Thursday, March 17, 2011

Oscars, Shmoscars! Here Are Our Purim Picks Of The Best Movies Of 2010

(Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers.  We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2011 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle.  You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.  Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah.)

There are the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards (Oscars).  But who needs them when the best awards of all are the Silver Graggers.  Jewish Humor Central is proud to present the movie awards from our sister publication, The Kustanowitz Kronikle.

The Silver Graggers are different from the Golden Globes and the Oscars in that there are multiple winners for Best Picture, the only award we give.

This year the Kustanowitz kids have been hard at work, deliberating which films released in 2010 merited consideration for this prestigious award.  Today we are announcing the winners of the annual competition.  Here are the best films of 2010, with a brief description of each one.
THE KING’S SPEECH: The Passover story told from the perspective of  Pharaoh, whose stubbornness about letting the Jews go stemmed from a miscommunication with the stuttering Moses.

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT:  A mother and father are devastated when their kids spend two weeks in a right-wing Yeshiva and return wearing black hats.

INCEPTION: A rabbi comes up with a brilliant technique for his Shabbat morning sermon, in which he can plant an idea in his congregants’ minds while they are asleep.

TRUE GRIT: At the Coen family seder, someone bites into a lettuce leaf that was not soaked in water, and grimaces as the overlooked dirt and, tragically, a microscopic bug are mashed between his teeth.

127 HOURS:  As the seder goes into its fifth day, the sleep-deprived adults have had enough, and launch into a rousing version of Dayenu.

DESPICABLE ME: The controversial story of a man who sets his sights on committing every sin listed in the Al Cheit section of the Yom Kippur machzor.

THE SOCIAL NETWORK: The Harvard Board of Rabbis sues Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg on the grounds that his social networking site is based on the concept of "Jewish geography."

DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS: When a family of 14 forgets to pre-order a kosher meal for their flight from Israel to Australia, they spend the next 21 hours dining on pretzels, potato chips, and fruit cup.

BLACK SWAN: The animated sequel to the Biblical cartoon masterpiece, “Red Cow.”

SALT: One year after outlawing Gebrukts (wet matzah), a family revolts against Mom when she decides to kick it up a notch and avoid using any salt on Passover.

THE FIGHTER:  After taking the side of Shammai in every Talmudic argument, Moshe Goldberg gets a reputation at Yeshiva.

DATE NIGHT:  The animated tale of a delicious date who develops ingenious plots to avoid being eaten on Tu B’Shvat.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED: Ashton Kutcher  goes ballistic after receiving a defective shipment of Kabbalah tzitzit.

I AM NUMBER FOUR:  What’s it like being Jacob’s one true love? Only Rachel the Matriarch knows.

TANGLED: When a severe storm gets the town’s eruv and cable television wiring twisted, the non-Jews are upset that they can’t watch the big game, and the Jews are upset because they can’t carry on Shabbat.

EAT PRAY LOVE: Julia Roberts stars as an Upper West Side single whose years of dating have left her with food issues, a tendency toward religious fanaticism, and JDate addiction.

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