Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Oscars, Shmoscars! Here Are Our Purim Picks of the Best Movies of 2017

Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers.  We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2018 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle.  You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.  Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah.

There are the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards (Oscars).  But who needs them when the best awards of all are the Silver Graggers.  Jewish Humor Central is proud to present the movie awards from our sister publication, The Kustanowitz Kronikle.

The Silver Graggers are different from the Golden Globes and the Oscars in that there are multiple winners for Best Picture, the only award we give.

This year the Kustanowitz kids have been hard at work, deliberating which films released in 2017 merited consideration for this prestigious award.  Today we are announcing the winners of the annual competition.  Here are the best films of 2017, with a brief description of each one.

When a series of bacon-flavored products is accidentally certified kosher, local rabbis put up billboards to alert the locals in the only location they can collectively afford. 
GET OUT: After hosting a three-day yuntif, one brave woman makes the
controversial decision to be honest with her in-laws.
 OY TANYA:  Tana'im and Amoraim square off in an Olympic battle for Talmudic supremacy.
THE SHAPE OF WATER: A fight breaks out when an ultra-Orthodox Shabbat dinner guest learns that his host made the ice cubes after sundown.
DARKEST HOUR: The tense family tale of what happens in that last hour of Shabbat, when all the daylight has faded and before three stars are visible.
WONDER WOMAN: The story of every Jewish woman for the weeks between Purim and Passover (and year-round).
LADY BIRD: A lonely man falls in love while swinging a chicken around his head during
JEWMANJI: Friday afternoon, four young Orthodox Jews get sucked into a video game and have to figure out how to escape before sundown arrives and they're trapped in the
game over Shabbos.
THE BIG SICK:A community suffers the gassy aftermath of a cholent cook-off.
ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD: The son of the community's biggest donor has an idea to fund both his extravagant lifestyle and the new shul building, and enlists the
shul president to help in his own kidnapping and ransom scheme.
CALL ME BY YOUR NAME: While receiving his first-ever Aliyah, a baal t’shuva panics on the bima, putting the gabbai in an awkward position.
BABY DRIVER: After going into labor on Shabbat morning, an observant couple finds a controversial loophole that allows them to drive home from the hospital.
DOWNSIZING: A mohel is barred from performing circumcisions when he takes a bris
one step too far.
PHANTOM THREAD: A shatnez checker looks the other way when a wealthy customer shows up wearing a suit made from both wool and linen.
THE POST: An Orthodox neighborhood is thrown into turmoil when the synagogue website posts a notice that the eruv has been inspected and is up, when in reality there is a gap that renders it in valid for carrying on Shabbat.
THE INSULT: A wealthy congregant storms out of the synagogue when the gabbai bypasses him for an aliyah on the Shabbat after he completes a trip to Israel.

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