Friday, March 10, 2017

Oscars, Shmoscars! Here Are Our Purim Picks of the Best Movies of 2016

Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers.  We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2017 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle.  You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.  Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah.

There are the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards (Oscars).  But who needs them when the best awards of all are the Silver Graggers.  Jewish Humor Central is proud to present the movie awards from our sister publication, The Kustanowitz Kronikle.

The Silver Graggers are different from the Golden Globes and the Oscars in that there are multiple winners for Best Picture, the only award we give.

This year the Kustanowitz kids have been hard at work, deliberating which films released in 2016 merited consideration for this prestigious award.  Today we are announcing the winners of the annual competition.  Here are the best films of 2016, with a brief description of each one.

FENCES:  When word spreads that Conservative Jews have been driving to a local Orthodox shul on Shabbat, the Orthodox congregants build an electrified fence in hopes of making their shul great again.

LA LA LAND: The heartwarming story of an overworked Jewish mother who finds solace and refuge in an alternative universe where Pesach cleaning and kitniyot are optional. 

LA LA BANNED: The ban on Orthodox women rabbis expands to include kol isha.

MA MA LAND: A new theme park made entirely of guilt, chicken soup and medical school applications.

BAD MOMS: Tired of having four sets of dishes and buying aluminum foil in bulk to cover their countertops, a group of mothers in a suburban Jewish community decide not to make Pesach this year.

HIDDEN FIGURES: A near-riot ensues when a congregation president refuses to release the results of the members’ vote on renewing the rabbi’s contract.

DEADPOOL: In this tense crime drama, after too many complaints about the water temperature, the mikveh lady takes matters into her own hands. 

MANISCHEWITZ BY THE SEA: A kosher cruise goes horribly wrong when the ship fails to dock before Shabbat and the kitchen runs out of wine.

ARRIVAL: An anxious grandmother spends the heart-wrenching 18 minutes after lighting candles looking at the driveway, waiting for her family to get home in time for Shabbat.

MOONLIGHT: Eager to end Shabbat, one man mistakenly counts the moon as three stars and shocks the world with a Havdalah that’s six minutes early.

SING: The wacky adventures of a rebbetzin, Beis Yaakov girl, and koala, trying to organize the first women-only singing competition in Israel.

FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM: A shochet goes on a magical journey to find and shecht a kosher unicorn.

SING STREET: A music school opens down the block from an Orthodox shul and draws some local kids into a life of co-ed musical theater.

ROGUE ONE: A brave local rabbi tells his congregation that it’s time to start ignoring the second day of Yom Tov already, and that it’s OK for everyone to eat kitniyot on Pesach.

MOANATEVKA: The long-awaited animated "Fiddler on the Roof" with music and lyrics from Lin-Manuel Miranda

PASSENGERS: Chaos erupts on an El Al flight when nobody can figure out the right direction to face while davening Shacharit.

THE ACCOUNTANT: A mother recalls her third favorite child, after the doctor and the lawyer.​

Wishing you a happy and joyous Purim. May the laughter of Purim resound throughout your home on Purim and all year long.

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