Thursday, March 21, 2019

Oscars, Shmoscars! Here Are Our Purim Picks of the Best Movies of 2018

Today we celebrate the holiday of Purim which started last night with the reading of Megillat Esther. We wish a Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers. We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2019 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle. You can download the PDF by clicking HERE. Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah. 

There are the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards (Oscars). But who needs them when the best awards of all are the Silver Graggers. Jewish Humor Central is proud to present the movie awards from our sister publication, The Kustanowitz Kronikle.

The Silver Graggers are different from the Golden Globes and the Oscars in that there are multiple winners for Best Picture, the only award we give.

This year the Kustanowitz kids have been hard at work, deliberating which films released in 2018 merited consideration for this prestigious award. Today we are announcing the winners of the annual competition. Here are the best films of 2018 with a brief description of each one.

AQUAMAN: An excitement and CGI-packed story of Nachshon ben Aminadav, the first to jump into the Red Sea before the waters parted.
A QUIET PLACE: A time-traveling Haman goes from shul to shul on Purim, devastated to discover that no matter where he goes, his name gets booed.
A STAR (ESTHER) IS BORN: Before she was a queen, she was an aspiring country singer. Then she found someone who believed in her. The Esther and Mordechai story gets the Hollywood treatment, starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper.
AT ETERNITY’S GATE: When the Rabbi's Yom Kippur sermon nears the two-hour mark, congregants begin to daydream about a myriad of ways they can end his contract.
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY: Inspired by 'the '80's hit "Footloose", this spirited musical highlights one brave cantor's efforts to engage his millennial congregants with updated rock-inspired Shabbos Niggunim, while facing fierce opposition from their traditional parents.
BUMBLEBEE: A bee who's had it with the annual production demands for Rosh Hashanah honey decides to unionize his hive.
CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?: One woman's year-long journey of redemption after accidentally serving her Passover guests Kitniyot.
FREE SOLO: Chaos ensues when the shul's kiddush committee announces that in preparation for Pesach, they are giving away all the shul's plastic cups on a first-come, first-serve basis.
INSTANT FAMILY: A newly-married ultra-Orthodox woman’s job is done when she learns that she’s pregnant with octuplets.
OCEAN’S EIGHT: When two of their friends cancel, a group of eight observant Jews sadly spend their beach weekend trying to find two Jews to round out their minyan.
RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET: Ralph comes back from a second year at an ultra-Orthodox yeshiva believing that the internet is forbidden, but his attempts to destroy the family router are thwarted when he discovers his parents have become obsessed with watching Shtisel on Netflix.
RIVERDALE: Archie, Jughead, Betty and Veronica meet their new neighbors, ten modern Orthodox couples who just moved into the Imperial and are all expecting.
SKIN: The Rebbetzin shocks an entire community when her 'flesh'- colored sleeves and stockings look too much like the real thing.
SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDERVERSE: A multi-generational epic about a family of trapeze artists that have volunteered to check one community's Eruv for more than 100 years- using highly unorthodox methods. 
THE CAPTAIN MARVELOUS MRS. SHTISEL: The ultimate origin story of a Haredi woman turned standup comic turned superhero.
THE FAVOURITE: When three children all become doctors, their parents start ranking them by how many grandchildren they've produced.
THE WIFE: After a group of struggling yeshiva students takes on more Pesach kashering gigs than they can possibly handle, they secretly hire their Rebbe's wife to teach them the secrets of making Pesach in half the time (web series spin-off coming soon).
VICE: Inspired by the best-selling book “Murder at the Minyan,” a synagogue’s vice president is accused of murdering family members of his congregants to keep the daily minyan up and running.
WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?: In a small town filled with Shabbat observers, a non-Jewish family is wined and dined by locals, all hoping to live next to the Shabbos goy.

1 comment:

  1. And the Academy award for "Best Film Synopsis and Critic" goes to Mr Al Kustanowitz.