In honor of Purim, I would like to broaden the Eating our Enemy custom. Here’s but a few of the body parts, personal effects, and memorabilia of other foes of the Jewish people that may soon be finding their way onto your table if I have anything to say about it:
The Yul Brynner/Pharaoh Cheese Basket --- Pharaoh is the quintessential villain of the Holy Scriptures, and to most of us, actor Yul Brynner is the physical embodiment of that villain. With no disrespect to the late legendary actor, the mouth-watering Yul Brynner/Pharaoh Cheese and Crackers Basket has arrived!
The basket is graced with sculpted cheese figures of Yul as Pharaoh in his most memorable action poses from the movie “The Ten Commandments,” including the “Sound the Pursuit” Parmigiana, “God of Moses is a Poor General” Gorgonzola, and “His God is God” Gouda. A plague on all ten of your houses if you don’t enjoy!
Grand Mufti Marshmallows --- The Grand Mufti of Jerusalem did his utmost to keep Jews from immigrating to Palestine, all the time sporting a headdress that rose so high above his head it looked like it was doing push-ups. So what could be more appropriate for your snacking pleasure than super fluffy Grand Mufti Marshmallows?
Henry Ford Crankshaft Cookies--- Though times have certainly changed at the company he founded, Henry Ford was a cantankerous old coot who was no friend of the Jews. Now eat the cranky crackpot’s crankcase with new Henry Ford Crankcase Cookies, each one shaped in the form of that aforementioned engine component as manufactured for the least successful car ever built by Ford Motor Company, the Edsel. Sure to sell lots better than the Edsel itself!
Mel Gibson Pound Cake --- The newest Jewish confection is a large pound cake with reviews of Mel Gibson’s most recent movies chiselled into the top. Reviews of the motion picture The Beaver are highlighted at center. Sadly I’ve heard that Mel Gibson Pound Cake is rather dry and tasteless. That’s a shame, but it’s still worse for Mel than for us. He’s got to eat his actual reviews. So my message to any future enemies of the Jewish people: think twice. You might end up a sumptuous snack.
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