Dani are right. This was the first time I used Twitter. So now I know. I've started to add the tweeter's handles to their tweets. It will take awhile but check back later to see the updated post.

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  13. As one who follows the best Jewish tweeters on a regular basis I'd like to point out that although this list is pretty good most Asifa jokes were already tweeted in the weeks leading up to the asifa so the list is nowhere near complete...

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    1. It wasn't intended to be complete. I just got the idea while watching the live streaming last night and focused on what I thought were the funniest ones coming in between 8pm and midnight. Stay tuned. There may be a second post coming soon.

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    2. Thanx. By the way, a number of my jokes made it here second hand. Check out @TurxJokes.

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  14. Isn't it true they were all fighting for seats in Section 8?

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  15. There was one you missed" "Oy, I wish the rebbeim would stop with the speeches and let Lady Gaga perform already!"

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  16. All the men who attended are obviously the fathers that are home at night to control what their children see and what enters their homes.

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  17. Was the YouTube video removed because of Rabbi F.E. Waxman's hate speech?

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    1. I don't know but I replaced it with a video of everyone singing V'taher Libeinu.

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  18. All these comments but no one gave these people a compliment ,for taking initiative to try to preserve the moral code within their community. Everyone just busy making fun of them instead. Perhaps if people would pay attention they might learn something. These people have survived since the time of Shabbtai Zvi, lived though persecutions too many to mention and have been able to retain a sense of identity within an ever evolving world, living right along side the mainstream populations. Yes, the internet is dangerous to them, because it exposes their group to something that cant be controlled. And this is a first for something like that within society in general.

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  19. I was in the asifa and I am NOT a chasid. And to all those people writing these ugly comments, the asifa was about internet FILTERS and not against modern day technology. Glad to clear things up.

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  20. And to all those people writing these ugly comments, the asifa was about internet FILTERS and not against modern day technology. Glad to clear things up.

    The asifa had nothing to do with filters. It was a desperate attempt on the part of your holy gedoylim to hold on to the power that is sifting through their fingers.

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  21. The moral code you claim they are trying to preserve would be far better served by treating women with the respect and dignity they deserve, by not harboring and holding fundraisers for pedophiles, by not putting people in cheirem simply because they dress or act differently than you and by not closing your eyes to all the good that comes from the rest of society including the internet. Ahavas yisrael was clearly not served by this "sell-out" crowd.

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  22. All complainers should have come to big cicle-shriek themselves like Trog and Dongle did! Anyone can tell these man having problems because using WAY TOO MUCH new things. We tried to help by tell them simple rules (1) use natural method for clean teeth with sharp stick or squirrel tail only, (2) keep ANY sloth over three hands high out of cave at all times (does NOT matter how fluffy) and (3) not put clear stone magic over eyes! Bad for eyes and only make sons who cannot hit broad side of mastodon when not wearing. http://bit.ly/JlyF39

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  23. Really it's a shame for us that we have to criticize everything that goes in the world, in our community, and perhaps arrogantly in others' communities. Now, for your help I think this Jewish video goo.gl/BQH4G will really make you feel grateful!

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  24. I believe you missed the point of making the Asefa available on the internet. That is exactly how the message can reach those who need the message. In other words the internet usera indeed are a desired audience.

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  25. I am @alfassa but those great Tweets weren't mine, i just reposted them.

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  26. Everyone who came is a full time working person and does not take from the government.

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  27. On my opinion it’s right ideas about limits for children in using Internet. But if to be honest we are not able to close Internet access for them totally and can’t control every step. In this case possible to use special services, for example UsualHero (dot) com. This company works in branch of teenager’s security and development in social networks like Facebook. So if we can’t forbid to use Facebook we can ask professional like UsualHero to help us!

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    1. Check out: The Asifa Song

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRsMu40Cwdw

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